Growing up I often felt that I was a little insecure.
My thoughts buzzed like wasps around a rotten apple core.
Manic and drunk on fermented fruit and always seeking more.
I couldn’t see a possible solution or any kind of cure.
It felt like I carried an avalanche inside.
One negative comment could cause a landslide.
Leaving me deserted and trapped under a pile of rubble.
So, I developed a sharp tongue that often got me into trouble.
I struggled to know what I should do and what to believe.
My notions of religion were where suspicious and very naïve.
I was looking for something solid in a world that wouldn’t keep still.
Until finally it took its toll on me, and I became mentally ill.
After much suffering I was given a diagnosis.
The doctors told me I was suffering from psychosis.
My senses became so warped that they could no longer be trusted.
My thoughts were so strong and fast, that they couldn’t be interpreted.
The remaining fractures in my mind became pieces of a puzzle.
Until I learned about neuro plasticity and that the brain is a muscle.
I was carving negative neural pathways that kept me in these vicious loops.
Dopamine didn’t flow freely and started to gather in clustered groups.
Causing a chemical imbalance that needed to be treated with medication.
Until I discovered a technique for myself, that was transcendental meditation.
I could dodge the wave that took me away for hours of over analysis.
To a tranquil piece of mind as I sat firm and magnanimous.
The world around me started to buzz with another worldly force.
I realised that this negative state of mind was so destructive.
I started to let go of the paradigm or maze I’d previously constructed.
You see when you lose your mind is when you find your soul.
Then the mind can heal itself and we become whole.
It felt that I wasn’t alone in this process, something was helping my progress.
There was a light in my mind that came from the darkest recess.
A door had opened allowing the light to enter my heart.
It was conscious and smarter than me it showed brand-new start.
It gave me meaning and purpose, an objective structure to my thoughts.
It provided the bones or framework for me to build on.
As my old ways faded away and were as good as gone.
Guided by the words he spoke during our conversation
This structured self solidified into its own constellation.
Perfectly mirroring the universe his original creation.
It felt like mutiny of my old self as words shone that were new to me.
Words that once felt like riddles now held so much clarity.
An infinite boundless love grew from within.
Immune and resistant to any temptation or sin.
He lit my path and began to show me the way.
With such joy that I just wanted to play,
Now I don’t see myself as a puzzle to be constructed.
I’m better than I was before being rudely interrupted.
this power guided me back home to my own sanity.
not necessarily how I used to be. But, a brand new me.
Now I see because he always knew me.