It’s hard to admit,
When everything goes to ****,
I am addict,

It’s always been this way,
Started at a young age,
Sugary sweets and red wine,
Cider and champagne,
Pumping chemicals into my little brain,

I never really understood,
The impact it would have on my adulthood,
The alcohol soaked in my veins,

My friends had started to notice,
Each party would become exhaustion,

My friends had started to notice,
I was trying to up-hold this notion,

My friends became distance,
I couldn’t keep filling this emptiness,

Flourishing myself in ecstasy,
Of pleasure and dreams
Treated as a remedy,
To escape from my reality,

Morning after,
Sunken eyes,
Wondering the streets of Brighton,

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again,
I couldn’t understand,

Why I stood with the pain,
Let myself become this way,
The struggles I hid,
Got worse within time

Your lips
So tender
They drown
Me in sin

I cannot stand who I've become
Cannot stand my own reflection
This person I view in the mirror
With no grasp of time or direction

Expectation destroying tender brain
Watching it chase thoughts around
Want to corrall the wayward beasts
To some corner to never be found

Time keeps doing *****
Throwing me place to place
I attempt to assert dominance
It responds by quickening pace

Fearing not the days passing
But my use of how many given
Not for lack of trying you see
I work hard but most days aren't worth living

My arms too weak to carry this load
My dreams too disobedient
Walls are whispering to eachother
Starting to question my sanity and sense

I cannot see my image clearly
Behold no beauty in my eyes
Pacing through flaws as I please
Every night escape with highs

Struggling to remember who I was before
Lost important parts of my soul
Wish I had done things differently
I'd sacrifice all I own to again be whole

I’m sorry
I couldn’t Stay dedicated.
Couldn’t get off drugs completely.
I’m sorry
My Drug use impacted
My present with you.
That I couldn’t manage to Keep my problem just to myself.

Knowing What I became
Brings a lot of disgust to your face.
The last thing you ever imagined..
Was to end up with a druggie.
I’m sorry
You were cursed & Brought the opposite of what you desired.
I know I’m far off
Your Type & what your
attracted to.
Im so sorry.

I feel bad because
You never made yourself aware.
I wish to go back in time
& Explain to you What Being an addict was & How difficult I’d become Once I’d get sober.
How my mind won’t function accordingly, how much of a mess I turned into.
I wish to go back & Explain well to where you’d back off me.
You never Expected
That my problem was really going to be a big deal ..

I know You wish to have
Been Inlove with a previous girl.
I know you’d wish
Your 1st love turned out to be
The one you’d marry.
I’m so sorry you ended up
With A terrible downgrade.

I’m deeply sorry
For not being stronger.
I held strong Through all your insults & Hurtful things
You’d tell me,
I held strong when I
was just your toy
Being told
“we will never be anything”
I held strong through all the rain & thunder you put me through before we got together.

I assumed
Being your girlfriend
Would change Everything.
We’d start fresh & be
happily Inlove.

That’d I’d be able to let go
Of all the hurt & move on
Having a strong loving
bond with you.

We Then Got Together
I even committed to
forever leave drugs.
Because I was serious on making us work & leaving behind all things that Made us impossible.
A new chapter
Filled with smiles & laughter
A fresh start.

So I had thought.
Little Had I known
Getting together
Wasn’t the answer to
Anything.