I need help.
You guys tell me what to do.
My best friend cuts herself
And I can’t understand.
Make me understand.
I don’t know how to help her.
I think she needs my help.
But I don’t know how.
For all those who have cut before,
What did you wish someone did for you?
I need to do that for her.

I’m the one puzzle
Missing puzzle pieces
That frustrates
And bothers everybody.

I’m also the dog
That ate the puzzle piece
To discreetly trigger
Everybody.

Always drowned out by darkness.
I will never let myself be
Happy and at peace.
I am currently
Tortured and in pain.
I am not always
Okay now.
I am finally
Drowned out so no one can get close.
I don’t want to be
The girl who is ignorant.
I am not
Peaceful and serene.

Tell me when to sit
Stop
Learn
Speak.

No
Don’t tell me what to do
Only I tell myself what to do.

Yet you scream
Within the large depth of my ear canal
“LISTEN TO ME”
“YOU ARE WRONG”

But no.
I am right.
Don’t tell me what to do.
You can shout my eardrums ******,
But your foul filth
Will never make it to my mind.

Ideas and ideals
Are almost the same
We think what we want
And we want what we say.

We think what we thunk
Is genius and wise
But really it’s just
A whole ton of lies.

We saw what we said
Was all in our head
But we did not take it back
We saw it as fact.

I know.
All of my poems
Are just excuses.
You keep on saying that:
“Stop making excuses!”
I know I made a mistake.
I wish I didn’t.
You are the very person
Who taught me mistakes are bad,
Whether it was directly or indirectly.
And I believed you.
I keep on trying to justify my mistakes.
I’m sorry.
I know I made a bad choice.
But I guess I’m in denial
That I made a mistake
‘Cause didn’t you say mistakes are bad?

I’m made out of colors
Colored outside of the lines
But I’m still turning out;
No one knows how this masterpiece
Is going to turn out yet.

Pretty lies
Poisoned candy
Try and deceive me
One more time.

Manipulation
Stuck in a maze,
Try and control me
One more time.

You want power,
I have what you want.
Try and use me,
One more time.

You will lose.
Every.
Single.
Time.

I miss
Everything
I can never have.
I miss
Everything
I never had.

What I can’t see
Doesn’t scare me!
I want to see
It anyway.
Curiosity
Drives me,
Not fear.
Or maybe it does.
Yes, yes, it does.

Remember when the sun shines bright
It is at it’s full potential height.
But when it’s light can reach us here,
It takes thousands of days, months, years.
Looking down at our puny planet,
Fill our seas with your life essence.
Must you take so long?

A poem every day
Keeps the doctor away.
Not really.
I wish.
I would live forever.

I wish I could figure out people
They’re such a big mystery
I don’t know if it’s possible
We can study and learn our history
But we’re so complex, it is not plausible

Snow brings a new start.
Each day is novel.
Rain washes off tears.
Weather makes anew.

I’m always on guard.
Always afraid.
Always on thin ice.
The eggshells-
They crunch beneath my feet.
Can’t say the wrong thing
Did I say the wrong thing?
Right and wrong.
Right and wrong.
Black and white-
Somewhere in between?

Time doesn’t pass,
It rushes.
Or strolls or flows or speeds.
Times like these deserve better words.

I am writer
Who wishes to be written
My writes are futile
None of them give to me
What I always wanted:
A story.
But I can’t seem to find
The theme hidden deep
In this encoded book
Of mine.
My plot has so many holes
I don’t even know
If my story
Ever existed.

Don’t
Try to get in.
The door’s locked
And I won’t open the door.

Don’t
Try to break my walls.
They’re made of titanium
Fireproof titanium.

It’s
So lonely in here.
Why
Did I imprison myself
Here?

Possess
The mess
That I am.

I lied
I don’t want to be tied
To you because I know
When you fly you fall.

Wake up.
Go to school.
Come home.
Do homework.
Do chores.
Read.
Sleep.
Wake.
School.
Home.
Sleep.
So tired
Of all this predictability.
Days
Blend into each other.
Every day is the same.

Something inside of me shifts
And everything seems ok again.

I don’t understand
Where you stand.
Are you on my side?
I don’t like being lied
To.

Questions are dancing in my skull.
So many
So many more.
Inquiry
Is my best friend
But if curiosity
Killed the cat
I’ll be dead
Soon enough.

I’m supposed to be writing an essay right now.
I’m not, as you can see.
You know, it’s funny how I’ve written 400 something poems already
But I can’t write an essay for the life of me.

I haven’t written poems in a week,
That’s enough to make me freak,
But HePo wouldn’t work,
It made me go berserk
I think it may need some tweaks.

I am your future.
You are my past.
Walking past,
Like I am just another person.
But your eyes flicker toward me.
A half of a second,
Not even.
But that’s all it takes.
We are each other’s time.
You are mine.
I am yours.
Time passes.
Our hands touch as we brush past.

Longing
For
Something
I
Will
Never
Have.

So
Obscure
I
Don’t
Even
Know
What
I’m
Looking
For.

Where are you?

Up in flames
Dancing around my burning flesh
You live
To set fire
Right?
You set me
On fire
Now I burn
I burn
Like dry paper
On the surface
Of a star.

I want you to trust me.
Do you?
Please, because I trust you.

Where are you
When I need you?

Calm down.
Think.
Use your brain.
Take deep breaths.
Don’t get overwhelmed.
Don’t stress yourself out.
It’s easier than you think it is.
I have been told
These things all my life.
Are they right?
I’m not sure.
I don’t always agree
But they might be right.
I think I am too opinionated
To determine whether or not they are right.
Maybe I am inadequate for not
Being able to do these things.
Maybe I am wrong.
Maybe everyone else is right and I am wrong.

Humming
People sounds
Surround.
The sound
Of civilization
Vibrate
Through the whole of society.
A nation
A city
A world
Hearing the hum
Of humanity.

Why do I keep messing up?
They say that making the same
Mistake over and over again
While expecting different results is insanity.
Maybe I am insane.
Because I sure as heck are making the same mistakes
Over and over again.
I don’t think
I expect different results though.
I think I have given up
On ever getting a good result.
Sometimes
I am doing well,
And I learn from my mistakes.
But I can never keep it for long
And I make the same mistake again.
I can’t be correct for more than three weeks.
Maybe I am a wrong person,
Because I cannot not make mistakes.
Everyone else
Make mistakes.
I am sure of this.
But their mistakes are small and trivial.
I mess up big things, like relationships.
Because that is messing up others.
This is why I need to be alone.

Toss
My heart aside.
Like trash
You don’t think of me
As trash
Right?
Yet you throw
Everything I’ve given you-
Everything I tried to give-
Away
Into the garbage.

Reassure
Realign
Reality.

Resign
Reduce
Reprieve.

Relieve
Retri­eve
Restart.

The world is so weird.
These trees keep on waving at me,
And the wind is whistling while it works.
But seriously,
The world is so weird!
Like
Why is the sun beaming at me?
How can a sun beam?
Does it even have a face?
How can a moon have a face?
Gosh, the world is so WEIRD!

Write to tell
Write to talk
Write to hell
Write to Mars.
Write for love
Or write for hate
Write just because
Write yourself away.

I doubt that I am poetic.
I doubt these words are pretty prose.
Most of my poems,
In fact,
Either sound sad
Or psychotic.
Not beautiful.
Bitter.
Yes,
These words are bitter.
Coal linings,
Of tears.
Not beautiful.
Scarred.

Remember the beauty
Of silence.

Remember when
Monotonous blab
Wasn’t used as a substitute
For art.

Remember when I could trust
The words of others.

Sky high
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
To stay and chat.

To stay and chat
Towering above.
No one here
Is as tall as me.
It’s kind of lonely
Up here in the clouds.
No one is tall enough
Sky high.

I hear your shouts,
Your screams,
Your cries,
Your yells.

I used to scream
But I stopped.
Because no one ever heard me.
I thought I would never be heard.
So I gave up.

I really hope you don’t give up.
Because I hear you.
You are heard.

She cut
And cut
And dug
Deep inside her skin.

But all
That ever poured out
Was ink
Flowing night.

Who
Are
You?

I
Don’t
Know.

Why?

I
Don’t
Know.

Where
Did
You
Go?

Somewhere
You’ll
Never
Find.

He kisses her like the breath you take
After sinking underwater.

She kisses him like a forest fire—
The way the flame caresses wood and grass
Consumed in a little sunrise.

The wave crashes into the shore.

It smells like salt, blue and briny,
It feels like sand on your skin.

The gulls cry overhead, but they
Cannot compete with the
𝘴𝘩𝘩, 𝘒𝘚𝘏𝘏𝘏, 𝘴𝘩𝘩, 𝘒𝘚𝘏𝘏𝘏, 𝘴𝘩𝘩.

her voice shivered on the precipice.
everything sounded like begging.
i felt it rise like bile but i
swallowed it whole and became a
good little soldier in the line of
fire. left-right-left-left
left-right-left right out that door
and pulled in all directions, feeling the
beginnings
of unraveling.

it feels like sinking.

it feels like the way wet paper
disintegrates
under the weight of
your touch, rends itself more
with each attempt to hold it
together. no, no glue
can fix this, nothing
can fix this now.

but i am a good soldier.

left-right-left-left
left-right-left-left
left-right-le­ft-left
left-right—
screeching, screeching,
jagged and ******
across the chalkboard.

suddenly sprinting, screaming—the kind
that rips out of the hole forming
inside you, landslides and avalanches, the
shriek of stone to rock to dirt.

roadside, arms flailing, trying
so hard to be seen.

𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘺—

suddenly, the sound of sirens.