the purple light
floated towards me
and a blaze
consumed it
the closer it came
a voice spoke
reminiscent
of the burning bush
that guided
Moses
“pack up and keep moving”
i was bewildered
She repeated
“pack up and keep moving”
initially hesitant
i felt a peace
surround me
a peace that i
internalized
a peace
that suddenly
made sense
i could no
longer remain
stagnant
in a situation
that would
only continue
dimming
my light
She knew
i knew
that the masquerade
had long been over
Her light
guided me
to higher heights
Her light
reminded me
that I was
bound for
higher ground
the sea parted
and with each
step forward
the burdens fell
with each step
i gained strength
it was as if
She
was the conduit
to God
that I had long
been disconnected
from
thank you for pushing
me
for walking behind me
beside me
and in front
of me
protecting me
from the weapons
that formed
but never prospered
thank you
for your
light
thank you for
your footsteps
that i happen
to fit
perfectly

room 109
is where
i await
for your key
to unlock
the door
i hate having
to meet you
like this
but neither
of us
can afford
to be caught
for a few moments
of pleasure
we forget
about each other’s
lovers
it’s beyond complicated
i hate it
sometimes
i think we are
making up
for past lives
where we almost
had it all
i am done
chasing you
for another lifetime
this is it
this is all i have
to offer
this is all
you can afford
to reciprocate
i accept it
with resentment
my pleas
for commitment
are met with
rejection
never once
did i state
i desired perfection
....i just
wanted admiration
public displays
of affection
dinner dates
movie nights
monogamy
game nights
where i let you
win monopoly
a title
some credit
i am so sure
about you
meanwhile
you second guess
my existence
you second guess
your own
this love is
dysfunctional
unconventional
exasperating
but it’s all i have
it’s all i want
you are all
i need
and you
refuse to
accept that
despite the
endless confirmations
you call
i run
i call
you walk
either way
we eventually
meet
and i cherish
all of it
i cherish
all of it

I crawled deep into
The cave
Before realizing
I was drowning
A river swept
Me away in its
Violent current
The tides pushed
Me deeper
I saw nothing
My lungs became full
I hyperventilated
Each moment of relief
Was followed by moments
Of hopelessness
The waters brought
Me deeper
Into the cave
Slowly, surely
I remembered I
Could swim
Not only could I swim
I could dive
The stronger the tide
Grew
The deeper I dove
Into the water
Finally reaching
The bottom
This was the point
Of life or death
I was sure of it
Then suddenly
As I swam back
To the top
I saw light
My head pierced the surface
The waves had calmed
I was no longer in the cave
I emerged on the other side
Light greeted me
I saw the shore
And I floated
Towards it
I laid on the land
Recovering
Yet grateful
This was my rebirth
This is my beginning

find me
find me
find me
so i can
find myself
i been alone
for so long
that i forget
i am
actually human
almost despondent
numb
full of sorrow
awaiting for
a new tomorrow
running against the wind
seeing who is faster
daydreaming of
my happily ever after

do you know
of the true power behind
your name?
or do you rely
on fame?
although you have
a mattress
you have no bed frame
clarity is something
you cannot seem to find
it routinely
disturbs your peace of mind
do you find your prayers
remain unanswered?
no shade to Tina
but you reduce yourself
to a private dancer
sliding down the pole
of iniquity
quickly
as soon as the high
wears off
you aim for the sky
and never reach the clouds
snorting lines
upon lines
upon lines
of melodramatic mania
speeding
needing
attention
dialing for help
in search of suicide prevention
naive to the fact
that hell is not
a place you will see
when you die
naive to the fact
that you are already there

Someone, something
Slithered over to me
And whispered in my ear
Telling me that I would
Amount to nothing
My bank account
Would never have
The right amount
In it
I would never
Be whole
Because I was empty
And incapable of
Self-preservation
If I did not depend
On another
I would surely die
If I could not
Find love
With another
I would surely die
If I did not slave
Under this corporation
That we call The United States
I would surely die
Brainwashed
Lost
Ashamed
I fell into
The trap of lack
A mindset I grew
To accept
And never question
Until one day
I discovered
The key that unlocked
My holding cell
Was the key
In my hand
In that moment
I escaped
Heading towards
Freedom Land

when i was
a child
with long hair
you called me a girl
when i was a teenager
you laughed at me
for reciting Kelis
lyrics as opposed to Nas
you symbolically & physically
beat me into submission
coercing me into
a false personality
a shell of masculinity
that appeased you
great to admire
yet hollow on the inside
you told me you loved me
but only if i loved
who i was “supposed to“
you did all this
but you still lusted
after me
i was only worthy
of your touch
in the dark
you would never
affirm me in the light
of day
but i am
no vampire
i am human
i am love
growing
through hate
transmuting cruelty
into benevolence
i am here
i have always been
and will continue
to be
you
will never erase me