died a million times
before i surrendered
being born again
looks nothing
like i imagined

his words are like honey
slow and sweet
sticking to your ear drums
seeping into your brain
but at some point
they turn sour
too bitter
to replay

his minuscule amount
of jealousy
seems playful
at first
before it erupts
only to rival pompeii

his fist
punches the wall
that eventually becomes
your face
layers of pancake mix
can barely cover
the pain

yet your deepest wound
is intrinsic

i love you so much
to life not to death
please baby
here me when i say...
GET OUT!

Am I handsome
Am I pretty enough
Am I doing
Am I saying too much
I can only be me
But the me
They see
Is a lot
To deal with
I still got baggage
I need to sit & heal with
Meditate
Contemplate
On society
And their standards
Of this thing called “beauty”
I cannot fit into its standard box
If you cannot love me entirely
You need to kick rocks
Cause I’m a lotus
Who grew in this world
Of hard knocks

the boy smiles
unconsciously
he laughs
without hesitation
he loves
naturally
gives without
expecting in return
his effervescence
is contagious
everybody loves him
nobody knows him
is he a lovable *****
or is he just misunderstood

wishing i could
write these emotions
down on paper
or paint them
on a canvas
drained
disappointed
distorted
are just a few ways
you make me feel
but it is not
you alone
it is you
it is me
it is the boys
from the past
who have yet to
become men
stagnant beings
with peter pan
as their father figure
why do i
set myself up
repeatedly
hoping
you and the lost boys
will follow the path
out of neverland

he drives me crazy
in the best way
he elicits
emotions
effortlessly
i will follow
him barefoot
for miles
just for a
fraction of his time
in return
giving him
this heart of mine

somehow you have
climbed inside of me
and festered
infecting me
with this thing
called love
as i resisted
you persisted
breaking down my walls
of generational curses
healing
every trauma
i had withstood
you understood
that beneath the surface
i was a soul
whose intentions
were good