I go to sleep
Hoping to see you
In my dreams
Missing you
Is a subtle way
Of putting it

the foundation was built on shaky ground
that sat upon ancestral graveyards
unmarked yet unable
to be disregarded
this house was painted
with my blood
which contains prostitution
anguish and ****
the pillage continues
menstruations of my foremothers
contribute to this particular
shade of scarlet
a hue that is beautiful
from a distance
even when photographed
until one experiences
the stench of it
in person
love is absent here
sorrow is abundant
but even trauma
can give birth
to splendor

to all the boys i've lusted before
you were never what i needed
you were never what i deserved
you were never competent
of giving me the love
i was entitled to
the love i am entitled to
i sold myself short
giving myself a measurable discount
i kept quiet
when i wanted to yell
i played a part in this
as much as you do
i was a staple on your casting couch
i auditioned
i won the leading role
or the love interest perhaps
then i realized there
was no love there at all
no love to be interested in at least
i always had an understudy
sometimes i was aware of them
other times they came as a surprise
my heart was fractured
but not broken
to think i broke a leg
**** near every show
for you
and you
and you too
no more
i am the writer of my own production
the director
the producer
and everything in between
right down to craft services
our visions no longer align
i am finally
independent

searching for home
we found it in each other
a refuge in the midst of mayhem
love in a time of hate
trump's america
this love blooms
it continues to flourish
it continues to demolish
the walls we have built
to protect ourselves from peril
this love
our love
will save us
in the same way big mama's
jesus is said to
our passion is the savior
we have been awaiting
the second coming
all have anticipated
lies within us
it has been on the horizon
all along

thoughts
the thought of your hand
in mine
your tongue playing tag
with mine
your bare chest
pressed against mine...
these thoughts
run repetitively
through my cerebrum
dreaming of how it
feels to take turns
with you
i taste like pineapples and mangoes
i promise
turn my reverie into reality

was i the toxic person
in your story?
did you mistake my intentions?
i now see the error in my ways
i want to right my wrongs
will you forgive me?

the need to escape
is beyond real
much like the struggle
this place is hazardous
a threat to my health
mentally & physically
i was never fulfilled here
although i had spells of hope
i soon began to realize
there was nothing at the end
of this rainbow
just fool's gold
keep your counterfeit
smiles to match the counterfeit dollars
you attempt to pay me with
i'd rather be paid in trident layers
than to fake another day
in this place
that is consumed with an invisible fire
it is a travesty that you are immune to the same flames
that will lead to your eradication