I use to look at your picture every day.
Then four times a week.
As of tomorrow,
I'll have almost made two weeks.
A long time passed.
Excruciating.

I'm not OK
They pay me to be.

I planted tulips last spring.
They weren't for you,
But I thought they could be.

The tulips bloomed again
Three red, one yellow.
As bright as your carnation
On prom night yellow.

The tulips bloomed too early
Hence the wilting.
I said I'd pull the weeds and tend.
It's almost been two weeks.
Excruciating.

Ideals

You do things the right way
You have your ideals. Your principals
You dress the way you dress
Say the words you want to hear
They do not have the answers


I watch their feet
I match their steps
I wear a tie, meet their stares
and dare not blink first

I do not learn from heartache
and match the cufflinks on their shirts
They do not have the answers

You have your protest
I take what I need, forfeit sleep
Take pause that they won't notice

I learned they smile when I repeat
scripture from a Bible
You have the right way
I have right now, survival

I finally grasped the lyrics
Of American Pie
Most days im dry and sated
If but for tonight

Then through the years, attrition
Our weight is lightened
I found from those to lean like Piza
The name called is mine

Knowledge is sought, no appeasement
Not mine, nor their minds
Comfort in abandoning reason
For the herd i smile

A warm January lies just before
We called for raining
I might had found myself aloud
We called for reigning

I. I am what I decide. What I built
My I's betray me

An image burned into my lids, the death
Of window staining