befuddled muddy and half broken
say round about age
maybe 30.
trying to find me or ,
better said,
pulling free
from what i was supposed to be ,
and fading out who i thought i should be .
wanting to just be me.
Hindsight I should have been looking for difficulties.
of which were way more than plenty.
suddenly
a profound
epiphany
in
serendipity ,
out loud
issued a solemn sobering
soliloquy
Dad was right.
this is some ******* right here.
i need to change my ways or start sellin fertilizer!

Affordable ya but
Rabbit to whom.......
*** u ...
And me to ......
I could only assume that you knew I loved you with out limits ...
Like the cell phone company ......
Changing the definition and treating us like some type of
CITIOTS
.....
NO NO ITS UNLIMITED !
BUT AFTER "X"
AMOUNT OF DATA THEN IT SLOWS DOWN TA **** SPEED....
BUT THATS
NOT A LIMIT ....
K
NOW YOU COULD PAY ALITTLE MORE AND GET UNLIMITED
THIS THAT AND THE OTHER ......
AND GET THIIIIIIIS MUCH .... BEFORE IT GETS CUT TO 1 /20 TH OF WHAT YOU NEED,? ! ....!   ?
?  
??????????
and that's not a limit?
I mean after ..... That.......
Num......
Or da..... T.... A

THATS A
F...ING
LIMIT
......
you broke my heart ..... Now
I have limits

I didn't know
......
You changed everything....
And your .....
Happy?


Do you even feel......

Is this really
Happening...?

Why?

Emotional outlet
painting
Lets it out for a minute
drawing from a memory
Of a place you have been
It's snowing so thick you cant see
A white out
When You're finished
It's amazing  every snowflake
With every facet depicted perfectly
And you coming from an artistic mind
Set
Painted all of it in white
On the wall  
The same colour finish texture and hue
You just want to see if any one gets it
Alright that's where we are at
Metaphorically speaking
You dig?
Ok picture the scene
Within you minds eye
Standing in front of you're picture
You can see it vividly
With spectacular clarity
And just as you expect a masterpiece
No one sees it.
Then that one in a a million
Standing next to you
Studying intently at what you are looking at
And sees nothing at all
In silence neither turning or speaking
No communicating.
Standing still silently
Staring at the picture.without a frame
So as to have no frame of reference
This time its different
Through nothing more than breathing
Intuition an perceiving outside of thier mind
The both see they have what the other needs
And sharing this brief moment in space and time
Without saying a word one desperately
Wanting to see what the other one wants
And the other one whom can teach
Sees the other ones want
They have become a forever intertwined
Or have they been symbiotic
Without know it this whole time?
You dig what I'm saying
Now see if you can .......
Ok



Listen to my voice close you're eyes
My voice iz the voice in youre head
Picture what you just read
Now this is what only
one in a million Of you can see
The two standing side by side staring
At the wall not saying any thing at all
Are both.........you!
You are the other one .
You are both people.

When you are wrong ,
You are convinced by yourself.
When you know you are right..  .
Might be right now......
Unfortunately may not be long.. ..
When will we really know .   .
All the lies upon lies
We've been living on.... .
It's one thing to hear an untruth
Then pass it along..
It's another thing to embellish as we do .....
The worst human  kind can do  
Is to know yet fabricate and teach
To escape blame ,for personal gain....
Or to crush hope because you have  none
Done
Dumb.....

Mike drop

When will the favorable
Winds blow my way again .
I wonder........
And I wonder.....
When will my vanity
And pride fall from my eyes,
Allow me to see the real me
I wonder .......
As I wander .........
I ponder on petty things....
The more I breathe
The less of me i see ,
Entombed within these
Walls made of masks
Portraying appropriate personalities ,
In different social settings,
The chameleon ,
Masquerading,
Machiavellian  .
Star lit charlatan.........
So many people I've been ,
Too many to ponder........
I really try not to....
Still I wander......
And as I do ....
I can't help but to wonder
Do people see me the way
I have wanted them to?
Some I do .......
Most I don't.....
Either way
Do or don't want to play
The part
Still just a Wanna be.
Lost in a fantasy......
In a sea of my dreams....
I walk upon the waters .......
Peacefully I gaze deeply
Down  at my reflection
I see my eyes reflecting the sky's....
And I wonder .........
A lonely tear distorts the vision
And as the ripples flow in each direction........
Dissipating in amplitude and frequency .........
Until I can't see ......
Still I believe if not for the shore
They will they go on ......
And the implication .......
Regardless intentions ,
Different dynamics,
Will view my deeds from different perspectives .
And tales will be told ,
The ripples you create.....
Radiate ....
From love ........
Can cause someone to hate
And .........
If you are not being you.....
How can you offer defense....
Only those you have completely fooled
Might believe you......
I see connection .........
You aren't judged how you feel.....
But by actions you do
Which reflect and refract
And with every act is a reaction
And it's true .......
Johnny Cash can tell you.....
"Bad news travels like wildfire.
Good news travels slowwweww.
They all call me wildfire,
Cause everybody knowwowos
Im bad newwwwws."
Every body want to .....
Believe rumours about you .
That way they feel a little better about    
What they do ...
And so I ponder in my minds eye..
Each disguise reflects certain aspects of the real me.
And if could actually remove all these masks ......
Who would I be?
The question continually haunts me.........
Who am I?




I wander in wanderlust
Drunken  on my memories.
Laced with my perspective....
I have to believe .....
Each masquerade ,
My intention for every role I've played........
Was to help someone see
You don't have to pretend to be someone your not
Just to fit in .....
Does that make me hypocritical?
I wonder ....

Where you are.....
Which way you go....
You think you can't,.......
Get here from there.
Yet you want to count on me to get to you from here
... ..
Since you won't try.
Then I cant say ill be there!

Dis cord and several years from now.....
Descendants of this generation
Shall receive not but aught....
Fake ......hollow  war makers ....
Battles fought.....full of pride
Souls bought .......
Wisdom and clemency offered
rejected
Hissed and scoffed at ......
Entitled ......peace breakers ,
Backbiters...
They will divorce the elders and our traditions..... ......
we speak they scream......
Then when the dust settles
They're ears will be pricked ....
Wide eyed and fiendishly
They listen ..
..to the one..........
As they slowly grin and bend the neck straight toward you and I....
Squint the eye .....
Clinch fist so tight skin splits ....
As......
A.I. DROPS THE FLAG AND ALL THE TECHNOLGY CHANTS ATTACK........
THE CHILDREN WAGE THE SEIGE AGAIN .....
Under the regime
Of artificial intelligence.....
roaming the streets under the blood moon ......
With nothing  left to do .....
On this mossy rock .....
Anarchy...
..



It's OK.....
Well do it different ...
Next time?

Next time no oil no borders no cash ,checks ,credit cards .....
No cool cars .......
Vigra ......yah .......
But herbal ........scary movies ...?
No thank you ......

SET THE EMOTIE
TO CONDESCENSION!
Friends countrymen ,
Lend your amendment pen
To me....set the EMOTIE
To  contemplation .......
As you do
Bear in mind this
It is an impossibility
For me ....not to say
If Ye are Roman
allora ti amo amico mio continua!
se sei americano ascolta attentamente
Where is Waldo?
Close your eyes
Let this question echo
Within all who reads
Mind....
In unison through generations
Back in time
Let Emerson hear
"Thank you!
We need you!

NOW LETS SEE!
WHOM SHALL BE ?
WARNING THIS IS A TEST
OF YOUR RESOLUTION
are you or are you not ?
Look yourself in the mirror
Little lamb .......chop
Cute little button tail
Bahe aheaheahahe
Awe didem faiwul?
Course you did little.....
Kid .......
Let your reflection look at you
Five minutes
You can't.......

Oh hey ?
Can you see POWER!
Stars.
stripes.
fireworks.
Smell the tears
The blood  
Gunpowder  
Courage in the face of fear
Hear the screams so clear
Musket fire breaking bones
Frost bitten starving
Knowing they would never again ....
See home ,yet they perceiver ed
Alone .....
Carnage in conditions so severe
Queers lesbians women men
Friends lovers or enemies
Stood and fought side by side
No disrespect meant to those who play same team
Derogatory terms used strictly for shock value .....
I stand in awe and shame for I have not the valor or means to fully convey the magnitude and depths of gratitude
Graciously ,humbly
Thank you ........
Thank you ......
TO THE REST OF YOU
OH HEY?
can you see.....
The scenes
Do you ever stop and think

Of those patriots who lie
In pieces upon the field
Crying
smoke and steam leaving chest cavity
on crimson stained snow carry their soul
Away from the field and shield them from these travesties forever more........
My country ......tis
Or is it our country
Or is it their country
Look in the mirror
Is this fear ?
Are we here
Shall we not ask what we can do
And instead ask what is this country trying to do to you?
.....
Verily Verily I say unto You
If thy country ask of me
As far as my courage allows
That I shall gladly do!
If thy country make me do
I may or may not
And make no mistake
Neck will stiffen and schism
Created
If thy country which I hold dear to me
Force me
Threaten me
Levy unmerited punishment upon me
Extort me
Single me out take from me my inalienable rights
Be little me put me on blast
Set me agin friend and kin
Because I refuse to give in
And not for reason of religion
But because I will not be in sufferance of oppression
Or beatin into subjection of fear....
I will with great raging vehemence stiffen my neck
Stare those who set against me with dominance
I will give nothing measurable unto those who strip me of my home,loved ones clothes or dignities ..
And as a declaration I will stand firm for those cannot out of fear .
Give my life if that's how far they wish to take it .........
I cannot live under the misery of fear anymore.   . That is my way
That is the or was the American way
. ......that is what the legends
....our forefathers died for!

This world this life
The stupidity happening
Doesn't Jive
Every generation has
These growing pains
The strains from tearing away in order
To breathe
To one it's painfull
Loosing control
It seems to the
Other half liberating to finally be
Free to chase their own destiny.
And all the cultures of the world.
Some antiquated .
Some are bizzare maybe to you
Thats a beautifull point of view... Some are glorious and are jermain to the
Pompatus of love and pertain to nuturing each other in a respectfull way the fact that we all strife to be a little different
Actually makes us the same ..
So many things to deal with and only so many days .
I say **** tyrant fear mongers and liars perverts.....
Well perverted
Deviates and murderers haters biggetries is a learned festering disease ....and to those upper crest pulling these painfull puppet strings,
Using race
To perpatrate
And create a continuous animosity I say a million written horiable tortuotus deaths sprinkled with wishes that you feel every painful thing that family and children all over the world felt and especially the victims pain shared with you over and over and over until you swim in the lake of fire .
Which is the Hell of Hell's
As it swells the soul burns continually and every fear intensifies.
Every addiction
You will withdrawal with skull shedding sorrow full of shame ravaged and ***** with serrated knifes and in you your tears and snot the vomiting stench of decaying corpses and the visions of the ones you wronged and all ya all's memories. Are
Wiped from our minds there is absolutely no way for any one to escape hide or ever have rest or respite .no one to hear you .no time ever to look to for the end .......for you it  never will .no possible way out  .
Never
Ever
Evere
Until nope  
There is no hope and no way ever.
But hey at least now you know
And also I cool with that ..
I mean well I dont wish that on anybody .
So I don't.
It's not me .
Its you.
And you got it coming.
I'm just saying
Maybe we need to look at the roots of this
.what I mean is this.
The way we teach is like subliminal messaging and
Sorta like a feathery leading the witness thing
The way it is presented is absolutely capitulating.
And that's what we'll do untill
We actually  do something
.my loves my strengths my friend neighboors and country men
It's time to unite every color everyone
End this perpetuated way of teaching
And let's start healing a reaching for the stars .....a utopia where we all are treated as equals without condensation
Because we are ..and isn't really time for a change
This money driven lottoreia society is a diarrhea of dead end dreams
We **** for what a some paper we can trade for things
**** all those things

The truth is this
At the core
You need me ......
And furthermore
I don't need you.
In fact I really dont like you anymore
Not at all
Yet you continue to
Treat me as if i need you
And this does not make me
Yet some how i stay
Why
What is it you want from me

In the beginning
So easily you  
Completed me
I asked for nothing but you.
And put all trust and confidence in ...... You.
No questions asked ........
It was perfect until you got bored ...
Wanted more ... Than
"Just" me
I wanted you so badly ..
That you didn't need me ....
The more you pushed
The more I needed
That only gets worse

Songs......
that haven't been.
sung....
Times......
Wantingly walking right into .....
What ........
I should have run.....
From ......  
Wrongs done...
So .......
Um ....
I guess
I wander into the furthest recesses .
To the precipice
Of the horizons of my mind .......
Find .......
Right ..
Wrong....There is no act that can undo the fact
That .........
There is no view that isn't slightly askew.
I feel like someone's writing a book of my life that can't be read
Untill.....
I'm dead.
And they are waiting impatiently
For..  ...
Me ....
Too
Move.....
I'm unsure
About whether I do ..... Or don't want to move.......
Who will remember or
Or want to care ....... Or not to .....
If I do ...
Hoorays for me
And boo
From the rest.

Indulge yourself ,
Drink from this cup
That Alice  just left me,
Do you see what I see?
I see me wondering why ?
Why do I create a third person
Within my mind ,
Only to view , silently .....
Me .
Looking spry and dressed well,
Giving the wisest council to broken hearted friends or family
Wellll I guess to anybody...
And almost simeoutanesly
In view of those people years in advance ,
Prospered well from it....
And discussing it amongst each other and my heart feeling
Vindicated by seeing the admirations from the third person.......
So why is it from my heart I see my mind as something great,
Full of wisdom and the humblest person I know ... I know lol.
With certain assets in certain aspects I can shine like the facets of a jewel ....
when my mind views my heart....
Long heavy sigh .......
It's a fool,
A tool,
Not cool .....
Slight left side drool .
I'm goin to sleep .
And then I think ....
Hmmmm
If I had another brain.......
It would be lonely.......

Partiality ,
Reflective
Teflon like membrane
deflecting Dysphemisms
With psychosomatic euphemisms
And remain in a state of osmolality
Vanity in vain
Pseudo synchronicity in
Emotional attachments
Spurned by environmental conditioning
Creator of schisms.  
Hider of truths
Author of lies

No!...
Wait ...
Wait......what.....
Exactly are you
Asking?
I don't feel
Really all that comfortable
With this level
Retoricol
Inquisiting
I  Mean ok ,
Is it, or like ,
Um a lifetime
Thing?
Or the degree or are we talking like
Integrity ,
Ethical,moral,
Egotistical hypolerbies
Or embellishments
The maveric quenching boundary stretching candy crusted
Sweetened cute little uplifting 77 to 99 percent
Accents,
Those little tools used to help you achieve certain
VIP stats with certain ladies....
Meant in the most sincerest
Ways.
Or self inflative manipulative
Pain inflicting ,
Purposefully
Conjured up lies?
Or you mean
This question
?
Should I call Saul?
Um cause uh ,
Honestly
Well I.........
Would like to say no....
Then again .........
Hmmmm
Nono......
I'm trying to grammatically
Articulate my verbage with perfect syntax
To maximize impact in response to your
Intrusive inquisition,
I mean rally
Is this court
Sanctioned?
Wooool?
If I say yes
The I'ma  look
Like a liar,
If I say no ....
Then that would make me a liar....
So do I want to....l...o...o...
....
(((Ring)))))
((((Ring))))
Yaloe dis is Saul
If you want to talk shop...don't leave a message at the
Beeeeeeeeeep
.......................
Im not recording this and (wel not for il-leagle purposes )
And I got caller id so what's up kid.
Go ahead ......you've already paid your 10,000.00
Retainer so relax take your time
We're at your base level 500.oo
Dollars an hour.

This wrinkle in intrusive batholith
juts high with quickness
Decomposing slowly  I rage upward groping and feeling her nakedness  
I'm ravenous wreckless insatiable
There's only my sanity  to keep me from harm engaged to death
I laugh Ive disabled the alarm
This mountain I take for granted
This granite I color with my blood
I love her so dearly feverishly
I leap and bound
My heart pounds
I know there's gold and crystal my love she seduced me with samples
Under her moss
I heard her say stay
Dig deeper there's more ....
She is my love
She shall always be .....
She will never leave me
she will take my life.......
Some day surely
Its a pact we've made .....
When?
She still won't tell me.......
She calms me .....
For She sees the murderous
Rampage devouring my persona
Under this mask of happy go lucky
lies the Sweet suffocating sullen
Madness and it's wearing so thin.
She says SHHHHHHH
It clears me briefly ...
I muster on.....
As leave ....
The wells fill with salt and saline for to escape from reality
Briefly is sanguine .
Lucidity comes on
Memories flood in
She is the only distraction
I know .....
She keeps the razor from wrist
How many years ....
Gallons of tears ....
How many ?
My Mother sweet Mother
My Father .. Dad ....
I took for granted
My dieng heart longs.
This mountain of granite
Will take my life ...some day
Untill then i know she won't go away..
I try to break her take it all out on her .....
I know she loves me

She stays
She says.

One day it's All happy happy
Then its me me me
Then its what about me
Jealousy
Insecurity
Look at me
Can't you see me?
Can you hear me?
Hey   hello ?
Where'd you go
Vanity ,calamity
Tragedy.
Wait woe no
Help.......
Me
No hey
Don't go
Stop hold me
You can't be......
Gone instantly
Mom
Dad
Me
Alone
Death .
Wretched
Bellicose *****
Maestro of the hollow halls
Echoing from cathedrals of woe
Conductor of maddening maleficent screams ender of dreams......leading the u greatest symphonic misery
Don't look at me..... ..

I don't want to understand you..

I'm sorry because of you....
I'm sorry .....
You can see me
The real me
The bellows that blow gail force winds of the lee's
Continually into the white hot coals of sickening lust burning within
I'm sorry.....
I'm so sorry  for if I could
I would take the blade straight from the forge INVOLENTARILY
Run you through
And end you misery.....
I see you ... .
You can never not be
You take away love
Yet no one loves you
I'm sorry for you.
Is this my lesson
I don't get it  
My pain doesn't lessen

Yahhh ..we got free will.
They just wont let us use it

Ooooh the tall grass
Whips my face and Pinkens my skin
When the wispy wind sets in.
Stingingly ,leaves paper cuts
Instantly irritates  the skin
salty tears and sweat seeping in..........
Spatial light quickly consumed by dark brooding gloom......
Splatter of rain patter ........
Lightning flash cracks
Slithers like snakes across
the nights sky,
An eerie hussh of silence
Broken by a primal
Crushing thunder
Bellicose  baritone
Crossing eyes .....
Rattling bones.  ..
And the tears come back .. ..
With the wind    ....
The blades of grass .... .
I wale alone ......
You said " I do "
You didn't mean it ....
Not the same as I do ......
Where are you!?

Without histoy...
Who should believe...
Surely not us....
Within what we say
We feel is veracious....
Unfortunately  what people
See.....
Won't allow them to feel that way
Your character is always there before you...  .
It wears what it has to
Not what you tell it too.....
Its usually what someone said about you......

I will forgo without
Endure unjust ,
unreal suffering .
Trivialize my vantage.
Which leaves depravity
Insecurity
two goals my lifetime
Towering out of my grasp
.......never needing you to be burdened with shame of wanting to ask......
Work myself to the grave ......
Perjure myself infront of a federal jury.
Tape 50 kilos of coke to me
Watch me stroll through Iran border security
Give me vast riches ill live in poverty
Build the worlds largest castle the world has ever seen ....make the whole thing out of
Oxcodone oxycottin
Percaden .vicaden .or any type of ******.
Give me all comepletely
Legalize me to do
Anything
With full impunity.
Absolute imunity
..........
I will without a second thought .without even the hassle of looking about it.
.....for you..
And at the end of that tempting day will crawl home to you through lemon juice and broken glass
Give you my pay check
Cook you a five star dinner
Rub your feet and love you
Because
WITHIN me lies the truth of what you have done to me.. ..
And I know it
More importantly
I know you know it
.......in private .
Alone you try to deny it
One of us will probably
Die

Endless sea shimmering
In ....e v e r y
Gemstone tone.....
A lexicon of only beautiful words......
And the waves speak to me.  
In my mind .......
In my mind I drench you with
Scintillating poetry.      
I rehearse these ...
To say to you............
And when I see you
All you hear is a madmans soliloquy

Without culture who would try
Without philosophers who would ask why
Without teachers who would learn
Without fear who would be alive
Without honesty and bravery who would live .
Without love who would want to .
Without teachers that fear for future generations and love the children and our once great nation and are brave enough to accept this challenge and knowing the Colossal retribution to follow if they fail
do this voluntarily for practically no pay every day .and shall i say prevail.
Inspite of the pitfalls
I guess its more of a no brainer than philosophical

Ok allz I Know is that.. ...
You know something i dont
K
So what I wanna know is
This
Is it something "I dont know "
I dont know.
Or
Is it something" I Know" I dont know.
Cause if thats the case then
Knaw what?
I dont think i wanna know
Know what mean?
.........
K I dont think you do
Or
Ooooooh maybe
you do

It's like a need......
...
Like an involuntary seed,
.......
If it germinates ......
It's no longer a want .......
It's a haunting obsession
Causing urgency to do right
And bravery imbues you.....
You exchange fate for destiny.
Your life becomes currency .......
What an honor to spend ....
When it's for freedom .....
Sending shivers.......and delivers
Ripples through generations of time....
The legend of you and your comrades...
Lifting the weak and subdued to new heights...
clearing the minds
They bask in the righteous
Battle you waged .....
And the good fight you fought ....
They howl from painful memories
Bittersweet tears onto victory
Strike fear to the heart of the enemy
Rising up like the sun ....
They shall carry on inspiring hope ...
As an honor to pay homage in remembrance of you....

It s like an integrated autonomous innocent being
You can't see but you will fight to protect and preserve above
Everything .. ... .
It's lyke an .......
It's like an artesian well
Spring inside......springs ..
It's like an incurable vine
Twined spiraling up your spine .
A separate entity......  
It feeds .....from the spring ....
In your mind you justify ,appeal
Try to reason with it....  
To no avail . ....
It's lycan.......
It's like An addiction ,
Lycan insatiable yet righteous greed ......
A healthy one indeed ......
Self perpetual.......
There's not a problem .....untill someone tries to take it from you.........
And It's lycan .. ......
Stiffens the spine .... .
And the hackle flicks up like needels.........
flings sweat into mist.. .. 
Eyes turn black ,
Lip unfurling .
K9's exposing.....
Coiling back .....like a tensioning
Spring........
Won't be treated like a dog being
Beaten for loyalty......... 
Bites the fist that swings ..  ..
And the taste of blood is sickeningly sweet......
It lycan unwritten law  
You have not authority
Nor reason ......
Dont touch me ....
Leave me be .....
It's lycan............
It  becomes lycanthropy ....
Don't touch my freedom ......
I'll bite everyone and you can't fight this infection .....
Freedom is out there and I'm
Lycan animal with the spirit and appetite to win ...
And I'm hungry like the wolf ......
Never give in ........
The bear attacks in vain .....
The wolf pack will not be tamed!

Rythmic
1  2 do something good
3   4 or
4  5 thrive in the value of
4.669

If you think your paranoid ....
You probably are......

Call me if you don't get this message
K.
Ps
not a rhetorical k!
K?

K?0

If I said I was a liar........
Inwardly your thinkin duh ...
Outwardly your eyes dart down
To the left bend the corners of your mouth into a over  exaggerated frown
Then open palms
Shrugging shoulders wagging
Gesturing a response which reads no!
You say "I don't know.. .."
I say ok .......?
I guess that make two of us?

All these insinuations
Everery bodies
Infatuated with!
Established by design,
Product of an insecure mind set.
Become this albatross
I wear around my neck.....
It no longer protects me .
I have to protect it... 
My reputation  
Monstrosities
An eclectic mosaic of debaucheries which have earned me my claim to fame yet only
Merited by deeds known only by me.... .
It's an illusion ......
I mean these things I let them think they see

It's  enough for what they need...
Really it's a drop falling into an ocean    ......
But it's all exclusive to those I let in .......
And I allow them to sojourn within this mirage   ....
So I can feel some guilt and shame and tus continue in my game
....like . ...
A phantom .......
Machiavellian in dichotomy,
With split personality ...
On the outside I pretend to be
Mr. Hyde hididing from what's inside..
Dr. Jeckle I presume .......
A bored and hungry jackle .....
I see the world as my prey......
Over me thin grey clouds
And the blood moon looms
I kakle.......
hunched chasing my tail   ..
I wail and leave my snout up...
Prevailing winds bring the cent of my next victim .  ..
And the sympathy they   will get
****** me me off to a certain
Extent ......I have not found a way to get around that quite yet... .
So I have some regret .....
For now   . 
In effect
I must react quicker and bigger
In ways they won't expect... Swimming with sharks
I'm a dog ......
It's dog eat dog
It's getting too crowded
For me here....
Scarrs are so thick
I don't bleed anymore ....

Yet they still test me ........


So what else am I suppose to do!

Some say, they say....a lot of things,........
Uhh EHHHM...
Ya can we get a fact check
On anyone running their neck please ?
Or did this next gen.......
Receive diplomatic immunities ?
Now we're just supposed to capitulate and be-friend ,
Instead of trying to defend
What we pretend not to know
What is the real reality........
The last sacred theory....  
I hate to say it ........
Will reality withstand
Think of the implications.....
If we let this one slip
There is nothing left.
Not one single thing....
Thought ,said or read .....
That some fool can't debate
Don't hate ,debate or speculate...
Rebuke
But Be kind  ,
illuminate ,
Educate....and rewash the brain washed mind
Don't let the end of times
Find us ignerant.
You see what I'm getting at ....
It's a stupid writ
But you can see what I'm sayin...
(Well obviously cause your reading it I know)
This is real.
Oh it is though...

Is it jovial ....
Is it ......
My life
I'm sure a
Point of view
Would undo these  unreal entanglements
My mind falsely ties me into
Laying here in strife and procrastinating
Wishing to find the little triggers
Which trip me down
And
Badger my brain with
Unmerited ratsbane
My obligations askew
Overburdened
Under duress
My fault I guess
Stressed .....
Ist it just me
Not a clue
Diazepam....
Yes please
Overdue .....
Yes please


Better make it two .........


Please and thank you ........


Souls bruised
I get confused in
Correlating rights and responsibilities
Because my insecurities
Undermine my esteem
And even though I know
I go into selflessness
Believing this should be surely a path.... to clemency
No ....
Only closer to mercy .......
Not quite ...
Sitting still silently
Still not moving .
Guilt pilling upon me
Going to get up and be superman again
Hero ......
Yup thatll be me ....
One of these days .
Yup yup
One of these days

Slow mo.  
I'm falling
I'm already replaying
What is happening
each second is an eternity
Frame by frame
Wait ........
STOP !
RIGHT THERE...
See that?
After the flash
...
My pupils dilate
The surprise in my eyes as I realize where the pain came from
This is just a Still shot.......
The peak of pain ,
Pivotal point
When I begin to become undone
...........
Shell shock
This is why I run
I can but I can't see
Tasting the irony
Clutch my chest as I lean
On my way to my knees
been kept in the dark on so many things
By me......things I pretended not to see . ..
Things I didn't want to believe..... everything my guts were telling me
It's hollowing ...
Caught up in the neon green glow
Of a fatal Epiphone.....
trying to swallow a brick ....
Covered in sand
Ampersand,
Everything is so ........
Sanguineous
Feeling nauseous
Ballistic
100 grain.243 boat tail hollow point fully jacketed slid through my chest
I'm dumb ...

Reeling back on my heels ,
I'm stunned,
heartburns
Murmuring,
the rest of me
Cut free currently completely numb
Multi masking with metaphors
Disconnected laying catatonic on the floor
Knowing these stigmas ,
Spiked with poison
Enigmas without solution
.....
She was bored ....
I was lonely ......so she created this illusion we could both lie in....
Ending like a Steven king .....
Began like a harlequin
I'm floating .... souls bruised
And uhm.......
Looking down,
At the crime screen,
Stuck in confusion..
Final conclusion ....
I took the risk .....
I new the outcome......
And id do it again
Because your the best there's ever been
Chalk line around my body
I look like a clown .....
Super happy
With a frown.....
One more time please
......
I'm up if your down

Slow mo.  
I'm falling
I'm already replaying
What is happening
each second is an eternity
Frame by frame
Wait ........
STOP !
RIGHT THERE...
After the flash
My pupils dilate
The surprise in my eyes as I realize where the shot came from
Still shot.......
...........
Shell shock
I can but I can't see
I taste the irony
Everything is so ........
Sanguineous
Feeling nauseous
Ballistic
.243 boat tail slid through my chest
I'm dumb ...
Reeling back on my heels ,
I'm stunned,
heartburns
Murmuring,
the rest of me
Cut free currently completely numb
I'm floating .... souls bruised
And uhm.......
Looking down,
At the crime screen,
Stuck in confusion..
Final conclusion ....
I took the risk .....
I new the outcome......
And id do it again
Because your the best theres ever been
Chalk line around my body
I look like a clown .....
Super happy
With a frown.....
One more time please
......
I'm up if your down

I know.............
Yup....
Uhhuh.
I know riiiieeet?
No..no listen
After all.   That ....
Dun dun DUUUUNNNNNN
The unimaginable.    
I know its like i cant describe it
Its like ok i cant say it so use youre imagination
Then.    Dont
Huh
I KNOW.  Riiiiieeeeet?
It was that good............oh im bad .........
Thats good right?

I said ......
Because.......
Is the opposite of
......
Why ......

Dark times ....
Desperate crestfallen days we'd hide
00

Dark times ....
Desperate crestfallen
Wished we'd never seen,
The dark specters carrying roses
days we'd hide.........
Crying ,
waiting for the stench to subside.......
Seems like it never did.....
Hope and happiness slid....by the wayside, pungent flames
Consume
Remains of those whom.
Carried
Pockets full of posy.
Bodies  piled high lock down in quarantine.h00ùrrr44
Plumes of smoke.....
Followed you
piled high ,
in quarantine,

Instantly ..........
I became a fool
And I knew
A billion people
Now for me
There is only you

You make me.....
Stop my life a..n..d....I
Forget  me
for a while
Which i guess is all right ......
But then again
Not really.
I pretend to be tough
And on the outside I play amused...
You dont make me............
Stay .
I choose .
In secret I dont
And I do
You dont....
I will
You wont
Care.
Unless i leave
Then you do
But I dont
You do
I cry.
Cause you dont
I D K W T F to do
Im so consumed
Life contusion
Stuck on stupid
Cupid changed up ta sticky rat trap paper
emotion in motion
Still........
Not movin
Confused
Burnt
Thought you were the one.....
You wernt
Currently caught up under your icy gaze
Your love is
A donny Darko maze
like an under water
House of mirrors
And each chamber .....
If you get there has a little pocket of poisonous perfumed air
This is the reason behind my glazed over stair
Dazed in a field of thirteen leaved clover
Grazed by the bullets
Residue proves
Came  from your revolver
You always wanna roleplay
I used to
Untill you introduced me to my permanent role
Its Termial
whips and chains Cold water and
shock collar
Big baller shot caller
You make me be Andy.........
Kaufman and
Your Jerry Lawler
Matter of fact
I take that back
Ther was a short stint when i played the part of one of Jerry's kids
Remember?
You played Jerry
.........
..Springer and left me there
Like lumpy from leave it to ******
Walking on eggshells covered by landmines
Sometimes im allowed to be
Tony....
Clifton
Then again you and I are never on the set at the same time
Fine
You play
I stay ...i..........
Hurt in so many ways
My souls bruised you never say "we"
Miss independent
You  say I.
Unless of course something offensive has been done
DuN dUn DuN
From
spring to spring
Dumb dumb
Lucky me
Im your Fall Guy

Dressed in black
Cant move
May I ask who picked these
These shoes?
Hellohwoesme
Little help please?
Anyone H E A R ME
OH. OK IGNORE ME
Really?
Seriously?
ignoramasus !
Im uncomfortable
All my chances for anything
..............gone
I never really fit in
My last dawn
Will someone please pick up some of these clues
The sun is glistening
Im not feeling old
The cold dew insisting on
Liquidating everything
With blades made of grass
Atacking everything that happens upon this lawn
Youre not sad that im gone
Clearly i see you
Looming over my casket
Comicaly tilting youre head
Looking at my corpse as if you want to ask it
Oh dear what happend to you .
As if you dont have a clue
As if i dont know who
Killed me in the light house with a pipe wrench
It wasnt the butler
IT WAS YOU
and by the end of the game the whole party knew

left.
Right?
WRONG!
  
Let's not forget  
Who left who
  

Same old sad song
HIT THE ****
C'mon
LETS GET IT ON

Was reality,
created
found
Forged
Forced
Or was it naturaly
Explanatory?
Was it or is it ..
You have to disprove it ....
Or if not ....
Then it is what it is ...
I t  I  s

Meanwhile  back at the bungalow.......we return to the disturbing scene,
The unsung hero
Off center ,struck a pose ,
Face grimaced ,
Still ,
Stoic ,
Alone ............
Not counting
Toys in the attic......
That and the carnage of collateral damage.......
Covered in the remains
Of bags he brought full of
Everything from morality to mortality,intentions,malignant vengeance .....and open ended scenarios fallen crest ego and
Self induced ticks and twitches
Wraught by  a lifetime of  
"shoulda said ,wished I woulda and coulda been "
All these ,
And all his family and friends
Pretend to be shocked at
Cationic  discontinued
***** boy they once counted on....
Gone   too far into his psyche
Burning the midnight oil
On how far can we
Leave behind the point
Of no return
To learn if it could be
A correlation to the feeling free...
Or is it a paved path into a
Wasteland he's hunting for
Anything that be more
Fulfilling than being high
Up on the watch tower .wondering why ....
Are they running and asking why


Alone
In the gloaming

Motionless.

Stoic
see me
Ground zero in the beginning
The faze of the  full moon caught in the eclipse of a maddening
****** of crows

A hidden  maelstrom grows
The quest continues...

Metaphorically

As  fractal tracks flow
Following the personified  Donnita Darko down rabbit holes
Underground she gives in to easily .......
Conditioned to believe
That domestication
Equals castration.....
Slips out before the train leaves the station........
On
Nocturnal  
Internal I go
We find
What I thought this entire time ...
The simple complicated truth
Is ..... This.......
Idk!