Perpetually adrift ,
..Oblivious..
My love for you
Flowers in bloom
I use to cover the walls
Of this tomb
In delirium continually
Loosing room
fragrance
Replacing family ,friends
Sweet suffocating cessation
In self opression
I know I now exist
In Culpable remiss.....
Fading reasons to not go deeper
No longer hear the voices that say"leave her"
In love with everything about you..
I send poetry
I'm devoted without end
I don't understand
Anything you want
Anything
Messages sent hourly
Saying I love you
I hold my breath
Waiting for response ...
You never do
Evena negative response
Is positive feedback
Its all I need from you
This silence ts twisting my existence

Hypocritic
Machiavellian
With
Sadistic
Intent
Monolithic
Opposite
Of
The fundamental
Reality

Artesian of
Maelfeasions
Supernatural
Thermal vent
Belching subtle, delicate
Beautiful
Believable
Lies  .....
Composer of
Compromise
Rotten
Death filled seas
Of
Composting
Broken dreams
Feeder an ruler of
Flies .....
With malignant
Stagnate
Tributaries .
The fact
That
You
Are
Enemy
Of
My enemy
Does not surprise
Me...
Get behind me
Stay that way.
You have
Aught
With
My adversary
Does not make you friend
When he would be
Destroyed
You will
Turn on
Me...
I am
To someone an enemy
Yes.....
They are not my enemy .
They have lived on
Lies
And
This
I pity

There can only be
One solution

.....Truth.....

Find the standard
If in agreement
With it .
Then do not
Combat evil for evil
It will only convolute
Fact and fiction
Till you character
Will betray you
......
To the world
You resemble
The aggressor
Not the victim

...
Ballistics or statistics
Enemy or
Allies
Truth or
Lies
Composition
Or compromise
Divine
Or demise
Devise a way to divide
Yourself from what
Can take you
In later days
In ways you could never expect.
The future is opportunities
Or is it
A
malicious
Past you
Will see
..believe ..
Me

Is it wise to think differently?
Theoretically ?
Is it wisdom you seek?
If yes then....
Is it the picture
Of certain pompous people's
Looking up to you...
Or is it pure benevolence
That moves you
Then wisdom will suit you
Any reason other than this
Still is vanity
If it is vanity
You seek
then seek vanity

Looking for wisdom
Is a wise thing
With diverse accoutrements
And you should know now
Evidence suggests
It is a road without end
That will bring you happiness
Give you substance
The road if you  must
Begins in understanding
MASHAL
These are not treasures to discover
These are skills
Learned and eared
Truly
Treasures beyond
Measure.

Half melted
***** snow
Crystalizing
As last spatial light like a laughing
Coyote
Runs
Drunkardly
In short jagged
Bursts
Stops slowly looks back
And smiles
Peruses me
In a defiling
Way
You had no intentions
Of loving
Me
Soon after you
Beguiled me
Severed my ties
From everything
Dear to me
Peeling my skin
With acidic lies
And then when
I needed you
Desperately
......
You wet me
Up
Tainted
Me
With your

Sickningly sweet venom
your comforting words
In
Plain view
You
Scooped straight from the septic
Sadistic
Its so clear to me now
Yet i still dont know how
Your magic
Filled me
Giving me almost supernatural
Power
I would have
On a whim
Conquered
The world for you
Instead
You secretly
Forced yourself in side me
And layed a brood of eggs
A layed contently
Watching as you stories of woe
Incubated
And snickerd
As the hatch broke free
Muscle and sinue
Popping and cracking
And the sounds of pockets of air
Difficulty
Moving though
Liquid
As they devoured
Still i continued
To love you
The whole while
Mortally
You wounded me
Portraying the one trying to save me from me
Quietly telling
Everyone im in therapy
You belicose *****
You are not my
THERAPIST
You are in fact
THE ******
You actually took pleasure
In torturing
Literally
Got off on waterboarding
Me with
Costic
Love
Like
Dung covered
Tines
On a rusty
Pitch fork
The instant
Your ivory fangs
Pierced the nap of my neck
I felt poisened
The waters from you mouth
Leaching in
Teaming with
Sour worms
Causing violent
Spastic fits
You orchestrated
La pobré nîna
Flipped the script
I was out did
Left questioning
My memory
For
Ive been abandoned
Caught in your live trap
And acted burdened
Dragging my carcass still breathing
To the middle of
Nebraska
Bereft me of my clothes
Took a moist meat hook and hung
Me
Walking away i heard you *******
For days
Feeling the dank bitter
Breeze
Stinging
Unimpeded
By the endless
Fallowed fields of yesterday dreams
And tomorrows
Sorrows
Dangling
The last ugly
Gourd
Left on this leafless vine
Hollow
I alone
Know the truth
iconoclastic
I hold the golden key to the most important mystery
....crestfallen. ....
Dejected
Outcast
And sullen
No one wants
To know
Public
Ememy
No 1
...........
........

Me
...

..


.

Standing
.......
in
Remembrance.
.......
View through the pain .
.......
Crystalize before me....
Only just the corners......
Fine intricately
Twined......
Leaving a perfect
Obround
For those looking in ...
Very much like a
Rockwell
Thomas kincaid
Mixture
In a rustic frame.
Flocked with hodgepodge
......
As I picture me
Outside  
......
viewing
Me through the window pain
..........
I'm imaging
Upstairs
Looking intently from the inside.
At
Winter scape and trying to ..
See
If the one outside .
Can detect the pain I feel .
I'm nervous
Cause the screen is so beautifull
I don't want to ruin it ...
I'm standing back aways behind me outside  in view of all this
And the looks on my face .
Not good ...
So I try to get my attentions
Being comical
To lift the spirit
......
I'm watching and smile starts to unfurl
Until
.......
Duuun
Dahh

Duuuuuu.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Off on younger
I see the older
Pretend to be
Mature me. ..
On horse carriage
In a civil war
Uniform .  
Hair greased over ...
Black ish
Brown
handle bar mustache
Kinda like
Kurt Russell
From tombstone
.
Tell em
"What's coming.
.............
AND HE'S
BRINGING
HELL WITHEM
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHISTLE
WHISTLE
HYAAAAA.
In the backround
Up in the sky..
That old familiar twang of  
Cashs'
Guitar
Echoing through the canyons
And it's
Me
I fill the
Whole sky
I m singing with Johny
Man
Yah
And
I think I'm chrome plated .......GHOST ......
RIDERS
...
...
ON THE STORM
Now I'm
With
Morrison ..
DAM .....
the dam
Cracked an the water began to flow   .
The perfect storm .....
And the water breaches
And it's quickly over taking
The valley down below ...
And the little cottage I stood
Glassy eyed
Gazing it the window .
Is gone
Along with all my splinter
Cell
Me's
All but one

Then
He died from grief ...
And the me
Singing in the sky
Sobbed
And wept uncontrollably.
For years . .
Ohhhhh
Who could console me?
Finally ....
I lifted my eyes
And
Finally ...
The world saw the raw real me....
And
I was understood ..
Wow
Glorious .
We all cryed tears of liberation and joy  
For me....
Melon Holly ....
Then someone in a boat started birchen.sayen
He's the reason the whole Earth's all flooded.
Had kina
Uh dirt farmer
From the grapes of rath .
Sort look to
Him ...
Tall .lanky ....
Then I heard a mumur
Turnt to a roar  
And now I'm back to regular size .
And the roaring crowd behind me screaming
Yah get him.
And it's the Spartans from the
300
Movie ...
Leonitis
Face is grimaced  
******
He's
****** .
Right on my heels .
I jumped off a clifffff
Ffffffff
Ffffff
For crying out loud
Can I ever just imagine something
Beautifull
Without all the extra
Dolly lama drama.
Man
.
Tell ya
I
Feel
Sorry for me


I can just picture
M.....e.....
S. ....t......
Not..
Gonna doit


As a myriad of ;;
Nope

You pay for the whooooooole
Seat but you only
Use the edge!
Jacques Cousteau
Without his flippers.
I see de feet
And zoe eye szay
Vhere am I Goingkah.
I simply do not know....
Although it is still a mystery to me
And yes
I can confess to you
My friends
At times a little scary
Yet who are we to resist ?
We can be anything.......
A an olive branch on de nile
Foating along effortlessly
Or contentiously
strong arming  the clock
Try holding back
....the hands.....

Vanity

Inevitably

the sands of time
will have its way
and burry you.
Would you believe me

If i told you I was a liar?
Ok...a fool?

Or......if you perverse.
A private ****
Without a clue.
Still groping
A closet pyromaniac
A star in this ruse.
I slipped and fell in love
Way to soon .
My life caught on fire
It hit me so hard
my soul bruised .
I wasnt prepared
I wish  there was some
Kind of a school for the young and naivete .
Of course i can
Say that now
Want and need are two
Different things
One comes from
Greed the other
Out of necessity
Same as fate and
Destiny
Buzz words
Sugar coating
Fantasy and reality
Desire and have to be
Let me give you
A small sample
I wish i didnt know love and hate
As fate would have it
Im an addict to both
Its disturbing
coexisting twisting each other
Alone And together they augment
My reality
Just like a bend in time increases with altitudes
(That is reality)
Which by circular reasoning
Gives us the illusion
Of gravity
(That is fantasy)
Truth is
My addictions would have found me anyway
Now the world is my oyster
And im withdrawing
Chasing what i think will
Heal me
Exciting and confused
I kind of dont feel the same way
......as when i first used ......
Then again
we probably never do
I hate being in a state
Of chasing a high from the valleys below cause when you fall ya got a long way to go
Injured and impaired.
I self medicate interchanging
Love and hate

which have drug me
into
My fate
so addicted with love
The catalyst and
The accelerant like a
Two part epoxy
Both in me rent the veil

Mingleg and congealed
Over time i think im healed
I fear its only temporally
Not knowing
Im made out jade and im afraid
The One that taught me how to live
Or told me what to to on this pilgrimage.
Is no longer here
And ive surpasssed in years
Im loquacious and full of laciviousness
A facade to stave off the tears and even though
I love being alone
I remember being
Madly in love with my reflection
Thinking vainly saying
Cant get much closer
To perfection
Now im in the gloaming and it bitterly been months since iv dawned a mirror
im lonely here

?

Immaturity suits me
As I'm not old enough yet to
Have the authority
to
Say no to me
Although some time ago
This opportunity
Had been bestowed to me
I declined
Unbeknownst to me.....
.
Em I'm like
I don't G  I  V  E
A
FUNNNNNNN
FUUN FUNNY
HEH

Reckless?
perhaps!
Yet in digress ,
Since this term
lacks a positive equivalent
Personally I prefer
Maverick
In much the same way
I shan't say
My heart is made of bravery
Most of the time
Trembling in fear
Has never been
Less than courage's

The greatest of love
Lives within me
Paramount !
Against insurmountable
Odds
Perpetually
Weighing
Truth
And
Consequence's
Moral and ethical
Rules regulations boundaries
All these things
Blur
And logically
My mind
The nagging back seat driver
Keeping revisiting the past
The pain,
jail time,
The Hell!!
Strapped to the torments
Infidels
Wielding
sledge's and  
And splitting malls  

My heart can override
These memories
Too often
Issuing
Forgiveness
And
Absolute
clemency

Basic instinct
Prime objective.
Mind and heart agree.
Perpetrate promote
Propagate
Propitiate
Participate in the
Sewing of the seeds of love
I have the will
I have the power
I have the desire
I have inherited
The overabundance
Of these things
From both my family and especially
My mother and father.  
And ultimately
The highest gratitude
To my heavenly
Father
The Greatest love within me.
Thank God for
All of this
And everything

We
Are
**** Sapien
Primate
Animalia
**** absconditus
**** adaptabilis
**** animalis
**** hypocritus
**** superior
**** poetica
In regards of me and you
I see a resemblance
In the last two
Same species ?
True!
Same team?
I used to think.
I still do.
I wonder if you
Still think
Or do you
Just
Do
?
The difference is greater
Than
The similarity
I AM ME
who
Are
...
..
.
?

3/4 of half the time
In my mind
I find you
Seeking
Opinions
(Secretly
Its my belief
Your
Motive
Is
Ulterior
In order to gauge
Your
Wrong behavior
Acting hurt,
Victimized,
And in that way
Gain favor.
Its
Codependency
Extrinsic
And
Somewhat
Narcissistic)
.........
The severity
Of your
Discrepancies
Dictates the
Intensity
Of your
rampage
And repeatedly askin me
Am i  outa line
Tell me the truth
And so I do.......
You get mad
Say ***** you.
Then in the rare time
Im in need
Or im down
You dont answer the phone
Or come round








I tryed to tell you.....
Dont set your perch so high.
Your response?
I dont need you telling me what to do!
You fell ......... 
You seem surprised.
The question now rises.....
If i ask you to tell me the truth no matter what
Would you ?smile ...
say
Whatever you
Think I would
Want you to say.
In effort to spare my feelings?
harmfully,
Charmingly?
A dashing
Eye contact
Evanescent
The rest of the half second
Digesting my kinematics....
Intentionally
You are about to
Decieve me...
Are you my enemy?
You never rebuke me for anything.
...............
Alarming me......
...............
No you are friendly..........
.    ......
Unfortunately
I guess
what
I desire is
A true ememy.....
One who I can count on
Too tell me
to my face the real things
That hurt.......
One whom will
Not suprise me
The way you do.