I n my future and in
Introspect I can see
A reflection of who I used to be......
What I don't see ?
Is any time,
when I was not pre-occupied....
And in my minds eye,
Gravity Dissipated
Levitating I became elevated
To a golden path of ease
Life was sublime.  
But it's all a lie .........
If you think you can stay that way
Eventually you will be outshined
I have been so
close to both
Fate and destiny
More than one time .......
Controlling the world  .....
Was always easier than controlling me,
A synergistic dream team
Overconfident and blind
Went off the deep end
Convinced I could not mend....
Went to great lengths to justify
Putting aside my pride ...
That's what I told myself....
If anyone ever tells you
that"That" can't be done ......
That's a lie..........
Like would you believe me
If I told you I was a liar?
That's what I thought......
If I could I would say
I am knot .
But I am not

Within us lies.    
A spectrum wich lies.......
Telling us it ok ...
Once in awhile
To bend a little .......
Keep in mind .
It's the mirror who won't look you in the eyes......
Because you sabotage with compromise..........
weaken you ....
Basking in the shade of sorrows
Somehow down in the shadows of tomorrow's.........

Let the tears
Trace scars,
Crystalize and then
Let my bloodshot eyes  
Reveal the pain I've hidden within...
Let my blank stare
Look right through you .......
You can't offer me anything
Anymore ........
You have severed the cord ....
You are nothing but an open door
A vacancy full of everything I don't need.
Be gone.

Of all "that" that you will do ....
Upon any given day ........
Strike the flame .......
Woof the bellows.
  
When the cauldron glows  
cast in your works.      
Vamp off reasons ......
Pour it off into the crucible.......

When it cools
Crack off the dross......
Revealing your true worth.....
Is it enough to by a loaf of bread?
Enough to sustain life .......
Think about future past and present
Anything anyone will remember you for thee generations from now?

Should I fathom so many degrees
In which I can falsely assume responsibility
And be riddled with diverse insecurities?

Of off an wrong angulatities
Pay penance,
Be recompensed
Spend my sentence
In silence ....  
On my knees
Begging you ......
Please don't leave me .....?
Is that what you would have me do.....
For the best part of my life?
Oh please forgive me ..... .
For that can only be done once.....
And then you left me
.............
It takes so long to unbelive
Untruths .
From someone you love so desperately.............
When you can't say anything .......
Then to find
Behind your back .  
They have convinced everyone
It was you commiting all these
Deeds.  
The madness that ensues
Is self destructive insanity......    
You look like a monster ....
You lash out
Sinks the charges deeper....
They finally get caught in the wrong ....and ohhh
Por thing ...
It's cause all the bad things he did to her.      
I don't blame her .  ...
YOU GO GIRL.. .....

One peak .......
Got more than I need ...
The only **** I don't do
Is the **** I don't want to!
What I wanted ,
I fantasized
Visualized.
Magmatism ramped up
It came to me
Attraction .........and it came easy.
Unbalanced ego
Without humility.
Karma's favorite recipe.
I let my confidence off the leash
Felt good ......
Reputation precedes
Let the rumours fly
Mostly good ,
Even the bad
Somehow favoring
and then
Shazam !

Bit by the komodo
Bacterium coursed through my heart into my brain......
I ran .....
Lamed ............
I  ran.......in delirium.......
Sleeping on The mound of dirt
I piled while digging my own grave.....
impacted..
Inflicted,
Infected ,
Delusional,
Same Man
Same me
Noone wants to be alone with me..
Hero 2 zero.........
I haven't changed.      
Well maybe circumstances may have
Allowed some less than orthodox methods
To be.  
But still ............
One day I saw a beautiful woman .
She took a second glance .....
Smiled said hi...........
I blushed ........
Heart rushing .......
I said some funny things .......
She liked
Took me home .........
Did some funny things to me....
Shazam ........
I'm on top again........
Same Man ....
Sam me ?
Sorta.  
I know it's fleeting ,
I know it's an illusion
Wrought from a state of mind .
I know where it will take me
I know
But I act like I don't know...
And secretly I do kind and honerable
Things that no one will know ....
Even if they find out .
I won't be seen by karma as egotistical....
It's shamefull and unacceptable
Tho bear witness of yourself.

Do you lie ,
Awake late at night ,
And exacerbate.?
On future events
Diving in diverse deepths
In relationshipwrecks,
Toxic introspect.....
macerating in
Worst case scenarios?
obsessing on Exaggerated
Outcomes ....
Fill the rig with
Painfull emotions
Bang it straight in neck
Living in the effect of
What you've done.......
These vivid pangs of hurt
Never come to fruition yet you allow them to diminish
Self worth as if they  are a reflection  of you .

Feelings in this sensation
Give you a false feeling this makes you a better person
It cannot ..
You can never convince anyone how you feel .

Only deal in the real
It works out better this way
Trust me!





Keep yourself in check