Youthful.
Gullible.  
Happy just to be ......
Still .....
I knew ...
what or who
I would come to be
And what will I do .....?
Oh so many fellow
Lost during those inquisitionals....
Force to choose without choice ....
Poor souls.    
Still haunted by my voice
For I to withstood  the dismal trials a time or two.  
Undaunted .... I met them head to head ......
With ambivalent ambiguity
And unapologetic apathy......
Untouchable I simply knew ..  
Of what who or do .....
I didn't care .........
I did know where
I not just wanted to be
It was more than the sum of all parts .. .


affinities we find ,
pleasures
Vamped selected from feelings
Treasured memories
We keep for clarity
Condense into themes
Give us justification
For trading our life away.....
And those days when
Do or die you do for too many days psychee in mame and destroy without mercy because
They use me and then push me and then manipulate and humiliate 1509 miles an hour laughing hysterically in a winebego bout to smash hilarileoylusly into fate......
Woe. Woe Woe.......
Before we get that aggressive
We have a collection of these
"Set aside pleasantries"
And awhhhhh drift off into daydreams .... ..
Happy to have these ......they should be
Unfortunately "they "alow you "these "
Because daydreams it would seem are like promises
Remain
....in the state they are created ....
I know I hate it too.
So back to the subject at hand


Do you wanna know where I was  to be .....my will desire ,want ,need ,will, longing yearning...my obsession ....
Prime directive my all my everything my destiny.........
It shall be revealed in part  to
And FYI....
It has not changed
But it has been ........

Night
Alonely ....
Try ...
I'm trying not to be .
Ya between the lines I mean.
In side the black and yellow
By the pail blue moon
I rummage silently
Through this train wreck
Up in the cascades by sorta by Steven's pass. .  .
Little treasures in time
I find ..........
No worth ......except to me
Shouldn't be here. .
........I know ...  
But *** ......nothing else i can.  
Do ...  
WOW  is this what i think it is .....
Someone dropped a syringe..  
It's a metaphor for ...
I'm jaded. ...I done everything
I could do .....  
Except this .....
I mean. .......it's been a hard trek
To get this far down ......
This ...........not gonna lie.......
This is ****.......
I MEAN **** A F.
nervous I don't know what to expect .....
Pushing it in ......  
Kinda like a strong cup of coffee....
Wait....I should mention .....
I'm deranged and strange
Done so many things
Went from legend to insain
Now nothing slakes my thirst ....
So I'm not in my arm ....
I'm just left of my throat....
And I've already drawn back the plunger .... and
Pushing all of it in ......
Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhghhhhgggggg
Good golly miss moly........
I open my eyes and im 5 feet deep in your carpet .
I can't believe I'm here
And this is the highest I've even been .....
Lost and don't want to be found .
Don't nobody say anything.....
Actually go ahead .....
I'm covered in gold .....
I'm a king .....can't feel a thing
I'm so high
I ant never felt like I could feel like this .......I mean
THIS .......
This is like the pinnacle..... .
Higher stronger ........
Untouchable.......
I got you .....
I can't believe that waited this long .......
I had no idea . .......  
Monday,
WORK ......**** .....
it's time .....
I haven't slept yet ......
Saul good ...  
I'm still high .......
Call in sick .....
Then again ......
And..........
Oops ...Friday.......OK
I better atleast go today....
Still ain't slept
End of the day ......
I'm feeling it.....
I need to go home and slee
Nope
.....I'm up in the clouds again ......
I'm never looking back
When it ends i won't shed a tear ...AYEEEEEEEE IM JUST JAZZED ...
TO BE HERE.......
And .......ya ....
I'm still here .......
But BABE .......
WHERE ARE YOU.....
If you don't know . .  
This is a metaphor of my life and the syringe is you .....
You got me higher than I have
Ever even could imagine ...

I'm addicted to you ......
Never considerd.   Not having you.....
I'm lost and scared alone and dope sick for you acting like idk .....like a *****
...*** is wrong with me .I'm not needy !
I'm cool !
Well I used to be ....
Now I  need you ......
And I'm dope sick
I need you ....
BABE?!?!?!?!?!
WHERE ARE YOU
I NEED YOU

Paper cut my eye
Tears and snot. ...
Unshaved face grimaced ,
Contorted, out of sorts .
Not pretty ...I know
Grasping for anything to hold ,
Break the strength
Pressure.....high pressure .....
Teemering inside
High freq tea ***
Spasm....yelp
One release
Then one more
Like a bobble head
No more air
Push
No
Maxed
No more air .
I'm empty .
Floored lungs flat
Stuck like contact cement
I'm buckled .......
Crumpled
Un even .
Ugly .
Nothing ........
Will ..........gone .....
Your gone.......
Will ........I..


Go .......
On


One


No.....


One .....



No




Half......


I'm half



I can't stand ......


I'm torn




Half ......





You........


Left





Gone



No one could replace you.......
You can keep the half
...
I'll give you
This half to .....
Will you .....
Take it please

Take me with you ....
I will go with you and not burden you ......
If you don't......
I won't........
Be OK

With out you.....


Please
....


.i.........

Rouge .....
So low i don't know ,
It's dystopian cold
Icy blue river flows
Maelstrom ******* noises
Caught up in the undertow ....
Easier though I have the strength
But not the will so I let go.......
Inundated and saturated with hate
Soul bruised
infused a delusional contusion
Frozen pushed too deep
I refuse to breath  in . ...
Close my eyes i feel warmth
Open ....... .In front of the salamander,asti spumante
A well made blanket
I'm dry except for the saline stream that goes over my flushed cheek
As I look you in the eyes
Thank you Sara .
You saved my life.  
I want to make you my concord  claufotis ......
If you don't mind.

Your the sunshine after  cold winters rain,
Your the reign that keeps me positive ,
Your the rain that sustains through my drought .
The vicoden when I'm in pain and
You still make me higher than ******
You are my heroine my love and my lady .
My woman my friend ,my desire ,
My want and everything .....
My confidant and my confidence,
My compass .....
My bravery in the face of fear
And I truly love you ...
I'm In the Saraseen !
I'm still so jazzed to be here ...

When have I been where?
Everywhere life has been fair,
Always not at the right time ,
unpredictable I never change ...
I have been a legend .....
In my own mind .......
Domesticatable?
Me?
A definite maybe ......
Everyone love me .....
Accept when I'm me ......
That's not a typo ,
It's a plea ,
Relax be kind ,
Live love and be colorblind ......
Find yourself .....help me
Remove the hate from human kind
Blend ,mend ,transcend the friction
Created by the upper echelon
Who instigate racial miss trust ,
Plus if you're not up to date ,,
Must not have enough to be with me ,
Perpetually desensitized by media
Seduced by advertising that replaces love with lust
Selling us that greed is something we need .
It's too much ...
How can we win ,
This human race
When we fall for this misdirection.
We need to fight ....
You and I .....
Fight for life ..
Back to back ,
Side by side  ...
NOT  face to face .....
When's the last time ,
You breathed deep and smiled
With out being told to ...
This critical mass generating gravity too fast.    
It's up to you,
Be outcast finish last ,
Free at last
with real love
That last

Is it jovial ....
Is it ......
My life
I'm sure a
Point of view
Would undo these  unreal entanglements
My mind falsely ties me into
Laying here in strife and procrastinating
Wishing to find the little triggers
Which trip me down
And
Badger my brain with
Unmerited ratsbane
My obligations askew
Overburdened
Under duress
My fault I guess
Stressed .....
Ist it just me
Not a clue
Diazepam....
Yes please
Overdue .....
Yes please


Better make it two .........


Please and thank you ........


Souls bruised
I get confused in
Correlating rights and responsibilities
Because my insecurities
Undermine my esteem
And even though I know
I go into selflessness
Believing this should be surely a path.... to clemency
No ....
Only closer to mercy .......
Not quite ...
Sitting still silently
Still not moving .
Guilt pilling upon me
Going to get up and be superman again
Hero ......
Yup thatll be me ....
One of these days .
Yup yup
One of these days