Crazy how time flies but the pain never seems to die, crazy lies and bitter cries.  Realize that my baby never really dies. Because it saw the shame in my eyes. Bitter war cries, did the devil make him do it, he wanted to be mine he knows he couldn't. I didn't love him that way, for that I never cared to give him any of my time. He wasn't mine but I was his, run away? Did he feel ashamed? Is that why he wouldn't let me run away? I packed my bags, his fist were raised. In the rage I felt his pain, shoved me hard against the wall. "Are you ******* insane....!!! "He cornered me that's were I remained, don't move I though. Don't ******* breathe, if he don't think your dead. He'll make sure you at least bleed, cry out! Call for help please, he laid me down and said soft and sweet "you'll never have to worry, I'll take care of everything." A cup in one hand my thoughts in the other. I thought is he trying to be the perfect lover. I never wanted him, he was like a big brother, suppost to keep me safe. Made sure no one got in the way, but he wasn't so new to this crucial game. I was the first victim that he kept tamed, kept from escape. Hidden from the light and into the dark I fade. He wanted ***, But I didn't want to be his slave a teenage girl not in my middle age. I wanted to live a normal life. Where in the picture I wasn't just a typical house wife. Get my own ****, I could if I wanted. My body was never something I flaunted, ashamed of it, I was always taunted. Boys were impressed the girls wanted, I was an okay kid not a barbie or polly pocket. With girls my age who had no knowledge. Pretty mature girl, they all thought.  I wouldn't let them in because I fought. I never thought in my life, dealing with ******* I always had to thrive to stay alive. Keep swimming to survive,  I fought all my life. Not to be put down and labeled, just a temporary timeline.

Running all the scenarios in my head. Feels like that love lines dead. Forbidden, unsaid we don't talk about that. ***** secrets, awful lies. They'll all catch up corner you, like a lost child. Beat you with guilt, **** you with honesty. Cry you a river? No no... that's to cliche. To demanding?
To hurtful,  "oh I'm sorry my love."
Forgive and forget, forgive this forget that. Remember this you never missed, not with the kisses but the hits. Bruises of all colors, shapes and sizes. Accident you said "sorry, forgive me." Forget that, try to sing forget the rings. Are they kings? True and honest, I love you not for your wealth. But for your well being. Selfish I thought, now not. A crazy little lady who thought of cute little babies. Went a little crazy her head was hazy, vision was dazy. Her body felt lazy, no not a baby just perfectly crazy.

Some people aren't worth dying for not even crying for empathizing or sympathizing for sometimes they give you trouble you know burst your bubble Hold You Down when you struggle and then after that expect cuddles and snuggles but instead theres fights blood and trouble rethink do a double because at the end of the day it's me they leave in the ruble in a puddle of my own life

It feels smooth like ice
It pours like *****
It smells like metal
It stings like a bee
Only slightly a burn
I want more
I want to feel that empty void
I play with it like a childs toy
It was always my favorite
The metal was always cold
After the mess is made all my pain melts away
My only satisfaction is the dark red that stains the floor
Like blood on a white fresh t-shirt

Who was I to love you.
Who was I to care.
Who was I to help.
Who was I.
Yelling, telling me you love me, with your vicious words.
Snatched me with your anger wrapped around my throat.
I smiled at you, with a broken heart.
I forgave you, with a blind over my eyes.
I kissed you, with fear of my life.
My tears appeared like the cuts on my arm.
They burned with anger,hate,hurt they poured and dripped.
Like the rain when mother nature crys.
For all the beautiful things and life she created
Just for everyone to **** it, she had to watch it all die.

It's always a war as I constantly fight myself. I'm trapped and I don't know how to get out. I'm lost and I can't find my way. I'm a unwanted stray with no owner, no tag and no name. As unwanted as a uninvited guest. But you brought me home, you loved me.
You hurt me, you killed me. You gave me everything you promised you'd never be. Thanking you for being another perfectly dressed lie.

Hey, strange girl with the colored hair.
Hey, strange girl with the piercings.
Hey, strange girl why so quiet.
Why so cold.
Why so dark.
Why does it seem like every time you talk you fall apart.