Dear T,

If I can be honest,
Im lost without you,
Or maybe I'm just lost.
I was someone else
When we first started dating
And you were someone else too.
I loved changing alongside you.

If I can be honest,
It scared me at the end.
I didn't feel like myself
And I wasn't sure who I was,
Now I'm different, yet the same.
In college, its normal, to become something new
I loved creating something new with you

And if I can be honest,
I miss you with all my heart
It makes my chest swell with regret,
And my mind swirl in disappointment.
I want to be proud of who I am,
Of the things I do.
I loved being proud of you.

I don't know if I can be honest.
I lie to myself.
I try to be good and I try to be me,
But those **** philosophers
Make me believe,
I don't know what good is and I don't know who I am,
But honestly, if we're talking of honesty
Then truly I know only one truth.
Honestly, truthfully, T,

I love you.

Always,
C

I will  · ·
Try constantly to make · – · ·
Harmonies, tapestries, poetry – – –
That praise your radiance · · · –
with ·
messages so carefully invisible – · – –
Concealing beautiful testaments – – –
To you— Encoded · · –

I can’t write about it.
I can barely think
about that day on the bridge.

But thank you—
for letting me hug your dog.

You didn’t owe me kindness,
but you were still kind.

Today
With friends
We wandered up
A steep cobbled road
That was canopied by trees.
We happened to a wooded park
Where poetry was pressed into the stones.
You would have loved it there, and noticed
How the world was speaking with you.
Noticed through the air that those
Flowers my friends had
Called lavender, were
Just rosemary,
blooming.

You and nature get along well,
Blue skies, brown eyes, green thumb.
Have you seen the spirits lately,
Does the river ever ask about me?

Look outside this spring,
See sunlight shine away the winter,
After endless rain,
Dark soil calling new growth.

And if it feels like nature to you as well, lets
Reduce our distance, plant roots again,
Reuse our same old jokes, repeat our favorite dates,
Recycle all this love we have, it can be new and feel the same.

☐ Learn to play an instrument
☑ See the pyramids
☐ See the northern lights
☑ Have my first kiss
☑ Graduate High School
☐ Ride in a hot air balloon
☑ Fall in love
☑ Nap together
☑ Cook dinner together
☑ Try shrooms
☐ Make him breakfast in bed
☑ Build a snowman
☐ Couples dancing lessons
☑ Go camping together
☐ Make love in a blanket fort
☐ Go backpacking together
☑ Celebrate an Anniversary
☐ Kiss in the rain
☑ Watch a meteor shower together
☐ Take a spontaneous road trip together
☒ Make it work
☐ Have a new year’s kiss
☐ Earn his forgiveness
☐ Start a garden
☐ Raise a dog
☐ Raise a cat
☐ Share a house
☐ Make a home
☐ Plant a tree
☐ Get married
☐ Build a bookshelf by hand
☐ Slow dance in the kitchen
☐ Write a book
☐ Be a family
☑ Choose him again
☑ and again
☐ Be chosen back