Come to me gentle hands
smile and sprinkle laughter over me
I need soulful remedies
smooth me

I came here for me
and I came this way for you
that was all

for the things that have the greatest meaning
take the biggest leaps of courage

All the frogs leap
all the walls feel like today
all words are near approximations
to what you can only point at

We can love people that do not love themselves
and we see the mirror
I did not love myself

If I did why would accept that sorrow
do I not know avoidable sorrow is not okay

did I feel okay with countless suffering
why, how did I absorb this behavior
was it in the way my father drank away his sorrow
was it in the tv programs that said I had to always be a good girl and be sweet even if it cost me my own well being

Where ? Was it from my mother who thought it was best to raise her kids with a man she did not love anymore because that is “stable”
they were never stable
two separate stable ones would of been better

was it them or the world
who knows
but I wept because I did not love myself
because I was not taught
the relationships around me did not show me this and so I lacked it

you walk
no matter the direction
this dream
      never changes much
they put their foreheads
to yours And smile

in some they are wolves
that sleep at your side

in others travelers
that gather
with you in the forest

in others they
   point toward a tiger
lurking in your chest

you walk
        and they protect
nothing is wild

        (not even a dream)

When I smile there are beautiful lines under my eyes
and I do not want to hide them

I bear with great joy this life of mine

Sometimes I press my hand to my chest when this feeling comes and I close my eyes
who is it?
who calls me at this time
sometimes it is my mother or my brother
sometimes my childhood friends
sometimes it feels like an older brown eyed man
each of them different strings
but when I concentrate I can work my way back to the source
I don’t know how but I don’t need to know

If you need strength take mine
and if you need heart
borrow some of mine
you will be alright

I have started replicating old Korean paintings of desks
I look at each line so precise but different from the others; each has got its own charm

Today I must go in deeper for shelter
I have no option but to furrow and dive
into my own skin
Today I must go within

It is just that I want to continue to grow
throughout the entirety of my life even when it hard
it just that I don’t want to abandon myself
or stand in my own way
I just want to try consistently until I leave this form
I just just want be truer to myself and love deeply this precious, precious life
I would never jump ship I am committed in the small things which are truly the core of all of me

You tug at me
and I want to close my eyes
and tug back

For all my lives lived and lost
I cry for none of them

for now in understand
What a gift this mystery is

for all my lives lived
I am thankful for each of them

nurturing blossom
cold winter hails dreary days
may I take heart
in the spirit of your
nature
find it on my silent walks
may I not freeze as the world around me does so
keep warm in your hope
keep me close to you, I need your  stem to lean on

You come like a warm breeze
on the shortest month
and if I could pick a birthday gift
it would of never amounted to anything as precious as your forgiveness
what you give could never be bought
and I am aware of that

A turtle dove brings its wings into its sides and dips
beginning it’s a descent into the air below it

like a seasoned diver with great confidence
gliding through the blue

Maybe for some people love quantified by the things your give them or the physical proximity of you to them, what will they do once you die ? Will they think you have stopped loving them?  

Can they feel the world? The way in which birds feel the air currents while defying gravitational law

Are they aware that nothing truly dies?

I seek peace and reconciliation
everything else:
the silence
the arguing
the finger pointing
the largest vine extending from the past to a future I project I cut

Pruning this life from all stories, no past, no future only this spacious garden of presence that I hold it all

Elizabeth Fraser sings me angelic tunes through the speaker and I become a circling girl.

Grace has got us in its hands there is no need to fret or be afraid
its palms surround us

I want silence.
I want the sounds of the wind and the leaves to be the only music I hear. I want my friends’ voices to be the light posts I stand under.

I want like all summer wishes to turn into Fall. A deciduous.

Today while riding the subway cart I thought “I am scared to open my heart to him again”
and then I thought “maybe he is too”
but I don’t want to be scared

So I start slow, one small step at a time
that way I will not rush or misunderstand

Thank you for loving me even if you never kissed me
thank you for existing even if it is not here next to me
Thank you, and I wish you well
I wish you comfort and a full heart
I wish you love and I wish you great joy

You are as bright as any star and in my eyes your, you have still got so much left to give the world and I hope you never forget, even when the going gets tough

I feel you at the oddest times.
how could it be ?
Is it even you ?

I do not want to keep crossing lines people draw for me

So when my stupid heart want to run passed the painted line I now pull it back

I am not in-charge of redrawing that line
someone else is , the person who put it there is in charge of that

so I hold it, I hold this wild heart and comfort it
at least I am strong to comfort it now

and yes some part of me really wants to be there but there is that line

and I sink back down a little
and sink because I just don’t want to cross anything anymore
I want to feel to roam in someone’s garden
when I am invited
I do not want to invite myself when no one else has

You are not an object to hold onto you
you are living breathing being
you are not at fault for anything
I understand the way life flows
it seeks constant renewal
it is in constant change

I will pick up the whispers over the dry patches of land amongst the chaparral

the womxn who births over the earth in a dense city bears the name of “mother” when I call out

The long fabric roll unfolds her story and the those of the ones she calls “brother” and “nana”. Crafty hands and animal loving eyes set to see the sunrise over the North American sky reflect its light over the railroad fabric and back into my eyes

I pick up the radio waves, the ones my cousins, my friends, my sibling and my grandparents heard as they serenaded each other or played music in the living room . It was always static I could never make it out. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz

A static buzz was all I could hear for a very long time.

Then the two bars of 8 beats for salsa; the 4/4 ballads I always giggled and stumbled my way through at parties when the old folks got up to dance, and I would grab my one of my best friends and give it a go

the endless ways in which I was taught to feel the world around me, to weave myself into the music, into words, into this earth and into light begins to carry me through hard seasons,
and I understand now if life is meaningless, If I am only an irrelevant speck in this cosmic ocean the best “****  you” the ultimate undoing of this
is to live a life of meaning, and burn bright and authentically until there is nothing left and this existence is enough

(in truth it has always been enough)

Soy poeta disfrazada con una arcoíris
soy energía colorida
riza contagiosa
y amó los sonidos raros
y beso a la música alta por traerme placer

The part of me that loves,
still loves maybe eternally
I do not argue with it

I argue with the part of me that wants to hold–the one that isn’t love
the one that perhaps wants possession, fears change, or both

I kindly tell it “ they are well taken care of, we can go live your lifetime somewhere else” but still it furrows its brow

And I understand this part of me is hurt and I look at it with eyes of love because that’s the only way it will heal
and I kiss this weepy girl :)

I surrender to the peace of love
no control
no need to change things
no need to be fearful

only the need to learn how to love more deeply

The things that are for us calls us silently, and never leave us
When the frenzy of the mind is quiet they emerge
those are the things meant for us to reach towards

I gave it all I could muster with all my strength I dared
will all the might I could call upon I came
with all reserves of courage
with everything I am
with no tear withheld with shakey hands
but I came

I chose peace.

I came early in the morning.


They were preparing. Hands over squares of egg sheets being cut into long rectangular shapes in anticipation of the orders that some might make later that day. The woman cutting the yellow sheets sang and bickered with the rest. Age does not steal one’s fire or ; they laughed together(not does it steal ones smile)

I waiting patiently for my food watching diligence

Quiero leer la literatura de la onda
quiero asomarme en otro mundo

The evening prepares to fully gulp
the sun, the car engines zoom contorting the sound scape and twisting gravel into their menacing rubber wheels

I just want to be in the vicinity of you.

Lounge like a lizard around you taking in the sun.

It is the cool basin of her skin I curl up to i press against my calmest self
and savor the fresh invitation within my own hands

I empty my pencil case over the wooden surface of my table it is time to pour out all the colors and use them to scribble
to jot down and dream something lovelier

It was so hard to get here
so many months
so many obstacles
I fought so hard, dug my nails deep into
perseverance
that now, I do not know how to feel
I just know that for tonight
I must close my eyes, rest my body
and sleep

I see clearly
who I am in the mirror
where I excel and what I lack
I writhed and I cried
and burned
and ran like a wolf alone in the forest
awoke next to a lake
fur still damp
but to the water I turned my gaze
and I could finally recognize who I was

humbled by the moon and its giving light
I stood there shivering and out of my mouth spilled the courage to howl

and the wind accepted my offering and carried it off

This is where I start
I see my humaneness,
my everythingness, my interbeing
and so I your blurry figure comes into focus
and you are just another human

the kind who stand in front mirrors
writhe, cry, burn,are reborn and
run like a wolf
until you howl out too
to the greater in humbleness





I am back to my being
and you can call me by my real name
the one we share

Sometimes I think of the weight I carry
and then I think about your weight
and I decide to stay silent and send you all the love I have quietly
without a hint
without words
without notice

I am inviting all the beautiful
I am inviting all love and serenity
I am inviting hope to walk alongside me
I am inviting unmeasurable light to guide
I am inviting that which brings me true joy

“May the light of hope never extinguish” she sent me this and countless other messages right up until two weeks ago. Busy, “ she must be busy” I thought. My first response is always to assume the best.


Her loving arms, that stretched far to hold me with so much warmth. From child to adolescent to adult. I thank her and I grieve her
and I sit
and love her
and I thank her eternally
for helping me see the gentleness that life can always offer
and I grieve our loss
and I love her
and I see her in part of everything I have become

my round full cheeks have given way
to hollows that reveal my grandmother’s cheekbones

my hair curls and no longer waves
to hint at my fathers curls

And in my coastal home town  the sun has consistently appeared through every season bringing back a slight clustering of freckles over the bridge of my nose with an array of recent sun spots over my upper lip and at my temples

My left wisdom tooth against all odds decided to exit in my thirties and push my teeth forward; I have a different smile now

while a new circular mole has appeared under my right eye. naturally I begin to look like someone different. Don’t know if  my body is a new temple breaking from the past or if it’s honoring it by stitching me closer to those that came before

I am Jane loving Austen
Purring with her own happiness in there solidarity home

I am flower moving in the wind
feeling it’s conjures that life is indeed cyclical and you should sway to its wind

I am eternally in awe with the power of the human spirit. How is rises each and everyday. How there is nothing it cannot overcome.

I am happy to be who I am
every single sorrowful thing, and every small glorious moment swirls in communion

I am happy
just happy

Today I changed my agreement with the world
and I am willing to become what I want to see more of
I am willing to not just to fly low, but soar
I am noting afraid of not landing over land
I am strong enough to land
I am wise enough to know I am not the flying, the altitude or in any way extraordinary  
I know I am ordinary
and I know deep down who I really am
and so we begin arms open

I halt my jogging to stare at the moon

I forget the moon is a floating rock  is suspended in space
how marvelous everytime I remember

They come to the cemetery bring their chairs, the rose crowns and the whimsical  smiles  
five years have quickly  passed indeed gutting the closeness of skin
and deep stitching  the ones their cloth to the cloth she was buried within
death does not separate it brings  together
they are woven now with the same thread