She sits in a wooden chair in the study of her grandfathers master bedroom. Even at 19 her feet barely touch the emerald green carpet. She has always been small. Her growth halted at 12, reaching her final height by 7th grade. She curls her toes into the carpet. It feels soiled and stiff from dog *****. A testament to her grandpa not moving well enough to take the dog out. His room is the only room with a carpet because of this fact.

The house is quite. Everyone else went out to dinner, probably happier that she stayed home. Her defeated posture speaks volumes. She stares at little specks of dust dancing around on unseen currents but not really seeing anything. Her mind used to be her safe place but even that has turned against her.

"Why do you act like such a baby?" reverberates like a ripple through her. Words spoken at another time but still holding space within her, trapped in her cells. She sighs heavily. She knows the chorus is about to begin. Once it starts it builds on itself, trying to overtake her very essence.

"Why can't you be more like your sisters?" "We are all tired of seeing your sad face. If you can't smile and be happy then stay in your room." The momentum builds, the words begin to crescendo, joined by scoffs, eye rolls, and sighs that always make her feel like she is impossible to love.

With each sigh her stature shrinks, slowly pulling herself inward. Tears form and want to fall but she refuses. She has already cried too many. Crying is associated as weakness and for as sad as she is, she is just as determined. These two emotions she knows well. Over the last 7 years they have slowly coalesced into anger.

Anger and pain her constant companions. She is too young to understand why the anger has taken root and yet clings to it and wears it as a shield. It protects her but also does not allow the ghosts of the chorus out. She has often thought about suicide but her determined nature will not allow others to win.  And so she sits in a nesting doll of invisible cages that she feels but cannot see.

She is startled by voices. Her family returning, filling the house with chatter and laughter, and once again she disappears.

There are times when sadness is triggered.  A conduit of tears through a heart that understands. My tears are like prince rupert drops. I can cry them without breaking. Standing witness to the sadness and filtering through love.

I awake to a hand that's not mine. With each revolution my innocence buried deeper. My universe rips like a piece of paper until it's a storm of confetti secrets raining down on the grave of my hijacked childhood. Dug by the alcohol stained air whispering my name like a scratched record. I play dead.

As we grow, we expand and as we expand, we grow. Likewise our consciousness. Four years of expansion in a single night is dizzying. The force pinning me to an uncertain reality that feels softer, smoother. Spinning by in periphery and yet perfectly still dead center. Time stops and I watch. This moment contains all moments.

From the perspective of the tree we are but a quick blip in their time. A generation appearing as that of a fly. Around for a minuscule amount of time like the house fly to us.

The Lion

She eats the men lured to her lair and sends the bones to Hades. In the dark I pounce back and wrap my hands about her throat, white knuckled grasp until the last gasp of life leaves her like a candle blown out.  I skin her with her own claw. Her fur now mine.

The Hydra

Golden sword, face wrapped with cloth. A beast raised just for my demise. One immortal head among many, like a house of mirrors. Chop one head and two return. Seemed impossible until my blade covered in poisonous blood scorches the stumps of decapitation. Two new constellations branded in the sky as proof of my deeds.

The Hind

Faster than an arrow in flight, the sacred animal was just out of reach. I pursued on foot for over a year, through four different kingdoms. I trapped it while it slept allowing me to capture it without desecration. The King demanded to keep it. Slow kingly hands enabled it's freedom, once again bounding away.

The Boar

Commanded to catch the beast alive I sought advice from Centaurs. They told me how then got very drunk and attacked me. They can't handle their wine. I shot them with arrows covered in poison from the Hydra. The boar was easier. Drove him into thick snow and delivered him to the cowering King Eurystheus.

The Stables

King Augeas wanted to humiliate me and so tasked me with cleaning out his stables. Immortal animals make an enormous quantity of dung by the way.  They had not been cleaned for 30 years and housed 1,000 cattle so I re-routed the rivers Alpheus and Peneus to wash out the filth.  They cried party foul.

The Birds

Ares, the God of war had sacred man eating birds with beaks of bronze and metallic feathers that they could launch like darts at their victims. Did I forget to mention highly toxic dung? A simple rattle scared them to flight and I easily dispatched them with more arrows. Didn't even break a sweat.

The Bull

I was Beseeched by King Minos to sail to Crete and catch a bull of ill repute that has been causing havoc in the orchards. I snuk up behind the beast and throttled it with my hands, stopping before it was killed and then shipped it back to Tiryns to be sacrificed later to Athena.

The Mares

I have been sent to steal the mares Podargos, Lampon, Xanthos, and Deinos, who are raised on a very unnatural diet of human flesh, fed to them by their owner. They are madness itself. He pursued me, we fought, I won. After getting the mares corralled I fed them their owner which permanently calmed them.

The Belt

Admete wants the Queen of the Amazons belt. I have been ordered to retrieve it. Hera however had other plans, disguising herself and walking among the Amazons she began sowing seeds of distrust. One giant misunderstanding later left the Queen slain by my hand. Should never have happened, but I did get the belt. sigh

The Cattle

A golden chariot carried me to the cattle who were guarded by Geryon. He charged me carrying three shields, three spears, and wearing three helmets. My arrow pierced his forehead and bent his neck over to one side, like a poppy that spoils its delicate shapes, shedding its petals all at once. Cattle successfully retrieved.

The Apples

Caught shape shifting sea God to find the Garden. Agreed to hold the Heavens for Atlas while he got me the apples. He wouldn't take the heavens back so I asked him to temporarily relieve me to adjust my cloak. Atlas agreed and resumed holding up the heavens. I reneged, walked away with the apples.

Cerberus

Struck deal with Hades. I could take Cerberus to the surface if I didn't use any weapons. Used my hands. Eurystheus was terrified of him, begged me to take him back to the underworld offering to release me from any further labours. I am now free from the king. Think I'll ride with the Argonauts.

There once was a man
who collected rocks.
He was five-foot two
and his name was Brock.

One day out walking
while making his rounds
he noticed a rock
that weighed 60 lbs.

It was shaped like a fish
and quite a bit shiny
with one ruby eye
that wasn't so tiny.

He wanted it badly
so badly you see
he shouted quite loudly
and made this decree

“That rock is now mine
I'll carry it home
and place it just so
in my rocky biome.”

He was doing quite well
just after the start
but the longer he walked
put strain on his heart.

He needed to rest
so he sat for awhile
wondering if he'd
survive this strange trial.

He sat and he pondered
these fateful things
when suddenly he saw
something with wings

It circled above
releasing a scream
eyes honed on him
Oh! How they gleamed.

Before he could get up
the hawk swooped on by
and pecked poor Brock
right in the eye.

Brock dropped the rock
with a loud scream
then cursed the hawk
and its dastardly scheme

The hawk took the rock
and flew away fast
He had to act now
or the moment would pass.

Brock sprang to action
began hunting it down
running all over
the streets in this town.

Holding his eye
clutching his heart
he finally stopped
thinking the hawk was too smart

He was wrong
as he turned back around
and saw the rock
lying there on the ground

Brock ran over
to go pick it up
but at the last moment
It was crushed by a truck

He looked at the pieces
with a big frown
and three minutes later
he was also run down

Honesty is a very hard thing to look at
Most people think they will burn
In the intensity of the light it casts
I promise it’s a cleansing fire
A rebirth

You are my creation of sensation
The expanse of chance
Filled with tippy-toed steps
A freelance dance

You are my raw and my awe
Felt in my hips, seen on my lips
In every smile, soul style
From within, to all my tips

You are my chasm and my ‘gasm’
Immense and intense
Peaks blush like cheeks
In breathless suspense

You are my breath and my death
Ablaze in every gaze
Born anew in the prize of your eyes
Through every phase

You are my grip and my grit
Primal moans rattle bones
Running wild and beguiled
Across erogenous zones

You are my fire and desire
A ******* liberation
Exhaling and inhaling
Combined Resuscitation

We are enhancement and enchantment
Dispersed and immersed
For all to see, wild and free
Throughout the universe

What you see is only what you believe

When I trip
I feel like I’m falling
Up into the sky
When I leap
I feel like I’m stuck
Down in the ground

In every present
There is a future
In every future
There is a present

His name is Future
Her name is Present
She is a gift
He will always hold

I don’t know why you own guns
You won’t even **** a cockroach
Let alone a deer.

The finest silk, I’ll wrap you in
As soft as charmeuse or a baby’s skin
A cozy morsel you will be
Waiting on my web for me

I don’t write
I weave with words
Until they read
Like spells of magic

People don't commit suicide
Because they want to die.
They just don't want to live.

People who are depressed don't disappear
Because they want to be lost.
They just want to be found.

I live to dream
To be spirited away
Every night a new delight
Made and unmade
Infinitely creating
My birthright of light

Let your thoughtforms be of love
Take care of their birth
Send them with compassion
Set them to tasks that help heal
Do not ask for things
But give thanks with love
Always love

I write
To romance
Myself

I’ve said it before
I’ll say it again
My label does not read
Fragile handle with care
It simply reads
Bravery require
To see what’s inside

I double dog dare you

Those things
You think
Are your weaknesses
Are really
Your greatest strengths

You just haven’t been taught
To see them properly
Because you
Are to busy
Feeling them

Every thought your mind has
That your heart believes is true
Is a self fulfilling prophecy

Your lips, two neutron stars
Colliding bliss

My life, your effigy
For just one kiss

Life isn’t about what you’ve done in the past.
It’s about what you are doing now.

I am the tears
That fall from your eyes
I am years
That have said hello and goodbye
I am the silence
Between the breaths
I am the alliance
Between life and death

Let YOUR heart be the commitment
Your actions speak the truth of

“Don’t move”
His soft volume and
Warmly firm yet
Soft, playful tone
Ignited the monster
In her bones

Yes sir...
I’ll even hold my breath

I bid you farewell
Twenty seventeen
For all that you were
And all I have seen

For miles of trials
The tears and the smiles
Shredding piles of files
No longer worthwhile

The joy and the pain
The loss and the gains
Sustain and retain
The truly arcane

Without delay
Clearing away
All the decay
Blocking doorways

For all I could do
In your hullabaloo
To learn how to imbue
My impending breakthrough

I am an ****** of light

Your lips
My gravity
A wellspring
Forever drawing
Me nearer to thee
Time slowing
With every fraction
Of distance closer
Pulling, swirling
Woven like magic
Whispered through
Every cell
Mesmerized
By the vortex
Of you

With tender gentleness
And strength in your heart
You hold me in a trembling place
Where I can fall apart

By not changing and adapting
You force others to make a change
You may not like

I adore you with ardor

I long to dance
In the rhythm of
Your breath

The true test of humanity
Is how humane we treat each other

Human soul and free will
Are not materialistic methods but
Metaphysical qualities of consciousness

Two nimble messengers
Clasped in your lap
Laying there still
Like a Venus flytrap

I gaze from my perch
Up near the ceiling
Watching and wondering
What they are feeling

Will they be cruel
Will they be kind
You give naught away
Show not your mind

Destruction or birth
It’s not up to you
It’s your prey that decides
What they will do

Everything in life
Is exactly this way
An invisible dance
Of unspoken parlay

The darkness in you is the same within me. I deny mine and call it by other names but the depth of the depravity all remains the same. So eager to cover and ignore the parts of me that shriek, only to leave me contorted and weak for denying such things. Preferring the illusion of strength when really, it is what is meek. I am not as brave to shine that light upon that grave. The one I keep stomping on to keep from the day. Your release is sweet victory. Coaxing out all the doubts and fears I’m too afraid to face alone, reverberating off the pile of my bones. The echo of your words soothe the lies I lead. All the while I’m caged pretending to be free

©odiouswench

I want to bathe you
In my surrender

That block of ice
Is quite the vice
Seated in you whiskey

All nice and cold
Strong and bold
But also rather risky

So my dear
Bring it here
I’m feeling rather frisky

Slide it down
All my mounds
Your tongue to follow briskly

There is no such thing as perfection
There is only a perfect for me and
That perfect is beautifully flawed.

Our thought processes have become
As automated as the technology we consume

How many words
In how many ways
Must I let slip from my mouth
And continually say

I am here, look at me

I may not be the best friend
My presence is seasonal
I skinny dip in chaos time and time again
Coming out stronger. Sharper.
Tempered by my own humility

I may not be the best friend
I forget to call and check in
Knowing you’ll find me when you need me
For my hearts radar is always pinging
With possibility of real connection

I may not be the best friend
Social cues go largely unnoticed
Preferring my sidewise reality
To the ingrained cattle calls of
Lemmings marching ever on

I may not be the best friend
For shallow waters and empty hearts
Hiding behind strangling walls
You feel are your protection
Keeping you in, and life out

I may not be the best friend
For my warning label does not read
Fragile! Handle with care.
It simply declares in red bold letters
‘Bravery Required’

Entwined around you
This is when you put me against the wall,
as if I'm a painting you've been dying to display

Smiles
Escape lips
Like found treasure
Igniting every dormant molecule
Warmth

His
Smile escaped
Engulfing my reality
Suspended in gravitational timelessness
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