I love being in your lap
And feeling you rise
to my occasion

He writes so fervently
Words and letters
Chimes and rhymes
A madness escaping through the pen
Cascading thoughts and paper
Burying him alive

Magic
Is
Believing

Nothing more
Nothing less
And everything in between

Just because something is true for me
Does not make it true for anyone else

I am not the possible thing

I’m the impossible thing

I do hereby slalomly promise
to always tell the truth
at break next speeds
no matter the curves I’m thrown

There’s this slow desperation
A thirst
This ******* need
to have you on me
In me
My body like rolling waves
Under your hands
Guiding them like driftwood
To my shore

I stand
As you dance around me
In circles
Snickering
“You think you can hurt me?”
I stand
“Is that your little fist balled up?”
I stand
20 minutes
You dance
And taunt
“Go on! What cha going to do?”
I snap
My hand leaves my side
Open palm finds your cheek
The ***** slap heard around the world
Echos
As I sail backwards
In to the wall
This is not the end of me
The is a beginning

So I wake up and as I'm stretching I notice in the mirror that my underwear matches my shirt.
Then I burst out laughing because I hear in my head "WOW you weren't even trying” and “Look they actually match! How did that happen?! That almost never happens" and knew today was a win before it even really started.

Come in I say
Then sway away
With a knowing smile
Won’t you stay
So we can play
I’ll make it worth your while
“A drink perhaps?”
Just thought I’d ask
For parched you soon might be
Liquor your thing?
Full frontal swing?
Feeling a little thirsty?
Or if instead
You want some head
A beer is more your pace
But If you prefer
Not saying a word
Then drink me in their place

To be continued. . .

Would you like to see?
A little more of me?
Perhaps just a sliver,
a warm spreading shiver?
A morsel, a crumb,
to be under your thumb.
But not just yet,
horse before the cart,
stay over there and
let the games start,
of who can stay in
their own chosen chair
but I’ll warn you right now
I never play fair

I want you to watch as I surrender to myself. A preview of what it’s like to romp on my playground. And once I’ve washed upon my own shore I’ll turn right around and start crawling toward yours.
Slinking while sinking my teeth on my lip Savoring the ways I’ll nibble your tips

I feel your gaze on me
like a swinging watch

I like the strain of the choke
the leash on desire creates

Star bright, starlight
On this long drawl summer night
Wish I may, wish I might
Fill my arms with you tonight

The inside of my wrist
Delicately grazing
The hard spine
of your mountain

                      -tantalize

Ease on
Down the road
With some ***** and some funk
And a whole lotta' soul

True love is a tweasure
A chocolate covered walnut miracle
of as you wish

I have handled pieces and fragments
of my fiancé’s skull as I plucked
them from my driveway and tucked
them in the bushes, put to rest

I have scrubbed the last ****** gurgles
Of stomach bile from the room
That your father died in, and the linens
That comforted and held him as he went

I have cleaned elderly poopie trails
Off the polished wood floors
As they wind their way to the bathroom
Where gramps is stuck on the floor, again

Is it too much to ask
For a little help with
the ******* dishes?

Free thinker
Soul winker
Reality tinker

I love
that you
will willing
sweat
Just to see
me in
something
less

Now
Square one
Only ever you
The beginning and end
Source

Bury
me deep
Water me well
Watch me break through
Growth

Glass heart of nine lives
Voice bombs fall shattering eight
One red heartbeat left

If words were hands
I would tattoo your every syllable
On my skin in Braille
Until every inch is covered
And touched only by you

If I had a photographic memory
I would join the likes of Zoltar and Zaltana

For a quarter
I would dispense a memory
As a Polaroid poem
Developed in my saliva
Then passed through my lips
To foretell your future
And reveal your secrets

Pocket lint was magic dust masquerading
2. If I kicked a rock down the street I would have to move it back otherwise it had no way to return to his friends
3. Music made storms go away
4. Bugs couldn't climb furniture
5. The next door neighbors back 40 held a secret gateway to other dimensions
6. Your belly button was how your legs stayed on
7. Moving clouds is what made wind
8. Stars were just holes that the light of heaven shone through

With the respect and ardor one has when handling any wild thing
2. Understand I will make mistakes for my own sensitivities fail to ever reach as high as my bravery. Everything I do, I do it with gusto, full on, all on, even my mistakes
3. Find ways to play, be it through sarcasm, games, adventure, water gun fights, jump scares, humor, wonder, competition, etc...
4. Share space with me don't own it
5. Be unapologetically honest about your feelings. Never assume I know exactly what you mean
6. Must love being outdoors
7. Keep me supplied in mood lighting such as string lights and candles
8. Tell me at least one genuinely nice thing a month to remember during those times when I'm not very fond of myself
9. Remind yourself that no matter all else I actively choose you every day. Not out of obligation, loneliness, or fear but because I believe in you
10. You're awesome because of your awesome

Stupid human
So easy to light
Flambé style
Clinging to
Pinocchio illusions
Unaware that it’s kindling
To your pheonix rising
Or your slow roasted spit
And oh how you like to turn

If my ears had tastebuds
“I hate you” would taste like
Regurgitated ice-cream
Now frothy and foamy with stomach acid

If my ears had tastebuds
“I love you” would taste like
Spicy chocolate covered *** berries

If ears had tastebuds
“I miss you” would taste like
The dissolving inside of merengue cookies

If my ears had tastebuds
Laughter would rise and pop like
Effervescent bubbles of celebration

If my ears had tastebuds
I would never be able to use a pillow again

If my ears had tastebuds
They are probably tired of
The constant metallic taste that appeared
The day the giant post obliterated their friends

Why doesn’t anyone ever wonder
Why we look exactly like our livestock
Inflated with wood pulp and pesticides
And too top heavy for our legs

The beauty of another human soul is when
you meet someone who is open to themselves.
You get to stretch to the edges and find new discoveries
There is always progress and growth
As much as there is acceptance for yourself

The world through Y O U

Only Y O U decide Y O U R beliefs
Only Y O U decided YOUR actions
Only Y O U decided YOUR feelings
Only Y O U decided YOUR everything

It's A L W A Y S up to only  Y O U

Sometimes I wonder if my disease
Is just because my soul is too big
For this body

To be human and have life
Meant in order to play fair and equally
I had to be hobbled

Some days I don’t want to crawl out the tub
Just be in the water and feel it’s warm hug
Every spasm and pinch felt to my core
If only I could get up off of this floor
I clench and I muster to get in to the bath
Sliding in to peaceful moments at last
For instance today the waters real hot
I’ve settled right in the perfect spot
And let my whole body relax into breath
While trying not to think of my death
Or all of the ways I’d like to cut out this pain
There’s no one to fault, no one to blame
It is what it is nothing more, nothing less
A creeping and crawling under my flesh

There’s a wasp in the house
He snuck right on in
But I’m all alone
Wearing nothing but skin
Buzzing and humming
He moves lightning fast
He’s angry I’m sure
No need to ask
He needs to be caught
Or if not, then swatted
I wish I had foresight
Enough to have plotted
An action and course
For exactly this thing
But it did not occur
To me this morning
Now I know you might say
What about me
But you see that just simply
Won’t, and can’t be
For I’m hunkered On down
In the closet all snug
There is no way in hell
I’ll go near that **** bug
So here I will stay
With clothes all rolled up
Wedged in the crack
So the wasp can’t checkup
I gather reserves
Of brave that I’ve stashed
And face this mean wasp
No longer abashed
I gave him a stern talking
Told him what’s up
then demanded he crawl
In to my tea cup
Walked back to the door
And hear a loud “hey kid”
Then slowly it dawned
That I am still naked
I held my head high
As my skin flushed
A wasp in a teacup
A lady in the buff
I released him unharmed
Still on my task
Then turned right around
And smacked my own ***
To all of the neighbors
Staring at me
I ended with the most
Proper curtsy

I should start carrying fruit in my purse
First I should get a purse
After putting in string lights and wine
I need to add fruit
So anytime I feel like I’m going to
Put my foot in my mouth
I’ll eat the fruit instead
Giving me time to ruminate
While I masticate
Silencing my tongues need
To move without thought

You want to burn bright
For all to see
Then lean right on in
And listen to me
For I’ll stoke and I’ll poke
I’ll dart all about
I’ll inspire desire
Make it come out
I’ll breathe guided breaths
All over your flame
Then all will know
You’re a flame they can’t tame

Primal isn’t *******
for ******* sake
Primal is when
it’s stops being about
what’s right in front of you
and getting lost
in the devourment of pleasure

I want to know
what “good morning”
tastes like on your lips

I am not a kneeler
I’m a wild thing, a wildling
Connected to the organic
Living in the pulse

The rough, raw, passion
Is just your wild calling

A howl for the moon
A rear end shimmy for the pounce
Surrender to your wild
At least just an ounce

Romance for me is about moments of connection
to feel something larger than myself
To witness the cosmos in and from the eyes of another
To be vulnerable, raw, wild, honest, open, books of discovery
Moments that make me feel deep and lush
Hypnotic. A whispered word. A brush of skin. Shared desires.
Late nights. Moon light. Inside jokes. Thoughtful words.
Laughter. Fireworks. Fireflies. Campfires. Rainy days in.
Pillow fights. Pranks. Trust. Live music. Cold beer.
Carnivals. Confidence. Honesty. Legos. Little round ice cubes.
Sledding. Gingersnaps. Aggressive Sports. Motorcycles.
Clean lines. The horizon. Walks. Avocados. Wine. Bare feet.
Morbidity. Sarcasm. Wit. Presence. Midnight. Open arms.
Yellow Curry. Coloring. Puzzles. Abandoned Places.
White chocolate. Fruit jellies from Germany. Motown. Violins.
Art Nouveau. Intimacy. Decorum. Curiosity. Metallurgy.
Alchemy. A well told story. Absurdity. Whimsy. Shade. Shadows.
Things that are slightly off. Heavy blankets. Bubbles. Silhouettes.
Glitter. Smirks. Poise. Grace. The melody in a laugh.
The blush of cheeks. The thought in a touch. Poise. Grace.
Night time insect and frog lullabies. Autumn Forests.
The way a hummingbirds and dragonflies fly. Outtakes. Freckles.
Tickles. Rain. Fog. Strangers. Dancing. Finger foods.
Warm apple cider. Open windows.  Wood wind chimes.
Squishing my toes in dirt. The moment a smile begins.
Mood lighting. Candles. String lights. Sherbert. Snuggles.
Warming my **** by a fire and sitting down fast. Treasure.
Lightning. Beethoven. *******. Challenges. Delayed Gratification.
Desired anticipation. Seduction. The wind. Cedar chests. Calliopes.
Austria. Vistas. Fingertips. Dangling my feet. Whispers. Spirals.

Twirly
Swirly
Whirly
soft as a willow wisp glides
Lift
Shift
Drift
Into the air they slide

No one wants to see the pain they caused
Our society doesn't want to deal with emotions
We hurt someone, and when they show that they are hurt
we go in to automatic defense mode
We start focusing on their reaction
and not what we did to cause it
Don't ask what's wrong just for you to figure out if your at fault
Do it because you genuinely care.
You know exactly what I mean too
When someone posts some elusive status update
that they are upset, people start to ask why?
Only most often it is to make sure it isn't them that caused the pain
Only it's not about you actually being in pain,
just that it isn't their fault
People ask why more often now as a defense mechanism
than as an actual query in to your emotional state
in order to help you and listen
Most only listen long enough to find out
if it is because of them or not
Ready to defend why they made whatever choice they did
Self serving care is ******* when done like this

If you feel the need to demand respect it means giving some of my own self respect
It means you don't respect yourself so in order to make you happy you ask me to respect you
If I give you pieces of my self respect that you can use to feel respected, it will only serve to hurt you and us because it's hollow this way. It will never satisfy that deep need for self respect. Only the self can do that
I can respect you without having to
respect your own personal issues and insecurities
I think somewhere in our society
respect has been twisted to the point
that the people demanding it don't understand that what they really want is to be obeyed.
That is what demanding respect does
If you demand it then it isn't respect at all
It is everything but respect

A hollow body
In depleted surrender
Lying motionless

Lift your head
Roll over
Crawl
Walk
Run
Life is an obstacle course
Repetition to hone
Everything has a purpose
Function, design, principle, scope, prospect
It's not always grand purpose to the average eye
They can be giant things or minuscule ones
No matter the size or look
They are equal in their importance
Regardless if you think that importance is silly
Good, bad, useless, or otherwise
What you think about them
Does not alter their function
It alters YOURS
Be the doer, maker,
The originator
Be movement

Stoked like a fire
I am the fuel
Not the flame
I am the oxygen
That allows it to burn

You matter
Because of
Your matter