Nothing here is of interest to me
Is there something terribly wrong with me?
I pick up my things
and sneak back home
Desperately hoping
I will never hear from
anyone of you
ever
again

The conversation around here
is such a long time dead
banality reigns
triumphantly
Instead

There is a dearth
Of good conversation around here
A lack of humor
A tumor
growing steadily
Can we cure it
Without insult?

we are talking ourselves into
another decade together
after all the tears
and all the doubts
all the fears
and the what abouts
after all the
who we could have been
and should have been
if we didn’t hold each other back
even after all that
we are talking ourselves into
another decade together

Good Evening!
you look well!
almost good
to see you
you are welcome
if you leave your dishonesty
at the door.

Evening calls
But not for me
It creeps in gently
almost silently
to comfort the lost
and lonely
Speckled navy blue caresses
ease the worried mind
arms so gentle and secure
they leave the sad behind
Evening calls
envelops the mind
with soft silky silhouettes
of saner settled times
Evening calls
each one of you
forward
faintly
to sunnier safer times

Happy now?
you ask
yeah, a little bit
at last
no regrets
about two million and twenty three
still, even so
it’s been a blast

Your love is
like tiny shards of broken glass
it will pierce  my heart
eventually

I am so not sure
that I have  found
the love  I have waited for
have longed for
or that I have found the love
I have always been
bound for
no matter the why and wherefore
of whatever I have
ever
ever
longed for.

Every time you walk away
we lose
another day.

I miss you
every night
everyday
I have spent all night
last night
and most of today
trying to find the right script to slay
no words present themselves
they know how much is at play
I miss you
every night
everyday

Almost everyday
A million words tumble off my tongue
A million smiles
I give out to everyone
I come home exhausted
Overwrought
And overcome
Completely overdone
trying to pretend
I can be someone
To everyone

your words
fall lightly
upon my ears
and I suspect
they always will
I see
the good
in everyone.

You are
exactly
where
you deserve
to be

Everything
is exactly the same
as it has as always been
except
for the blame

And then
after a hundred years of exception
I opened my eyes
and there was
nothing
there

I am exhausted
I know you are too
let’s lie down
beside each other now
catch a breath
or two

Would you be kind enough
to direct me,
to the nearest exit
I am leaving .

I just didn’t expect
the tears
at least not mine
I was ready for everything else
or so
I thought
I just didn’t expect the pain
or to be asked to explain
I just didn’t expect the blame
or to be asked to explain

In your eyes
There are lies
in my soul
Something dies

As the days fade into hours
and the hours
into minutes
when seconds
beckon
like lifelines
and suddenly become precious
I will be there
to remind you that
our every second
together
has always
felt like a lifetime

I walk in in
as you walk out
I speak loud
as you fade out

Night fades into
morning
Life fades into
yawning

Words fail me
then I see
they fail you too

I caught you yesterday
when you didn’t realise you were falling
you walked just a step too far
and didn’t hear me calling
but no worries
I caught you
anyway.

My life fell away from me
last night
I saw it fall
but didn’t reach to call
I watched it
tumble
and fall
crumble
stumble.
before stall
but
never once
did I ever
ever
feel the need
To catch
it
mid fall

I am about
two minutes away
from falling in love
with you

Do you remember when
we didn’t care
when we said
we would face life
head on
when we laughed at pain
when we didn’t explain
when we picked up the pieces
without complain
when we liked our life
without looking for fame

there are
seven wonders of the world
and I am sitting here
eating dinner
trading words
passing time
with three of them.

Every time we say
goodbye
a little bit inside. each
of us
becomes
totally
useless

I love this
not sure of anything else
but sure of this
I love this
I love the this is us ly ness
of this
and us,

Don’t fret
go to sleep
I will write
all our wrongs.

This wasn’t a win
but it wasn’t a fail
we didn’t **** each other
no one’s in jail

Every single day I am away
From all of you
Is twenty four hours
One thousand four hundred and forty
Minutes
Eighty six thousand four hundred
Seconds
Wasted
Whistling
Wishing
Myself
Back
Home
Again
With all of
You

my heart has not yet missed a beat
if it ever were to
it would only be
because you three
were out of arms reach
to me

Your love is like
navy blue silk
that everyone adores
but few can afford

Here’s the thing
I never missed you
Not a one of you
I hardly noticed you were gone
until
suddenly
yesterday

Remember you said
you would rather be dead
than to live a life without cause
God, how honourable then
I thought you were my saviour
and I drank your presence
like the sweetest wine
I clung to your every word
like a long lost disciple
All I ever wanted to be was
the perfect daughter
perfect friend
perfect girl
but you left
without teaching me
how to be just like you

I buried my father
although no one claimed the ****
I buried my father
with my brother, my sister
my mother dressed to ****
I buried my father
we haven’t bothered
with the will

Remember you said
you would rather be dead
than to live a life
without cause
God, how honourable then
I clung to your every word
like a long lost chalice
All I ever wanted to be was
the perfect daughter
perfect friend
perfect person
but you left
without telling me
how.

Tonight
I would like to topple the world
so we all fell out
into the abyss
together
and we were all scared
together
no colour no creed
in the mist of all that fear
I would grab your hand
I know I would
and I know
You would grab mine
too

I know I hold the brush
but I cannot paint a stroke of paint
upon the canvas of out life
our colours are unclear
our future blurred in fear
and fuchsia
nobody can live in fuchsia
no matter how hard they try.

I am no longer interested
in the pain of truth
But I sleep easy with deceit
It is by far
the easier feat

I lost my
point of view
and I only had a few
still I lost them
post them back
you know
I only had a few

so
this is what a final Goodbye  feels like
the knowledge that there will be
no
right of reply
no
thinking it over tomorrow
and deciding we were wrong
no
we said too much
no
let’s keep in touch
no
lets fume for a week
and have coffee next Friday
no
let’s talk it out again
and say sorry for playing games
this
is the game
that
was the game
we lost
no
chance to regain
you are gone
from this earth
so
this is what a final goodbye feels like.

My fingertips
tell me
how much I miss
human touch

The flames are climbing high now
out of control
they are burning our life down
we stand
paralysed by their power
and not a one around us
invested enough
to pass a bucket of water

the world is on fire
with hurt and pain
bodies are building up
children getting lost in the mire
the world is on fire
with deceit and blame
the world is on fire
not a one amongst us
brave enough
clever enough
wise enough
enough enough
interested enough
to fan the flame.

I don’t know
when the tears came
and overtook me
but I suspect
it was just
around the time
I first met you

The first little humans
who taught me that  I could
love
anyone
anywhere
anytime
anyhow
either way
whatever way
forever stay
it was you
all five of
you
so
Thank you