That
Fulfillment
Idek what it means
That’s what I need

The motivation for music
The drive for success
The time I spend mourning a living soul
The dreams I wish were true
It all goes back
To a full perfect life

I was happy with you
And even mere poetry texting
It keeps me up

I realize
It’s not being good enough that drives me
It’s not working hard
It’s not the pain along the way
It’s feeling there’s nothing else
And you do that
YOU
A million forbidden compliments
I could lay it all out for you
But you’ve heard it before
I’ll spare the dangerous details
Of a perfect you

I realize now
I asked you for confirmation
To know what you’d have wanted
Because if I did it over again
It’d all be for you
I’d give it all up for you

I’m scared
The iv doesn’t help-
My skin pinched over a needle
Blankets guarding the freezing air
But it doesn’t cover my pounding chest
All I can think about
Is how I have to get back to you
Just like last time

I have pain
Everywhere
The numbing wore off
Someone help
I can’t sleep
I’m trapped
I can’t talk
My mouth won’t stop bleeding
I hate it
The taste
The feeling
The pain from swallowing

your name was never just letters
from the moment I said it,
nervous, awed,
it belonged to the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.
i became obsessed with your name,
whispering it softly
as i dreamed of you with me,
until one day it wasn’t a dream,
you became mine.

Sometimes I can’t stop writing
It’s because I have so much to say
We used to message
On four platforms at once
Now messages is banned
We can only do everything else
I wonder what your mom would think
I don’t mean to disobey
I just mean to help
And I like this
I can’t stop liking you

Here’s to my 100
All these poems adding up
Almost all about you
One still about her
And the rest about my pain

Funny thing is
I can’t think of pain with you
I just think about getting better
That’s always been my problem until you
I wanted to fight
Now I just wish to settle
Tough times

Somedays I miss you
While we’re talking
It’s not because you aren’t you
No
It’s because every word going through
Has been said before
And in an instant
You could be gone
I’m not worried you might leave
I’m worried you might not come back
And I can’t ever lose you
I just want an answer
Can I know the future
All my secrets
If I knew-
I’d work as hard as I can
Not for mine
But for ours