When life falls apart,
Why are my feet glued to the floor?

I fell two years ago,
How am I still falling?

I can't bring myself
To write about someone else,
I buried a mistake in a pile of paper and regrets,
And wished for it to disappear,
Knowing **** well it wouldn't.

pressure
behind my eyes
smoke
fills the sky
or maybe
my mind
I cannot see
I cannot think
the smoke is consuming
the pressure is unwavering
I cannot breathe

I'm done with people being surprised by my speaking
Not knowing what to say
Being scared off
I know I can be intense
I'm sorry

I love deeply and I want to say it all
But I know I can't
I'm too intense
But it's hard to pretend
People mean less to me than they do
To some people out there
I have so many messages
I know are just
Too much
For me to send

im tempted --
to dial your number,
to send that text,
to drive to yours,
to run into your arms.

im tempted.
because i miss you.
i miss your warmth,
your scent --
that cold vanilla
and lavender scent
that was yours,
and only yours.

but most of all
im tempted
to just cry.
crying over you
sounds like a waste of tears.
but it'll just 
have to do.
because for now,
its all i have.
and you're not here.

...and i don't think
you'll be coming
back.