I am only an idea
Nothing more than a passing thought in your brain
One that isn't around often
But often enough for you to know it's there
But why care so much?
I'm just another thought.

It's so nice being out here
Listening to the world wake up
Well, birds are waking up the world...
But their voices are lovely, so it's not an ill way to wake up at all.

It's so nice being out here
Watching the world wake up
The sky gets brighter around me
And I hardly even notice

It's so nice being out here
Inhaling the scent of the world waking up
It smells like coffee and flowers
A scent I have grown to be quite fond of.

It's so nice being out here
Feeling the world wake up
A car speeds by
And the louder-than-loud bass from the fast-paced song on the radio rumbles underneath my toes.
How ironic, listening to a fast song in a fast car.

It's so nice being out here
It smells, feels, looks, and sounds relaxing...
And I could get used
To sitting on the porch at 5:52 in the morning.

It was 11:43 pm.
The street was quiet,
And the streetlights were the only thing allowing us to see each other.

His uniform looked damaged,
His eyes looked droopy,
And his hair looked gray.

The officer who came to my house in the middle of the night to check on me.
He got on his knees,
Got down to my level,
And placed a hand on my shoulder.

What's crazy is he encouraged me to do something illegal.
"Sir. All my life I have wanted to graffiti a building."
And he chuckled...
A warm and melodic sound in the quiet of the neighborhood...

"Then you can't die until you do it, huh?"

And I agreed.
Because he was called to check on me...
Because I was at a dark place in my life.
And he said quietly...

"There have been a lot of suicides in this county... and I have seen every one of them."

And I knew what he meant.
So I nodded.
And he stood up, told me and my mother goodnight, and went on his way.

And that officer will never know the impact he had on my life.

But I'll thank him anyways.

Make up your mind
You have to choose
Because if you keep doing this game
Of
"I changed my mind"
Both of us
Are gonna end up getting hurt

Choose
You're killing me

Put your blade to the ice
Now soar

"See you tomorrow!"
And it was fun
And I smiled
Until I caught myself smiling
Smiling at my phone like an idiot

And then my smile fell

It's not a matter of when I will die,
It's not a matter of how I will die,
It's not even a matter of why I'll die.
It's a matter of...
"Will anyone care?"
"Will I have left a dent on the Earth?"
"Will I have mattered?"
"Will I have changed someone's life?"
And if I can't answer those questions...
Then maybe...

I don't wanna die yet.

I'm a good person
I'm kind to everyone
Even though I've been hurt
So many times

I'm a good person
I'm trying my best
Even if my best
Will never be good enough

I'm a good person
I help where I can
At the cost of my own feelings
I'll help someone else

I'm a good person
I'm losing good weight
Eating so little
To make my body appealing to your eyes

I'm a good person
I'm doing so much
Just waking up in the morning
I'm trying to help

Am I good person?
I realize I try to help
But will I ever make
Someone's life better?

It's like you were an alcoholic
And I was just another empty bottle

Uh oh,
I've been talking to this girl
Everything she says
Makes the butterflies twirl
Uh oh,
Her hand's resting on my thigh
Another soft touch from her
And I just might die
Uh oh,
I'm falling into love again
But I've seen this before,
And I know how it ends.

I've lost my appetite
I mean
Sure, my stomach sounds
As if it is screaming for me to get up
And get some food
But when I actually get that food
Then what?
I raise the fork to my lips
And try not to hurl
And ****
How good it feels
This emptiness
Satisfies me
The crying
Calms me
The diet
Flattens me

Besides
They say
"Beauty is Pain"