I sit here pondering my death.
As I look upon the remnants of my tattered remains for signs of my so called life, I come to the conclusion that to do this, I must first accept the fact that I even had a life.
But how can one have lived without the rhythmic beating of a heart, or the spiritual foundation of a soul to support ones wants and desires, or the will that encourages the thoughts and dreams of existence.

How could the emptiness that was inside me have housed such a wonder?
How is it possible the weakness I felt could ever have held such a power within?
Is it possible I had reached the pinnacle of my suffering and committed emotional suicide?

Is it possible my demise was due to the ravenous wants and needs of man, disguised as passion and love which lured me into my willingness to give all that I had so freely, to satisfy a gluttonous appetite that consumed everything in its path including the memory of who and what I was?
But to acknowledge this would be to admit I gave my precious gift of life in exchange for a lie wrapped in the promise of everlasting happiness and love.

I sit here and ponder my death but I do not mourn.
For I have only lost the vessel which held my true spirit, the one which now looks for the light and the chance to be reborn.
A new being of strength and wisdom who realizes the mistake made in that other form, but will now hold dear all that is to come and all that can now be.

A smile forms at the edge of my face
As random thoughts of you tiptoe through my head.

Your silly little laugh
As you acknowledge my poor attempts at humor

Your quiet breathing
As you sleep peacefully next to me.

The natural beauty held within your soul
And the tenderness that emanates through your eyes,
As I gaze intently into them.

Pleasing memories of your soft skin,
Fragrant scent and elegant form
Send waves of heat throughout my body.

Suddenly I feel a rumbling within the depths of my being.  

Emotions spew from my inner core
Like magma from the mouth of an erupting volcano,
Molten hot with fiery intention

Boiling blood courses through my veins like a lava flow,
Searing my heart and heating my lungs,
Turning my breath into a pyroclastic flow of lust and desire

The soft tiptoed footsteps within my mind
Transform into thunderous stomps
As deliberate memories of our unbridled passion
Run rampant throughout my head.

Tremors of elation and excitement rock my body
Like the aftershocks from a violent earthquake
As pleasure sweeps across my body like a tidal wave,
And turns my smiling face into a mirrored image
Of satisfaction and pleasure

I am left breathless, shaken.

As the thoughts of you slowly fade from my head
My smile remains

Because even though on the days you are away from me,
I am blessed to know that just the very thought of you
Leads to a happy ending