Sleepless nights full of regret
For holding it all in
Waiting for the erosion
Of my mind to begin

My soul wanders aimless
Blind, lost and weak
A beautiful future
Now dark, lonely and bleak

Where do I look for courage
To find my voice
Is it too late?
Do I still have a choice?

Am I destined to be silent?
Nothing more than a mute
Unable to express
And emotionally irresolute

So now I just sit
In a dark corner and sigh
Looking for answers
To the how, when and whys

I hope the answers come soon
On why I don’t speak
Why I can’t express what I feel
And why I feel lonely and weak

Until I find the answers
I’ll just continue to cut
But I will hide my arms well
So nobody sees and thinks I’m a nut.

Devoid of all substance and matter
I am empty to the core
Cold and vacant are my eyes
My soul resides in me no more

Love and desire have vacated my heart
And my will and hope have fled
Any thoughts of joy or happiness
No longer fill my head

Drained of all feeling and emotion
All that’s left is an empty shell
My tears have dried, my voice has gone
I’m now unable to cry or yell

My spiritual existence has ended
And left me completely hollow
If my courage hadn’t left me long ago
I would let my mortal life follow

Indistinguishable from the nothingness
I am the darkness’s biggest fan
As I am now resigned to be
Just another invisible man

Forlorn in demeanor,
Thyself with heart in tatters

Solemn and beseeched,
I'm near the edge
Of loves rapturous foreboding precipice

Shall my torturous soul
Commit it’s self to the abyssal unknowns
Of sacrificial acquiescence to thee?

A force neither trustworthy nor forgiving
As it warms chilled hearts
And sooths with passionate death

Unwitting those of lesser toils within,
True to their salvation,
But blind to its deceit
And yet give reverence to thee

Alas shall I not gaze into eyes of splendor
Nor taste passion upon sweet lips?

Forsake the essence of purity sought,
And forgo righteous happenings within thy being?

To this unknown I ponder
And thus negates my apotheosis of thee

Enlighten my sorrowful remnants of gayety
And subservient obedience to thee
As was once remembered

At this I shall take that leap of faith
And boldly plunge thyself into the depths
Of your infinite sanctity

Red ripe is my fruit
Plump and bursting with resentment
Oozing remorse and regret
My pain Ready for you to harvest

I have waited patiently
For your uncontrollable urge
To feast upon my agony
And devour my shame

Your greedy appetite
For my suffering is insatiable
Feed your glutinous desires
As you sink your teeth deep
Into my cold flesh

******* bittersweet discontent
As you ingest my poisoned hatred
And choke upon the shards
Of my broken heart and shattered dreams

Now that you have consumed
The essence of my pain
I’m nothing but a hollow core
Return my ravaged remains
Back into the soil of Eden's garden

So that I may be absorbed
Back into the earth
And the seed of mans sins
Can now take root

Look at you now
All bloated and stinking
Feeding the maggots
What were you thinking?

Did you think it would last?
Your rein of malicious intent
All the days of physical abuse
And nights of hellish torment

Your belittling ways, gave you such a thrill
How you chipped away at my sanity
Breaking not only my bones
But my dignity and will

You tried to control my thoughts
Your power over me you had to prove
By binding my heart and soul
So tight I could barely move

I had become just a toy
To amuse your twisted mind
To my misery and unhappiness
You were unaware and completely blind

But your cruel games are now over
Your time of tyranny is through
It was my life I had to defend
And that’s why I had to **** you

I wish they had not found you
Revenge or satisfaction I never really got
I wanted to feel your soul suffer
And watch your body rot!

Moist lips
Swollen with passion
Sent from thy red throbbing heart
Once resembling obsidian

Nerves once numb
Tingle and burn anew
As rivers of red
Course through
Thy once arid veins

A cacophony
Of maddening inner voices
Echo within the hollows
Of a once silenced consciousness

Newly awakened emotions
Now ready to unfurl and blossom
Within thy once dormant being

Flushed skin warm and red
With newfound emotions
Brighten the lingering gloom
Surrounding thy darkened dreams

As tears of new found reverence
Spill from once blind eyes
That once again behold
The beauty and desire
Buried deep within thyself.

Alas life flourishes
Abundantly growing
With each new word of adoration
Whispered into thy long deaf ear

As love buries it’s self
Deeper and deeper
Under thy now soft
And no longer pale skin…

I’m waiting on you
And I'm being very patient
To show you my love
Is my only intent

The hours and minutes
Tick by unmercifully slow
And my anticipation for your touch
Just seems to grow and grow

Unable to focus
My thoughts are only of you
As the hours pass into days
My red heart fades to blue

I yearn for you intensely
As those days turn into weeks
My life seems meaningless without you
Your presence my soul now seeks

Weeks have evolved into months
And my sadness I can hardly bare
I feel as though I’m fading
Into the nothingness I now stare

Desperation and heart ache
Months now have become a year
Losing you forever
Was my deepest dark fear

You left without reason
With out even a warning
Now in the stillness of this place
I find myself mourning

But today I stand at your grave
And realize now it must be
That you’re the one who now
Is patiently waiting for me….