I will spend eternity craving you.
longing for your lips pressed against mine.
with every touch you slowly brought me alive, igniting me like gas on a fire.
I exploded under your touch.
with every word and whisper.
I will die remembering how you made me feel.

the question of what I'm afraid of haunts me....
I will sometimes say the darkness, trying to play it off cool.
or maybe it's deep water, and what lays beneath the muggy depths.
I sometimes think it's fire, how powerful it could be, how quickly it could destroy everything just as you turn away.
I could always say it's weather, how the wind howls so creepily
the way the thunder shakes the earth.
there's a million different things I could say.
but truly if you want to know what keeps me up at night.
it's you....
I'll lay in bed and think about how one day you'll me gone.
how no matter how much I love you, it could never be enough.
I know I'm not the prettiest.
my hair maybe too brown.
I don't have a body like hers.
So I guess there's the truth.
I'm scared of losing you.

I heard you finally found someone....
someone who can give you thing's I guess I never could,
even though I tried:
I'm so happy that your dreams came true like you always wanted
and I promise you I tried really hard to stay away....
but I needed to see for myself if everything was okay
there was always a fire in your eyes I pray it didn't go away
but as time flew away I wanted to make sure it was still there
from our glory day's.
I also wanted to apologize
It's all my fault anyway
because I know I will never find someone like you.

everybody warns you about death....
how losing a loved one can destroy your life, ripe apart what you always knew to be reality and shake it out of control completely.
but nobody warns you what its like to morn the death of someone who is still alive, someone who still trapes the earth but has nothing to do with you.
they tell you how this person you love will be taken away, but gone to a better place.
but what about him?
what about the boy I loved more than the universe itself who's gone but just in my life?
and I the one who dies while he still gets the privilege to live?

The fresh morning snow cast a sparkling glow over the quiet dawn.
The puffy clouds resembling my eyes full of tears.
The doves chose not to sing their sunny tune.
The world hushing to nothing more than a whisper.
The wind holding back it's hollow goodbye.  
The darkness watched, waiting to claim you as his own.
And the sun shone for the very last time.

I was falling, so fast that reality wasn't a thing anymore, anything was nothing.
i tried so hard to get a grip.... anything, just to be able to pull myself up and out of this black void that was swallowing me whole.
but there was nothing, jut me and all this darkness. a darkness that was consuming me.
words echoed from the depths. echoes of the same words she yelled at me.
be better
get better
not enough
never enough
i couldn't feel anything, but the tears falling down my cheeks. as i couldn't hold on anymore, and then i was gone.

**** me....
**** me now and watch me bleed
I want you to know that you were the death of me
**** me now before I have the chance to breathe
I don't want to feel the breeze just your hands choking me
**** me now and hurry please
there's nothing left in me....
**** me now like you killed me then just slightly more violently
stab me, shot me just make me bleed
you already took the best of me....
just **** me please.... and end this misery

the music stopped
but the moment before the last note ringed out
I remember thinking
I'll always remember us this way
the way before the sun goes down
and the moon comes out
I'll remember us in those quiet moments before dawn
when your smile was real
when I could tell you were happy.
I'll remember how you'd look at me with this fire
the way our hands couldn't stay off of each other
when your eyes said everything your lips couldn't
I'll remember everything....
I'll always remember us this way....