I should have seen this all coming....
the 3am crying and silent screaming, I knew it was coming, I knew from that moment you left me standing out in the rain on that horrible august day
I stupidly forgot what it felt like to be lonely, to be so alive at midnight or 2 in the morning, having no one to care about
funny how you used to be my best friend, not a single secret on my part, I was committed with my whole heart but you started getting strange.
our love died slow and strange cause it was only last week you were saying I held your heart, what happened to that flame?
it was washing away and there was nothing I could do but sit there and beg, it all ended the same even with me screaming for you to hear, now I question why did I even cared?
our love suffocated in this air and now I'm stranded with the echoes of your lies at the horrible hour of midnight.

I miss you.... It's quite ridiculous how much, I knew I would in many ways because we had somehow become one, but I did not think it would be like this.... I truly did not prepare for this
it's unbelievable how essential you had become to me
I know I should not have to make you love me any more by giving myself away like this, but I love you and foolishly I would have done anything for you
all of a sudden missing you had not become so simple....
it was something I held on to to remember you, have any sort of proof to say I really knew you, but in all the holding on I had lost parts of myself and this whole ordeal had become not so wholesome.
I do not resent you, I love you too much for that even still,
you had broken down all my defenses or I had let you that part is unclear
but either way it does not matter because even now even after everything I love you, and truly I think even from afar I'll continue too.
but please know I will always miss you

so there was this boy and I loved him even when he thought he was unlovable, this boy and his sad blue eyes
he held all the stars in the sky in the palm of his hands in my eyes
I would kiss him on the forehead and he'd tell me all these sweet sad lies.
this boy was not perfect but I loved him even in his darkest times
I would have given every part of me to hold him together
this boy I know he tried he pushed himself along for as long as he could but I guess it got to much, I really really tried to glue him back together, save those pieces that were slowly splitting from the structure.
but I could not be your hero....
I could no longer get you to smile, that boy I had picture perfect in my memory from last summer, he was drown out by some sort of sorrow, some sort of sadness that took over.
I'm sorry, sorry that I couldn't hold you together, sorry I wasn't good enough to help through the struggle, sorry I couldn't be your hero.
this boy, I didn't see it in the beginning but he was always broken born into some sort of jail cell with a disease no one could heal.
this boy told me I was the greatest thing to ever happen to him and I really wanted it to be real, but now I'm going on without you.
this broken boy decided to bear his soul alone
In the end I could not be his hero but you weren't the only one to struggled, I just hope you know I really loved you.

I thought maybe I meant something to you especially in those moments when you'd look at me like I held the sun....
wanting you burns me up from the inside out, one moment I'm okay and whole and smiling in that crowd full of people I don't know
and then I hear your voice....
and everything goes dark, I was supposed to be okay, I was okay
but the room starts spinning and I just want to go home
home is not where the heart is without you
so I lit a smoke and chugged the ***** to burn down my throat
laying on the bathroom floor alone
how come it didn't work?
how come these little memories keep falling down my cheek?
when all I want to do is scream....
I need you to be holding me, it wasn't supposed to be this way
it's awful not to be loved, it's the worst feeling ever it makes you mean and violent and you can never decide if you should just end it.... the liquor stops working and the music is so loud because you just want to stop thinking
and now I know why people throw themselves off bridges.

I never had a nickname....
then there was that one night it was late we were tired, really tired,
but in love....
the fresh kind where everything is shiny and fluffy and you laugh at everything and smile over at each other in that certain way
I remember you laughing saying I needed a nickname
you settled on frog....
it was weird and I didn't really like it but it make you smile
so I went along
I was frog to only you
it was frog and hugh
you called me beautiful and I believed you
you told me I was the greatest thing to ever happen to you
I wanted it so badly to be true
all of a sudden I started questioning me but that was your fault
it was the last time you called me frog and you didn't even have the decency to call
'hey frog, this is really hard for me to do....'
it was long and drown out across the bright screen, it was late at night and I was now alone.
told me I had such a beautiful soul you couldn't bring it down with you
I wanted to scream how could you.... how dare you
but truly I wanted to say I love you
I didn't, because I couldn't so I told you wow this is unexpected what else was I supposed to do?
you never answered your phone
and you never called me frog again.

you held my hand as we were intertwined
drunk of alcohol and each other
I smiled with your lips against mine
your heart was beating so fast under my palm
your hands explored places not even I knew were there....
it tickled the way you'd pull me close by the waist
I wanted to stay tucked between your arms for eternity
but the sun started to rise
I pried myself out of your arms kissed your lips and said goodbye....