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Brandon Conway Sep 2018
Behind these eyes, insanity
a slow permeation of a voice
screaming truths and half truths

I just don’t want to listen
so I flood the head
just to drown the haunting

but it is ******* immortal
every night I send an eagle
to gnaw on the larynx

every morning it’s there to greet
disguised as a fictional friend
                  fiend. I meant fiend.

it’s kudzu it’s ******* kudzu
every day is a mid spring day
even in winters delicate palms

I spend the nights soaking in a bath
last night I let the water ******* tongue
soon it will feast on my lungs

I can go out like Plath
except my poems are bad
and my novel is only a paragraph

I will not
     let the inner
          demons win.
  Sep 2018 Brandon Conway
Poppy
I am straight just as you say
Homosexuality? Ha, not today
I'm attracted to men, I swear I am
I'll prove it to you if you give me a chance
Men are soft and warm and squishy
My heart beats fast when I think of kissing
Men, with sparkling eyes and curvy flesh
I don't think about what I'm going to say next
And when her hand does drift near mine
My whole world seems to stop in time
She's the honey and butter, I'm the crumbs and the plate
She's a hydrogen bomb and my mouth is agape
A tsunami and a twister, I'm debris left behind
She's a cyclone of inferno and I'll look till I'm blind
In her right she's a queen, I'm a peasant that knelt
A sphere of velvet and steel while I'm the asteroid belt
If she's the artist and the paint, I'm the brush and the canvas
She's the one that I want, but I couldn't have planned this
I'm the body and blood, she's the gun and bullets
And I'm falling too far into somewhere I shouldn't

I'll admit I'm a coward because in public I'm straight
If I fall out of the closet, I don't know what will await
Will I receive open arms or will it take a turn for the worse
Another story with the ending " young corpse in a hearse "
But I can't help but wonder, if she's the stars I'm the sky
Then she must be the fruit and I must be the fly
Our talks leave me warm like the smile on her lips
I feel most at home with my hands on her hips
If she's a rose among weeds, then I must be the thorns
She's a bull caged in limbo, I'm her dust covered horns
I think I'm trapped in my ink, but I live in this fear
In fate's hands I will shatter and never see her draw near
Lacerated fists I will raise, on concrete feet I will stay
Like the sun, I will rise and reign in the new day
They can try to devour me with their hatred laced bullets
But you can't move a mountain whether you push it or pull it
If she's the shield and the armor, I'm the scream and the sword
She's an implosion of the cosmos, I'm the written record
First of all, let me note that this, unfortunately enough, isn't my own work. It's a good friend's of mine who is just amazing. With her permission of course, I decided to put it out there. She is far more experienced than I, but has never shared her work, so I think this is the start of something beautiful, perhaps her own account. Baby steps for now though.
the x wife calls
tells me the children miss me.
her voice
a mirror of broken glass
fragments falling into
the touch of sadness
from her fingers
the soft laughter
of her eyes like a candle
in the night

tonight
twilight comes to play
whispering in my night
quick as life
I hear the sadness
quick as life
I can hear the regret

I 've wounded you

I can only be
what I was
meant to be

I am the candle without the wick

excuse me, i tell her, i've got to go.
  Sep 2018 Brandon Conway
Sylvia Plath
'Perspective betrays with its dichotomy:
train tracks always meet, not here, but only
    in the impossible mind's eye;
horizons beat a retreat as we embark
on sophist seas to overtake that mark
    where wave pretends to drench real sky.'

'Well then, if we agree, it is not odd
that one man's devil is another's god
    or that the solar spectrum is
a multitude of shaded grays; suspense
on the quicksands of ambivalence
    is our life's whole nemesis.

So we could rave on, darling, you and I,
until the stars tick out a lullaby
    about each cosmic pro and con;
nothing changes, for all the blazing of
our drastic jargon, but clock hands that move
    implacably from twelve to one.

We raise our arguments like sitting ducks
to knock them down with logic or with luck
    and contradict ourselves for fun;
the waitress holds our coats and we put on
the raw wind like a scarf; love is a faun
    who insists his playmates run.

Now you, my intellectual leprechaun,
would have me swallow the entire sun
    like an enormous oyster, down
the ocean in one gulp: you say a mark
of comet hara-kiri through the dark
    should inflame the sleeping town.

So kiss: the drunks upon the curb and dames
in dubious doorways forget their monday names,
    caper with candles in their heads;
the leaves applaud, and santa claus flies in
scattering candy from a zeppelin,
    playing his prodigal charades.

The moon leans down to took; the tilting fish
in the rare river wink and laugh; we lavish
    blessings right and left and cry
hello, and then hello again in deaf
churchyard ears until the starlit stiff
    graves all carol in reply.

Now kiss again: till our strict father leans
to call for curtain on our thousand scenes;
    brazen actors mock at him,
multiply pink harlequins and sing
in gay ventriloquy from wing to wing
    while footlights flare and houselights dim.

Tell now, we taunq where black or white begins
and separate the flutes from violins:
    the algebra of absolutes
explodes in a kaleidoscope of shapes
that jar, while each polemic jackanapes
    joins his enemies' recruits.

The paradox is that 'the play's the thing':
though prima donna pouts and critic stings,
    there burns throughout the line of words,
the cultivated act, a fierce brief fusion
which dreamers call real, and realists, illusion:
    an insight like the flight of birds:

Arrows that lacerate the sky, while knowing
the secret of their ecstasy's in going;
    some day, moving, one will drop,
and, dropping, die, to trace a wound that heals
only to reopen as flesh congeals:
    cycling phoenix never stops.

So we shall walk barefoot on walnut shells
of withered worlds, and stamp out puny hells
    and heavens till the spirits squeak
surrender: to build our bed as high as jack's
bold beanstalk; lie and love till sharp scythe hacks
    away our rationed days and weeks.

Then jet the blue tent topple, stars rain down,
and god or void appall us till we drown
    in our own tears: today we start
to pay the piper with each breath, yet love
knows not of death nor calculus above
    the simple sum of heart plus heart.
  Sep 2018 Brandon Conway
Sylvia Plath
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
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