Her heart shattered
From all the hatred built up
Inside.

Eyes crystal blue,
matching the ice you hold in your chest.
Take from me?
You've already taken all that I've got.
You were a boy
torn apart by the menacing voices of society.
Who are you now?
A beaten down, bruised and abused
child of the system.
Repeating the cycle.
Put down your fists
and wipe the blood off of your knuckles.
Take a step back.
The damage is done.
Are you happy now?

i remember the taste of my own blood
fondly
i remember my broken nose bone fellating my own
grey brain-mush
and how i could smell my own
ocular nerves
and my scattered smile
like a third period hockey player eating
a puck
and glancing at his mother in the crowd
i remember a moment suffering in the opposite of blindness,
and a canadian wearing a sombrero and chinos holding a guitar
i remember high testosterone levels
and blurred vision
i remember what knuckles taste like
and how bone feels against bone

but he remembers it too
he remembers how concrete tastes
and how embarrassment runs
like blood to the head of a man hanging by his feet
he knows the conclusion of concussion and
how much a hospital visit for a broken arm costs.

I
      smile everyday, even though I feel empty because I
Want
      others to not know the pain I feel inside, begging
To
      Get out and scream to the world to just
Die**
      Because honestly, That is all that I feel is left for me

Father please,
Stop yelling,
My ears begin to bleed.

Mother please,
Stop slamming things,
I tremble in my chair.

Sister please,
Stop pacing the house,
I become so unsettled.

Amidst the noises,
Of the television on,

The yelling

And the slamming,

And the pacing,

There is no quiet.

My mind is jumbled
And I cannot focus on anything.
My hands shake as
I want to throw and hit things.
There is so much noise,
So much loudness,
I am losing myself and I want to rip myself apart and I want to cry and
I want to scream
STOP!


But I can only sit.

I can only cover my ears,

I can only look away,

I can only retreat inside once again.

I can only try to remember when this wan't happening.

I can only hold tightly onto my own hands and hope this ends soon.


And yet,
I may wish,
And I may wish again.