i put my eggs on the bottom of all my groceries.
i did it last time, and i'll do it again,
and i'll still act shocked when i open the carton and they've fallen apart.
i'll watch devastatingly as the yolk slips through my fingers;
i'll mourn for the money lost, mourn for the eggshells on my kitchen counter.

breakfast is the healthiest meal of the day, and mine is spread across my kitchen floor.
everyone walks on eggshells around me,
but i stomp on them.
i pour bacon grease on my legs;
the burn feels good for thirty minutes,
but the blisters become unbearable at thirty-one.

i didn't just spill the milk;
i poked a hole in the carton.
i watched it leak through, like blood seeping through a bandage;
i'm crying over spilled milk.
i'm always crying over spilled milk.

i want to grow out of this never ending stage of self sabotage;
i am the victim,
i am always the victim;
the child cries wolf and no one in town cares anymore;
the wolf can't be found,
because the child has swallowed it.

i am no good.
my kitchen is a mess,
i don't eat breakfast,
and i play the victim card like it's the only one left in the deck.
my groceries are in the dumpster out back;
i'm ravenous --
i'll eat you out of house and home.

I'm fighting tears
like
the knights of lore fought dragons
I'm a turret of emotions
The demons under my bed
are reaching up and holding me by my throat as I sleep
Forcing me to dream of the good days of old
Forcing me to face my fears for the future
I wander the streets late at night
A slight limp from the broken bone in my foot.
I'm self destructive
Why would I let myself heal
when I know I'm hurting everyone I love.
I can't breathe again.
The ball and chain on my ankle is cutting deep.
The white noise I found an escape in isn't enough anymore
The voices are coming back.
My border line personality disorder
is burning bridges
While I desperately drag my past as I try and ***** the flames.
I'm reaching for buckets of water
But dumping gasoline
Burn, baby, burn

Sometimes
I just want to die

not really,
but really

I'm just wanting an escape.
Wanting to leave this place
Leave the people
Leave the stress

I don't want any of it
Don't need anybody
just one
that's it

But I couldn't take him with me
He deserves better

I don't have any friends.
Don't get along with my parents.

I feel alone.
So just let me do it.
Let me go.

My wrists are already scarred.
My cheeks are already tear-streaked.
My will is already almost gone.
So just let me go.

Pain will never leave me.
It lingers into my skin,
Leaving aches all over my body.
I’ve become fragile and thin.

Some days I’m the sun,
Other days I’m just pure darkness.
There is no way I could outrun,
The feeling of being heartless.

I beg you to stay by my side,
I question your love for me.
I threaten to leave you behind,
Screaming in pain, don’t leave me.

I interrogate my own existence,
Wondering why and how I’m still here.
I woke up with so much resilience,
For once, not a single fear.

That won’t last long,
In a few minutes I’ll be someone new.
I know, there’s something wrong.
But I wish you had a clue.

Sitting on the bathroom floor with a gun in your hand
Knees pulled up to your chest
Your head rests on your knees
Your shoulders shaking cause you're laughing and crying
Gun to the side of your head
"Are you gonna do it?"
Find the sweet release when the bullet leaves the barrel of the gun and enters your brain

Click

The gun's empty
I am not dying
The gun's unloaded
I do this every time
Never strong enough to take the bullet
And never strong enough to let anyone see me like this
Always weak enough to be messed up like this
*Always thinking, always wishing I put a bullet in