you did, all across the hallway
on the bathroom floor
and on the glass shower door
eye shadows flooded like the money
in your bank account baby

fake love hip swing under palm trees
land of milk and honeys
you did, yeah, that's how american women do it
it's what makes you human
it's what makes you beautiful

vulnerable, lost, all over the internet
and you did it for a BSN
all the while they tell you you're beautiful

baby I got hours of green
to edit, mondays goes dumb hard
like kicking kittens like footballs

leg day to finish myself off
to seal my confidence into the night
i hate days like these, rocky roads

and nowhere to hide from the sun
and the ugly, being assimilated into
the lifeless machine in a lifestyle-less queue

knew a girl named Faith
who had none at all
husky breath, taut body
aligning laughter with anyone in sight
sotto voce-
fading into the carriage of the night
rolling within the mazes she chooses

she's a tall tower squishing my chest
tabi heels from margiela
give her all my love but it's never enough
takes it all and serves it to everyone
else
crosses for earrings
knew a girl named Faith
and i love her

watch you from far away
as the sun slinks beneath the trees
got some
bad luck
a bad body
a curse in love
like it follows me hopelessly like a ghost
wanting to join the living again
you wink at me from your camaro
like it means something
in your gucci flippy floppies
and i giggle like it means something
two strangers never to see each other again
autumn will inherit ohio soon
me promising i won't be scared
of having air as the infill of my arms
and time is a stream with purposeful arrows
who am i to be your burden

Am I wasting time?
or is time
wasting
me?

For me, depression is walking across the street without looking both ways.
It's sitting in a car wishing an accident would come, wishing you would be the only casualty.
It's cooking everything despite not wanting to, eating everything in sight just because there's a slim chance of dying from poison.
It's staying out in the rain and never moving, staring in the distance. Waiting for a branch to knock me unconscious.
It's staying up till dawn knowing you have to be up early the next day.
It's zoning out at random intervals because you have no energy anymore.
It's staying in your room unless necessary.
It's staying in bed until life comes knocking at the door.
It's losing inspiration on things you previously liked.
To me, these are the meaning of depression.

I still support you
Through your ****** fluidity
Through your gender fluidity
Through your wavering confidence
Through the harsh, silencing glances
Through the whispers and rumors

I still love you
And I won’t ever stop
Not to appease our doubtful peers
Or unsupportive family

Please don’t forget me
Please don’t forget the tender embraces we’ve shared
Or the forbidden kisses we hastily exchanged
Under the cover of night

I love you
Don’t forget to love yourself