Depression,
It's like living but feeling lifeless,
having an heart but feeling it hollow.
Its like being free
But being trapped in your own mind.
You are not suicidal but want to disappear.
Its feeling lonely when everyone are around you.
Having insecurities even though you're beautiful.
Its when you lose your smile
Cause your too caught up in your mind.
Its that moment when your past and present
Mistakes replay.
The moment when you start to feel suffocated Like all the air is removed from you.
When you suddenly start crying but have no idea why.
You start to feel worthless,
You start the harm yourself,
You slowly lose yourself to your inner demons,
You feel ugly and lonely,
It's in that point of time you start to fake smile and say , "I'm Okay" only because you are broken but don't wanna explain it cause it's all too much.
Yep that's depression
and we are all victims to it at some point of time.

You live out your life
While I bleed my feelings.
Oh how different we are.

I feel numb.
My emotions as empty
As my expression.
Thinking that maybe this
Can be this thing people call
Depression.
After weeks of suppressing
All these emotions,
I so badly want to feel them again.
It’s that one missing
Piece to this puzzle
Of what it’s like
To normal and whole.
You’re living and breathing
Like a normal human being,
But you can’t fully function
Like one.
Your drowning in the lack of emotions
That you would even ****
To feel anything.
Even if takes
A silver blade
That tears apart your flesh
And your mind.

I can't stop thinking of it
How the razor feels so cool in my hands
Fitting so perfectly between the grip of finger and thumb
How it appears from nothing
Pink
to
Bright red
Beads of blood pooling along the fine line of open flesh
The cold burn of alcohol
The soreness and sting with every step

I can't stop thinking of his blood
What if mine looked like that one day
How strangely romantic it would be
to bleed out the hurt together

I woke up craving it
He kisses me hard before I leave him behind in my dreams
It does not hurt during
Only after
perhaps these dreams are much like razors

I woke up craving to open myself up
clavicle to stomach
pour myself out over white sheets
the stains wont come out
My mom would throw them away

The place where i once felt safe
has grown teeth and a devious grin
come in my friend, while I chew you like gum
and spit you out when the sweetness has subsided

may 24, 2017
last suicide attempt
everyone blamed you
it was him
he hurt you
why do you even talk to him still?

you were never the reason
you broke up with me that night
and i snapped
the only thing that kept me happy
left
and i had
zero reason to
live

it was never your fault...