different

have you ever wondered
what it wud be like
if you lived another life
had a different house
friends that aren't the same
the sky is gray not blue
and flowers grow on walls
would you be a better person
just cause you are a different person.

Lay me down to rest
Between velvet sheets
shut my eyes with rose petals.
Adorn my neck with jewels
Lay my hands together
One on top of the other.
In my favorite dress
Absolute still silence
make it cosy and warm.
Spray my favorite scent
Like paradise upon my skin
And watch me sleep.

Dear Love.

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

This is my first love letter to you and i hope there will be many more to come. You deserve to be cherished and showered in love because you are an amazing man. You snuck up on me unawares and laid siege to my heart. Lord knows i tried to resist you but you cant escape destiny. We were like two forces meant to collide.I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I know we are miles apart and this is online — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little things with you. Big things. Anything that will cement our love.

You worry because you think you can not give me something that you want to and think I need. You worry about not being enough. But darling you are the sum of everything i ever wanted. You needn’t worry. I love you in so many ways so much — even if you gave me nothing,I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, far and imperfect, are so much better than anyone else I know past and future. I believe everything happens for a reason and our destiny brought us together because we are stronger as a whole. I want an imperfect perfect love with you giving each other things no one else dared.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a boyfriend irl. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t want anyone else because my eyes are set on you— they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

You built a wall
Between you and I
At first with paper and string
And later with bricks
Severing our connection
Leaving not even a trace.
You shut me out of your life
Wrote me out of your story
with grim determination.
I loved you once
A mistake I won't make again.

Nobody warns you about the first boy that will break your heart.
But even if they did, what words would make it okay for him not to love you anymore?
Would it prepare you to let go when you realise love just isn't enough?

Nobody warns you of the cold nights when you can't stop thinking about him.
And the hollow pit in your chest when he doesn't pick up your calls.
Did he get someone else so soon after you?
Will today be the day when his bed smells like someone else?

Nobody warns you that it will hurt till you can't breathe.
That you will feel your world crashing around you and not be able to stop it.
Nobody warns you that you lose a part of you forever when he walks out on you.

The pain
        The agony
Like learning to live again
Without everything you love.
The nightmares
         The horror
of everything black and blue
Grey and brown hues.
Reality zooming in
           Dreams phasing out
Oh but for alternate reality
to have what I badly want.
The noise
       The silence
I would give for explosions
and implosions too.
The chaos
         The order
It's a bundle of contradictions
Scattered in the recesses
Of my mind.

We once had a connection so strong,
It took my breath away.
And now you're another name that makes me cringe,
You turned out to be an ***,
Why am I not surprised.
You took everything i loved,
Shoved it into a box.
The **** line keeps getting longer,
Am a walking poster.
Hurt me, abuse me.
Wring me inside out.
Tear me apart bone by bone,
Burn me, consume me with flame.
I am tired of crying myself to sleep,
Curling myself into a ball.
It's driving me crazy,
Am so tired.
I need my pain to stop.

You don't define me
But simply refine me
Letting me grow stronger
Find my feet and totter
You offer your shoulder
for when I need to hold on.
You were made for me
Or maybe Cupid was awake
He saw my desires.
It was fated to be this
more than just a fling.
When you hold me close
I could swear time stops
Cause I lose myself in you.
Recklessly,abundantly
Give myself over to you
Your embrace and caress
Sending shivers through me
I tremble with passion
For all of you,more of you
I could almost scream your name
You are invading my senses.
I like what you do to me.

Do not look for me in our old haunts
I am not there.
I walked out the door
And never looked back.
Do not call me up at 3 in the morning
I wont pick up.
I found so many things to fill my life
The space you left isn't there.
Do not say you will always love me
I don't want a captive
What I needed was a partner and friend and you didn't care.
Do not wait up for me
Am not coming home.
You threw away what we had
Couldn't even make up an excuse
it's okay to let go you know,
I already have.

melancholy

how can i be happy
when i can't have you
who my heart longs for
i see you in my sleep
you complete my dreams.

and am lost,so very lost
without you here
to hold my hand.
you had my back and held me
when it was all crashing down.

how can i smile
when you're not mine.
i need you,i want you
let me be the one to say
am yours forever.

am cold,so very cold
only you can warm my bones
take my hand and say
it's okay to feel lost and alone
am here for you always.

I want to look into your heart
And find myself
Nestled in a corner
Wrapped around all the space
lingering with a warmth
Vibrating with life.
Taking tours to the mind
Totally at home with you
When you love me.

I would call you up
Just to hear your voice.
Snuggle closer as you sleep.
Hug you for no apparent reason
take long walks hand in hand
Give you all my love
Make you happy.

In the night as you sleep,
I miss you and your touch.
Its so lonely without you here.
I have to face my fear of being alone.
You text me throughout the day,
When happy, sad or stressed.
You instinctively run to me,
And that warms my heart.
You're the one I think of,
Each minute and hour.
Am falling in love with you.
I need you to stay.

I watched you laugh
and realised you were happy
in your new role with another script
you didn't need me there
to peer over your shoulder
Keep you safe
guide your steps.

You are someone else's pair
joined at the hip
Creating a life together
one I can't share.
Doesn't matter that
I had you first
All that's left is memories.

You were my inspiration
my only reason
Still trying to forget you
Haunting my waking moments
I need to find who I was
Find a life of my own.
You're not here,
You're already gone.

In a life that's full
There are still gaps
Of the missing things.
A little bit of everything
Seems to make a whole
But all the pieces aren't complete
in comes the duct and glue
To fit shards together
but even on the surface
it will never fit together perfectly.

You gave me your hand
Reached out with your fingers
And led me on.
All the way and beyond
through friendship and more
Then abandoned ship
left me to set the sails
I thought you were below deck
But you had dived overboard
Into the turbulent sea waters
rather than sail with me.

You broke my heart
cut my chest open
Grabbed my heart and squeezed
the love and life out.
And now it can't beat
enough to keep me warm.
I shiver from the memories
Of the destruction you wrought
but mostly am alone.

You are the need that echoes back to me.

I keep watching you with her
Fingers entwined intimately
In the way that lovers do.
Completing each others lines
It makes me yearn for you
In ways I thought I was over
To feel your arms on me
Your lips covering me in kisses
your loving embrace once more
We gave all that up before
when it wasn't working for us
Now I think we were hasty
I still love you, you know.
I want you to come back
into my loving arms.

I should have walked away
Before I was ensnared
In your thickly woven spell
strong and bewitching.
However much I try to leave
all paths lead back to you
Tightly coiled circles
Confusing mazes
I am lost at your centre
You seem to have no room
For my pathetic addiction
I need you so bad
But you despise that
I must have been trapped
In a glass jar.

No, no, no
Don't be gone.
Not now when i need you
More than i ever did before.
You can't be gone ,
When just a moment ago you were here.
Young and full of life.
I never got to say goodbye.
There wasn't a warning.
I woke up to find you gone.
I slept over and over again,
Hoping that the next time i awoke
You would be watching me ,
With that smile on your face.
Instead i torture myself,
With what ifs and what nots.
Sometimes all you need is hope
That its not over.
To keep it all together.

There's a hollow in my chest from where my heart used to be.
An aching emptiness where you curled up and filled me.
You got up and took my heart with you.
Now I long to feel its beat against your chest as you kiss me.
Won't you kiss me one more time?
I want to feel the fire spread from my lips to my toes.
I want to press my body to yours.
I want to make you love me.
Will you love me?

I know am broken
A little bit
A heck of a lot.
I know i am
I feel the pain
Building into a crescendo.
Needles drawing out threads
As i unfurl into folds
Trying to breathe
Pushing back the tears.
Why must i hurt this way?
Aching to my very soul.
I can't sleep as i think of what i don't have
I can't feel from trying to block out the pain
I am alone and empty.
Dying everytime i breathe
As waves of pain engulf me
Numbing me to the core.

Is love the ache I get when you're far away?
The smile that breaks upon my face when I catch
you looking at me.
The urge I get to kiss you when you meet my eye and catch your teeth between your lips.
I want to love you with my eyes, lips, body and soul.
Love you so you forget everyone that loved you before.
Take you on a trip you won't forget and tell you this is it, the beginning of forever.
To wake up next to you and watch you sleep.
To hold your hand when we have nothing to say and its enough.
I want to be with you everyday and know that I chose to be here.

Somehow it hurts so much,
To breathe.
To think.
To live.
You took the parts that were mine and corrupted them.
Everypart protests at having to work without you.
Each minute drags as though gasping for a fresh start.
I miss you.
From when i wake.
Every hour my eyes stay apart.
I miss your smile, your touch.
It hurts more than i ever imagined.
Somehow i lived before you,
But now i cant remember how to.
I need you yet i pushed you away.
You were dredging the last bits of my sanity out.
I need to find a part of me you didnt take.
I wish i could unlove you and forget giving myself to you.
It has been my undoing.
And now i am sinking in the abyss of your absence.
You broke me.
The tiny parts you linked together.
Now all that's left are regrets that masquerade as my life.

If only I could close my eyes
Wish this all away
I would close my eyes
And just start over
have a new life
With a little less stress
Love what I do
And live life different
please only myself
It's too short to come last
Too hard to not take it easy
Too wrong to not be right.

I saw my dreams in the cradle
strength in the wood
Nostalgia in the chimes
Whimsy in the light.
I was little, I was alive.

I remember falling in love
It was magical,
It was quick,
I was helpless.
You blew me away
Like a storm on a dark cloud
I was lost from the start.
Like a little wandering child.
I don't remember falling out
It was slow and gradual,
Maybe the jealousy
Or the way you didn't care
But either way I lost it.
The desire to be with you
It's truely gone
You weren't who I wanted
You changed too much.

Kiss me
When you see me looking forlorn
Cause I miss you so much.
Write me
Long old-fashioned letters
Full of sweet nothing's
All I want in the end
Is you here with me.

Am at that point where you see
Everything is not as it seems
things that used to be fun
Aren't as good as they were.
Even fun might be spelt fan.

All this time I have been here
Right next to you.
Lying by your side
Watching you sleep.
you seem to be happy
in the land of no troubles.
If only you could be
This happy when awake.
In the place where you choose
To make your dreams come true.
you watched me cry
Held my hand
Told me you would be here.
Sometimes am with you
But your heart isn't in it
We are miles apart.
And yet am with you.

I don't remember leaving my story.
I woke up and I was a part of yours.
I thought we could share space,
Co exist in love and harmony.
For a while you smiled,
The pied piper smile that led me by string into your life.
I was happy and carefree.
Throwing away my worries and pain.
Somehow I gave up pieces of me,
So you and I could fit better together.
I lie around waiting for a hug,
It's the only way I come alive.
Even though you wrote me out,
I keep waiting here for you,
To remind me what it's like,
To live, love and smile.
Sometimes you come alive for me.

Have you ever been disappointed?
Like really utterly surprised
By this person you love.
They steal your heart
Build dreams with you
Make you believe it's perfect
You found everything you want
They seem too good to be true.

Have you ever been confused?
So utterly confused
Questioning yourself
about choices you have made.
Why you were so gullible
Letting someone break you
When you love someone
Should you give them everything?
or hold some part back?
knowing you will be hurt.

He weaves a web with his words
Somehow, am caught between here and there
The distance doesn't matter,
Not as long as he writes.
And I am enthralled, captivated,
If only for a while.
I long to look upon his face,
Listen as he speaks of what he feels,
I want him to reach out to me,
And ask me to stay.

I have always been her
That girl
the one that draws attention
Artistically, intrinsically
you just have to see her.
Everything you have dreamed
and yet nothing like she seems
She is surreal and yet real.

And now
That was then, before
now there is another girl
Whom all girls watch with green
guys strive to impress
She has charisma and poise
Elegance and pride
She is the new me
A better improved version.

hiding what I feel isn't working
cant have you when i need you
all I see is you
in the air,in the night
I want a hug ,I want you
to tell me it will be ok.
that it was a mistake
that you want this too.
don't break me
you know i want you
wish you could let me
show you how great it is.

I always take it for granted
That you walk me home
When I come to see you.
That five minute walk
where we say things
hitherto left unsaid
Squeeze as many memories
As possibly can fit
Into the slow paced steps
Often hand in hand.
I never think about the return
You walk all the way back
Alone.
With nothing but yourself
For company.
I wonder if you think of me then.

Today I stand at the brink
With nothing but my ink.
And peer down at the masses
Doing all forms of dances.
Swarming as they  wait
For the actual date.
For me to reach my peak.
Something that kept them meek
One day they will believe
After putting me through the sieve
that I will become greatness.

Your silence drowns out my thoughts,
Your voice louder than the echoes of loneliness.
Your words overwhelm my mute resolve,
I hold on to nothing that suddenly seems like everything.
You push me further away,
Beyond your circle where I once had a special place.
The space you once occupied is empty,
And yet memories of your gestures hover in mid-air.
You changing your mind,
You walking away.
You didn't say goodbye.

You just lost the best thing you ever had and you
don't even know it.
I hope it hurts you every moment of everyday.
A numb inescapabale pain.
I want it to keep you up with what ifs and maybes late at night.
It should crawl under the covers with you and settle like a dead weight on your chest.
See I loved you with every piece of my heart.
You took all that as your due.
I could have done less but I gave you more,
Thinking you needed me too.
Am sorry that I gave you the best years of my life.
Even more sorry that I loved you.
That was my greatest mistake.
Loving someone who didn't need to be loved.

Am afraid of the dark
I guess it's the monsters
That peer in the dark
And ****** the innocence
Of the waking souls.
I don't want to sleep
Because I don't want to dream
The haunted vicious kind
Running from something
I can't even see
Feeling it gaining on me
Losing options to escape
From the snaring beast
I want a fear free night
From beasts and nightmares
All I want is light in the dark.

Of all the things I gave up
You hurt the most.
I needed you day by day
You were my walking cane
Helped me through each step.

But you threw it all away
Stopped caring for me.
For how was I to know
Your interest had waned?
You couldn't tell me to my face.

If you do love me
How is it that you hurt me
Time and time again?
It's like you don't care
About my needs and pain.

And so I set you free
You don't owe me anything
If you have somewhere to be,
Go.
Just stop breaking my heart
I deserve better.