to the little bird on the side of the road
i’m sorry i crushed you to bits.
i thought you were just so pretty
that i held you in my soft palms
and crushed you
until my hands were stained with red.

to my friend with the little black curls
i’m sorry i gouged your eyes out.
you see, i thought that i could get lost in them
and since i wanted to remain focused
i dug my nails into those sockets
and ripped them out.

to myself, as i write this,
i’m sorry i tore my heart out.
it was beating far too fast
beating far too lovely
and i left a hole in my chest
because i love myself.

to a name i refuse to say ,
i’m sorry you hurt me.
i’m sorry i hurt you, i mean
you left me… untouched
but since i loved you, loved you so very much
i let you go.

The whole world was gray
November’s first snowy day
Not a single winter racquet

And in the midst of the white
And the foggiest sight
I saw a man in a dark blue jacket.

I’d seen him before
And that I swore
As he was a classmate of mine

In past Fall’s red hue
I remember seeing the blue
Of the man’s dark jacket’s shine

i always saw him in the hall
he wasn’t particularly tall
but wherever i was, he was too

and when i saw him at lunch
my friend told me his hunch:
“i think that blue jacket man might like you”

i admired the admiration
but felt no butterfly-in-stomach sensation
so maybe i had to go and pack it

then the following saturday
when from my classes i was away
i saw the man in the dark blue jacket

he had tried to sit next to me in class
and i told my friends to ask
if i could sit further away from the bloke

in the corners of my eye he was there
How much longer could I bear?
the bare blue of his deep colored coat

so when i was walking home one afternoon
i hadn’t tried to get home too soon
The days only becoming hazier

The winds were speeding fast
A man behind me tried to walk past
I saw the dark blue of his blazer.

he turned to look at me
stopped, starred to see
and began to walk slowly behind

i started sprinting to my abode
snow now down rode
the blue jacket man on my mind

his pace sped up too
and if only i knew
how no one would believe me

was he stalking?
should i start talking?
the blue jacket man’s spree

So I didn’t tell them the truth
I knew their words wouldn’t soothe
His eyes always on me

In the park he was there
Lurking like a ******* nightmare
His aura seemed aquamarine-y

I see him in my room
I know I shouldn’t assume
That that blue jacket is his

How is he everywhere?
You gave me a scare
Now go back to your biz !

He is in my screams.
He is in my dreams.
Blue jacket man, get out!

He is in my eyes
He is in my lies
Flow out with the water spout

He is in my lungs
I’m speaking in tongues
And as my eyes begin to fade

I see a smearing blue
Across my vacant view
That jacket of his facade

That dark blue.
Blue.
blue.

Twisting, tingling, spinning water
Rushing past to **** the old man's daughter

Glaring, entrancing, burning fire
Scorching the skin of priest o' sire

Twirling, whirling, spinning air
Leaving man's house behind with only a scare

Crushing, rumbling, shaking earthquake
That is how 782 families had to wake

The screams from the thunder storm
Were heard all throughout town
And that kind woman went to take her children inside
When a lightning strike came crashing down

I had always been so sure
That nothing like that could happen to me
Until one day while on a sandy beach
I saw a tsunami coming from the sea

Can you see the soil softly shake
As the once-dead zombies burst from it?
They're being revived,
Though they were left to die and decay.
The ice is melting,
And the heat is increasing
Into a blinding fire.
When I finally felt free,
The dead seeds I planted months, years ago
Are slowly sprouting. (A miracle? A curse?)
The world is repeating,
Like they told me it would.
I'm terrified.
The scenes I have escaped
Are creeping around the corner,
Like now-alive zombies.
The memories that I threw to the snow,
They are beginning to grow,
Like flowers in Antarctica.

The way others view me,
Their theories are all incorrect,
But I don't know how to crack my own egg shell,
Show them what my soul shows me.
My heart and mind do not line up.
I yearn for things that did me wrong.
Laziness floods my habits and goals,
Until I drown in unsuccess.
I return to the places of my past
And to their people when I feel aloof.
It's weird to think that my friends barely know me,
And the butcher knows me best.

Dear Dreamer,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that no one loved you the way you loved them.
I'm sorry no one stood up for you when you needed it, like how you did for them. He never got the prison sentence he deserved.
He never moved on from you. He knew he could never replace you, and yet he hurt you, and I apologize.
They never reciprocated their feelings, even after you poured your heart into them.

I'm sorry that you recognized their footsteps and had to live in fear.
They didn't fight for you when you needed it, but blamed you, and for that, I'm sorry.
They told you that you were the "troublemaker" and the "angry daughter", but why were you angry?
I'm sorry that they crushed your dreams, Dreamer.

I'm sorry that you had to leave.
I'm sorry that they talked about you behind your back, insulting your name.
They destroyed everything you've ever touched and spread nasty lies about you.
I'm sorry that they altered the truth, the same truth you wished people had heard.

I'm sorry that they had tried to crush the hope and heartbeat of a child.
They turned your blazing fire into a simmering ash, and it was almost fully diminished.
But you kept it burning nonetheless, and you kept dreaming.
So though I am sorry that I wasn't always there, I was always hopeful.
Keep dreaming, My Dreamer.

Best Regards,
You <3

Why can't you see how bad he can be?
Earlier, he was obviously jealous of you and me

You told me how he had hurt you
You're covering the pain in a fake yellow hue

I try to tell you to please understand
But now it seems my opinions are banned

And I know I shouldn't care, he is your guy
But if you don't listen, I might have to say "bye"

I'm looking for light in your never-ending void
But there's nothing left that you haven't destroyed

So I yell and shout just so you can finally see
That this boy and you, were never meant to be

I make my way among a mighty castle, but to everyone else that is merely ruins. The rubble covers the earth surface, but I pick it up and begin to build anew. The others just watch, fascinated by sight, to build a grave into a ceremony of life. They say their time has frozen in place, but I know it will move eternally. As I lay the bricks, one by one, a new story will start to write, for only the authors who let it be that way, and yet I’ll never realize that my new chapter of life has started, and they’re writing their final sentence. Still building this castle, one by one, but the debris still infects the Earth, when suddenly a thought comes to mind. It darkens and swallows the life. I sink to my knees, drowning in fear, as dark clouds gaze from heaven. I’ll never finish this castle. Humanity will never survive. They’ll slowly fade away, never to be remembered again I’ll never finish this castle, if nobody is here to share the memory.

I walked from place to place
Never leaving behind a trace

There's so many people I've left behind
To carry on, no matter how kind

Some things were harder to let go of
Maybe because some just had a stronger love

I've seen the most beautiful places
Befriended the kindest faces

And I've learned so much about myself too
Me leaving is something we never knew

It's for the better, at least I hope
Maybe this is just how I cope?

I'm sorry, I must go
I just wanted to let you know

I'll travel to where my heart can't feel pain
I'll leave you just to make me feel sane

My heart has belonged to many places throughout time
But with no home that I could call mine

A cemetery filled with tombstones everywhere
Even though their lives never existed
And she wrote their lives to be a never-ending tragedy
And maybe it would've changed if they coexisted

They went on so many adventures in her mind
Even if it was just to escape reality
And she then began to lose track of time
Lost in her own mentality

She erased their stories as she got older
But never against her they rioted
And no one could ever scold her
Because they had been quieted

But she still grieved when she thought about them
And she cried over their non-existent tombs
And she wondered what they could have become
If she let them live for infinite moons

If you look closely into the late night
You can see a girl holding a rose of fiction
And if you look deeper, you can see she might
Put it on a grave with no inscription

For bloodlines are linked only by blood
My emotions come out in a drowning flood

We only share a last name
For all these years I’ve fallen fool to your game

No remorse to the ones with the worse
Only greed and fame, it’ll always be the same

We are linked not by love anymore
The stress laid down is like an aching sore

I’ll no longer be trapped in your thickening mud
For bloodlines are linked only by blood

Oh, how I dreamed of those firefly nights
And our playful games and fights
With the setting of the sun, through the fields we'd run

I remember those memories vividly
But they can no longer be
They are now owned by the past and can no longer last

And now me and my friends have grown up
Yet I still feel stuck
To go back, I yearn, just to return

And one day I was granted a wish
Then with a pop and a swish
I returned to what was mine, I traveled back in time

I returned to that firefly night
But nobody was in sight
They all moved on, they all were gone

They all grew up from day to day
And not even time was there to stay
And I was forever alone in the place I used to call home

When you said we were over
I thought I'd remain as your friend
But you said nothing more
So I knew this had to end

You said it wasn't my fault we broke up
But the next day you removed me from a group chat
And I can't understand why you're gone
But I guess that is that

And I got so angry
I completely removed you from my life
I couldn't bear the pain anymore
So I cut you out of my heart with a knife

But I still felt bad because I'd loved you so
So I told you goodbye
And I had a dream you'd chase after me
But you didn't even reply

I hope I haunt your house, you see me everywhere
You hear me cry as you open the doors
And yes, you're the worst right now, but I still wish you happiness
Because I had once been yours.

I feel how I believe an apple with worms must feel. I am aware of my desire to ripen and be eaten, and I am also aware of the *****, crawling creatures inside of me. I will be cut open, and they will see the dirt brown rotting of my core. It is a tragedy that I could've been like those sweet, red apples, and it is a tragedy that I never could've been like them as well.

A group of thieves found a thriving tree
So they dug it up, then all went to see

The tree had grown from roots of pain
So they were confused on why this tree was sane

Then one realized the tree was made from healing
The guilt it hid over the years was now revealing

The tree started to wilt, slowly dying
They heard the tree’s screams, even its crying

For the tree hid everything to protect its health
It was just not happy for its life and wealth

The thieves felt bad and ran away
Even if the tree would still decay

They knew that tree was once their own
The one that they had used and thrown

But they were not thieves of objects, even if they could
They were the thieves if my innocent childhood

I've heard many people ponder on the power of words
But to me they only hold little strength
They're like tree roots that can't reach deep at all
Or a winged angel with no rank

Maybe they're powerful when other people write them
Maybe their word choice is more precise
But if so, then I don't believe words
Should have a certain chance of being strong, just a rolling of a dice

But this shouldn't bother me, it's my fault for choosing weak words
But I could never find a word that surely wouldn't make my mind melt
Oh, but if I wrote just a little bit better
You could truly feel what I've felt.

They determine our strength with no brains
We get our brains with the lack of strength
To find balance in this life is unobtainable
Unless you are the propaganda itself

With tests, they see how smart we are
With miles, they see how far we run
Run, run away from it all
But you won't get anywhere

They reward us with worthless prizes
They drown us in our unfamiliar seas
They overwork us with all we know
Is the haunting propaganda outside?

Propaganda. Manipulates us all
To believe it is utterly flawless
Flawless, you must be flawless
Flaws show ugliness and mistakes

Mistakes? There are no mistakes
When you are talking about propaganda

I've paid the price, I've sacrificed
Everything to know I'm fighting for the wrong side
You ignited a spark with your deceitful tricks
And I'm left alone with a flaming phoenix
I thought she was hunting me, I'd seen the signs
The glass breaking, and the crowd didn't see
I've been on the wrong side of the lines
Those warnings were coming from me
I feel betrayed, but I stayed, I felt pity for you
Didn't mean to make this start, oh, what could I do?
Pure cranes that once flew in my dreams
Their wings are blooded from you
I have not spent months of recovering
To be treated this way
No more children I'll be mothering
No longer will I stay
I'm disappointed in all people
For you being so deceitful
For all your misleading lies
And I still have to look into your eyes
I'm just surprised that you could be
So confident in the ability to mislead me
The little spark you've created
It has now turned into a flaming lion
If your lies, you'll continue to tell
It'll burn your soul down, and truth as well.

The king sat upon his throne
Announcing ideas in the gentlest of tone

The people disagreed, and they fought back
But aggression was something the king had lacked

They rioted with pitchforks and torches
The king saw them yell out each night on their porches

And eventually, they set the castle ablaze
The king fled without even being fazed

He found the kindest people under the trees
The opportunity to build a new kingdom he had to seize

The palace could prosper with the right support
Unlike the old one, which could only distort

So he built with the people, leaving his mark
Until his eyesight started to go dark

He woke up in his old, burning palace again
Surrounding by the sound of illogical, angry men

He realized his prosperous castle was only a desire
“It was merely a dream,” he thought, as his skin lit on fire.

She is a medicine that I must take in small doses.
A prescription that I've hated the taste of since I started it years ago.
I can't stop taking it now, we've gone so far together,
And I don't want to cause any issues.
If I take my medicine more often than usual,
She will give me stomach aches.
I hate the taste of my medicine,
But if I take it every once in a while, it's tolerable, and I don't mind it.
Then I think about the fact that I'm taking medicine,
And my body aches once more.
If I don't take it, I'm full of guilt.
If I do take it, I'm full of pain.
She is a prescription that will pain me forever

Did it all mean nothing, just wasted my time?
Was it all worth something, something I claimed mine?

The people I’ve met and the journey I’ve been on
Did the friendship really set, from dusk till  dawn?

From setting off fireworks on top of the school,
To happily acting like a fool,

From what I’ve learned and to I’ve bought,
There’s been a growing guilt which I have fought

What did she mean when she said, “The dark side of this place”?
What will, in the future, will I face?

Helped others but still felt the presence of wrath,
How do I know that I’m on the right path?

In the past I knew it was the eye of the storm
“I’ll find out the unknown,” I have sworn.

As learning is the only thing I find entertaining,
But in terms of my enemy, reality, there’s nothing I’m gaining

So, I look back into the past, scavenging for advice,
I hope in the future I’ll learn to think twice.

i was “born” without lungs
gasping for air
and while they grieved for me
i pushed air throughout my body.

june 20, 2024, 6pm.
you did the bare minimum
and i have been obsessed with you.
months. you, of all people.
and when i have told my friends they said
“him, of all people?”

april 29, 2025 and many days before that
my friends called me a *****.
that word is red and bold and ****** and italic and underlined and highlighted and- *****.
im 14.?
to all the mothers out there- god(?) bless your hearts,
how would you imagine
your daughter
a *****? (i know im not, but what am i if not society’s opinions?)

…November (?) 2021 until now (every moment every second of my waking and sleeping being)
i think about it.
i think about him.
he should be in jail
and he probably has a girlfriend
a wife
kids
by now.
i’ll never forget what that “man” ( if you can even call him that ) did to me
and i wonder if i told my friends
*****-callers!
what he did to me
i wonder what their faces would say
i want to see them shocked and cry and apologize for calling me a ***** (because i am not a ******* *****!!)

…the things which i held in my palm
as a young child (was i a ***** then, did i come out of the womb “asking for it?”)
always seemed so large
but they are specks of sparkling stardust in my hands now
they seem so small. (were they always?)

I AM SICK AND TIRED (only a ***** would be tired) OF EVERYONE ELSE GETTING WHATEVER THE **** THEY WANT BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS DETERMINED THAT THEY DESERVE THAT.
i wonder how many of our lives are determined by how others think of us
i wonder how many of us are others
society is not a singular being but something that is inside all of us
we are all society
(so you can all be ****** too.)
(or maybe just me.)
(just me.)
(me.)
-

-a something-year-old *****.

She wrote their stories, with every detail
And took all their control away
And she knew what this could never entail
A puppeteer dancing with her puppet's sway

But don't see her as badly
This is just her mind of fiction
And the feeling that nobody could riot against her turned her madly
Which then led to the graves of inscription

And one day she met a boy
And loved him so much, she didn't control him
Until one day he rioted against her, like she was a toy
When she thought she could finally win

And she didn't know what to do, so she just wrote
And added random things for dramatic effect
And it wasn't her trying to gloat
But you can't think after you've wept

And just like all her other characters
She erased him from her mind
She couldn't handle any more pain
Even after she had been so kind
And she thought she knew him so clearly
But turns out, she was blind.

Everyday, I stand by the port
And wait for the boats to come in
And everyday, when the ship arrives
Not a single person gets off

At least not for me they don't
They run up to their friends
Kiss their lovers hello
Running on the dock with suitcases

They stare at me as they walk past
Only one there with no one to welcome
I feel them staring when I'm not looking
I wish they would stop staring.

Everyday, I stand by the port
Waiting for my sailor to come home
But my sailor never leaves the boat
Please, come home.

It was a hot summer day
And I asked what your favorite season was
You said it was winter, you loved the snow
And that if there was a blizzard, we'd both go

So we came up with a plan
When the winter solstice took place
We'd go out into the snow
And we'd talk in the flurries and so

I waited for the winter solstice
And when it came, a blizzard did too
And I ran into a snow-covered field alone
The cold wind chilling me to the bone

I waited for you to come
And I waited for hours on end
And while my teeth chattered, and my hands turned blue
My heart warmed just thinking about you

And I waited until the disappearance of the sun
When I finally realized you weren't gonna come
But it was too late, the cold had touched my heart
And it stopped and would never again start