Nothing to say


Terrible

Pain.

Words. Block. Words. I write. Now I go.    Back to the drawer. Sit down stand up.   Hush hush,  roses for a corpse. You peel me back,  and wash me away.   No one remembers.  Another line to cross . Erase. Fade.  Stay.  strain

I need time away
, I need seconds to breathe,  I need crumbs to which I can count my scraps. I need poison to drink wine,
I need to feel your tight holes as I relax in my studio.
When I feel music,  I see trees.  I cut Down mountains because the babies keep crying.
If you get pregnant, my lips will turn tangerine. I have no fathers left,  just tears of pride. Seconds don't count now,  I'm all
ash

I just want a simple life  I don't need grandeur
If my dreams happen or don't, so be it.  No difference when you can't even enjoy the moment.
I just want peace of mind,  a sound mind. I don't need dreams.  I need reality.  I need a firm grasp of my surroundings. I need a bigger hole to jump in. I need a bigger flame to burn my delusions.  I can lay amongst the ash, I have friends somewhere

Hyperbole though I manage and the left ear firmly bandaged, I
Squint towards the sun as he speaks now
"  abyss follows",
My hands tied tight what did the fainting man see, something behind the tide. I wish you paid more mind , I wish you showed up on time, what did it take to be so famished
   PIECES.

I see you now like doves disintegrating. I see the exit painted red as you decay among the chalk. I kiss the cherried hand and bloodied nose.
What was wrapped up bled along with the sheets and burned in the crucifix. What statyed strong ran amok. What buried lies amassed truth in this realm, so the carcass wouldn't spit. I fed it a numb plum.  Please don't despair. Hiatus only meant a long break,  and how long it truly is  especially today when the larvae cry for you

Next to her breathing
A stranger in this life
So little to hold on to,  I hear the bells ringing across sullen plains
Nothing to lose, abiding with time
I scratch your back because you scratch mine
Barely human, updated hardware, software clinical ,
I wrap my cold hands around you.
Warmth which dissipa t e s and love which slowly dies

.

Don't believe in god because I've seen enough suffering
I die on a daily basis
Anxiety is death of self,
Suffocating whilst breathing, my eyes whiten and my cheeks turn ashen, my tongue swells and my heart pulses along while the beat of existence draws to a stop
   In a cafe, or in a car,  in the bed of my loved one I ask to die.
I  feel it all crumbling away,  I see the petals before they've withered.
I  see the grave as the body rots  in silence. I see the baby condemned  from its first breath.
The earth spins closer to the sun. The twilight gives way to dusk. No man's hour and it's so so lonely

You're my future wife
You're my girl.
I hold your hand
I kiss you
I bite your lip and kiss your nose
I nuzzle your breast and massage your feet
I caress your *****
I rub your back
I talk to you
I watch movies with you
I laugh with you and tease you, and you me
I make you angry and I make you sad
I make you cry
I kiss your neck
I wipe your tears
I embrace you and kiss your smile
I walk with you
Hand in hand
I see you in my dreams
I think of you constantly
I put my faith in you when I had none
I give you my time,  and my love,  and my best efforts
I want you
And I need you
But I don't own you
You were borrowed and I hope they forget.
The universe has collected enough
debts.
Just let me have
     this

Don't know what to say
These words are hollow, collapsing in on me.

I see a truncated face and wrinkled fingers which wipe away tears.
Acid bath,
Pig stain.
**** what doesn't scream back, the bag won't tighten over shrunken heads.
I hate this life,  because I always get cheated,

Cheated out of living.   Only pins in these eyes. And I smile

brain of mush
     scrambled words and half formulated thoughts, uninspired,   like factory work

brain of mush, of
pudding, cold soup. I ride along the road, so many thoughts and half heartless. I'll leave you because I hurt myself.
You knew this,  you were comfort I didn't deserve.
So I throw it away.
I'm dumb. Brain of mush, soul already crushed. I'll miss your eyes though,  beautiful girl,  and your sweetness as I make my place somewhere far, and lost in the pages,  where no one bothers to read  

Some days are harder,  some don't get started
Some get sawed in half and others vanish in thin air
Sometimes I talk too much,  sometimes I listen too little
Sometimes I drive myself nuts,  sometimes I **** what's left by pretending I'm ok and making improvement.
I'm manic and
all over the place so i watch out for the road but sometimes prefer the cliff and its ideations. To whom that may concern I don't know.  I just write it down and crawl towards the light in hopeful submission

Ohhh
too sensitive.

I'm depressed and get told to cut my wrists. That hurt because I have.
I need to stop being an idealist ,
Maybe I thrive on pain but it gets a little old.  I just wanna drift by on good vibes.
Tired of the suspense
I don't need the suprises. Give Me the shot to numb, and in the morning recall your life.  Not a test, just a sad dream

Zzzzzzzz

Bought a gun so i know where my sanity lies

You can pass all the laws you like
But I still have it

I am mentally ill and i laugh at you.  Try to take it.  Loaded and ready but now I sleep. tomorrow the toast might be stale but not the coffee.
**** this country and *******.

All roots were torn,  we're a nation of insects. Made in China. Fill our hearts with plastic

I see stars i see
Blackness
I see bitter lines and folded dreams
I see promises kept and promises
Broken
I see dirt roads and paper
Highways
I see plasticine smiles and liquid metal
hearts
I see tears in rain
And fiery baptisms
I see cataclysm lullabies and tired punched out
Laughter
Waiting in gutters for two cent coffee and divorce lawyers to **** my ***
I see wallpaper liars and tombstones filled with kings

I sit along this street and look up to the faint glow
Never expected nothing so it never hurt to lose

Lose
Lose


Lost

I cherish you,  I adore you.  I kiss you. I kiss your feets and your neck and your perfect lips.  Your cute nose and ears. I **** on your tongue and bite your cheek. We watch ****** Netflix shows and laugh at eachother's lame jokes because the sound is so joyous and exciting.  We ride blasting death metal and sharing cigs as I reach into your pants and rub you. Your heavy breaths making me excited. We kiss some more. We can't stop, compelled to kiss until the night becomes dawn. I never could have dreamt of this.  I never imagined. Love doesn't need drama it needs better actors

Cut out my heart and fill it mangos
Cut off my tongue and fill it with sugar
Cut off my **** and replace it with  teddybears eyes
Fill my guts with gummys and cotton candy
Bleach my hair
Indigo
And pink
Let me laugh maniacly I don't care.  Now there is no pain but I'm still weary.
I just enjoy the moment.  It's sweet as can be and hopefully never sour , with
you I don't wanna die

Something I've learned about women that never occurred to me in my years of resentment and frustration was that to be attractive to them I didn't have to do anything out of the ordinary.
I didn't need to be the most handsome, or the strongest or prettiest or smartest and most cultured and richest and most talented and sauve.
I just had to be there any second they needed me.
The second the phone buzzed, there. But not myself showing any neediness.  You don't need as a man, you give to your woman.
So that's what I did.  Gave my FULL attention.  Gave my time which is more precious than any other commodity. Devotion.  Cooked for her and showed her the town. And now she won't stop texting me and does anything I suggest. I put in the work, i didn't play hard to get. I let her have it and it was so easy afterwards.
If my teenage self knew this It'd be a different story. I kept trying to change myself when I was good enough.  Any man is good enough,  if you just make her feel important and
Give. Less of yourself,  more to her

Years go by  and new birds learn to fly
I saw you the other day
in a silver dress, and painted nails
Time flies when you're alone, painful but something that you barely recollect

Shooting a can and washing a dish the TV talks to me and says go away,
Go away

I hope your dogs got fed and thanks for showing me the sugarglider,  never seen one.  Smuggled from Peru.
God look up,  child be still, someone is trying to disappear what a trick
I still laugh. It's funny
to
me.  especially now

I want the worst for myself but not in a masochistic way relating to anything foul or ******.
I just want to be obliterated. I won't take **** from anyone and have honor and pride in most petty affairs but still at the end of the day wish I was run over by a truck and my brain was flattened.
****** analyze that.  Low self esteem,  but prideful and borderline arrogant otherwise.
I think I'm just depressed , so I sleep.
Sleep away

Sick of this suffering there is no respite.
In my head is a battlezone and nowhere to rest
I walk up and down the hall, maybe a chemical imbalance? But I take every hardship as something to endure for the sake of glory.
The pills would numb me,  but not to the realities of this plane of torment.
I would always know whilst sitting in my docile state that I gave in, and there could be nothing worse.
Even now I'm tormenting myself when most would readily accept help.
Hatred is what I feel, and it sustains when nothing else could. I feel no pain when I'm angry,  just a calm in knowing I'm still alive,  I'm not dead yet.
Or at least haven't been snuffed out. But the time will soon come.  When the echoes  stop repeating and it's the still bleating of an empty void. I don't know

The shine wore off so who sees me now.
The rag lines the gutter and the dog ***** on a mushroom, I kick some dirt.

Wow its cold and frosty now so I can run around the block

Wow I see Oldman nibba suckling on a pear
"Sup nibba"
His neck bounces with ease.


I put a sandal on a padlock and crush the skull of a transient, had no name,  no residence bleeding. I feel the wine now. Shapeless. Who's fault was it.

Now you see,  now you see,  there are only 2 eyes and not enough time to dream. So throw it away or don't.  I don't care. I'm still locked away in this den nestled among scraps of ****

Everyone looks the same afraid of judgement, afraid of criticism.
The same tattoos and placement and the same piercings and the same haircut and manner of speech and musical taste and the same sense of outrage and political persuasion, whether left, right or moderate. But they may as well be interchangeable when it concerns ad revenue; there's something they can sell you.
Just tired of being a part of this microcosm of bugs. I don't relate to you and likely hate you,
I want to be left alone but I also want to be understood,  somewhat

88

Time will let me down the mosquito ***** its nectar
I await with pale hands and balloon strewn nooses, hopeful but not naíve.
If I was to fall now it would be to my feet. She smiles,  as she's supposed to.  What a life

Im going to go upstairs and beat the **** out of the **** blasting his trash and cut out his eyeballs and his heart.
******* loser holding me hostage.
I'll pry you open with a sickle and feed your guts to my iguana you ******* vermin and on a full moon too?
Tomorrow im blasting Hungarian rhapsody.
And I could shoot you but it's too merciful and bullets too costly. Good night my love

Head is racing,  and my body is static. The room is dead and dull. I hear bass thumping from a special.
Hot lamp trickling with tar.
No one to talk with; I forget what that's like.  People just talk?

I wish I was erased, and I wish no ill will to anyone.
A dumb bewildered ape staring at a monolith. No text,  but infinite wisdom.  It only said nothing and that was too much

Sick in so many ways
  Everything hurts in one way or another
And it used to be humanity's only concern was eating and breeding,  now it's wondering whether you're even alive

I spit at the creator,
   I call out my own name.  More complaints, but that's all we can do whilst we struggle to die

Hp Lovecraft cat had a funny name.
I still need to read his volumes.
They sit on a shelf in the kitchen.
I write bad poetry.
I was awake all night
My eyes burn  like heat. My retinas are withered.
To sleep I go.  To bed i Make my home.  I curl up with my oversized pillow, made of foam. The lizards need their adrenochrome

Had Ramen at 2 in the morning and overdosed on iron
No joke went to the hospital and was flushed out.  Prescribed stool softener and antacids,
Sat in the gown and watched the light with a ***** in my arm. Irradiated light blasted my belly, an xray of a hoof. I drank a throat number and spat out pellets then was pushed around in a chair by a fine Latina. Then pushed in the cold. I still wear my bracelet and walked to the car. An emergency was the run over drunk on the road with its brain pushed in. I blasted Sigur ros and Celtic frost . Then the sun rose like a rose.

******* is what life is about. Splatters. Humor.  Who gives a ****.
Reinhardt
Black.
Rothko pastel majesty .
Ambiguous, neurotic yet disciplined .
Like a blind horse let loose among the plains. No rider to be found

No ****** and taming
No collars among beasts.

Wide space, wide flowing air.  Galloping and triumphant while the weeds bend against the might

Sit and watch a video in a cold room
I make food and sit
I watch   a  show it amuses me
SHOW ends
I splash water
And slash my arm. Walk the bug
Walk the dog.
Sit in position
Tape off
****
Now food and water empty finish and green jelly. Weights and some slice. My dead mother calls from across town. I can't pick up
Meanwhile the clock runs empty.  Shut eye then work. Get to work and be bashful. Put your **** in a vice grip and squash your humanity. roses in your hair. So beautiful I kiss your eyes and tuck you in.  Asleep like a baby and close the doors. They won't get you tonight if you beg.
Beg



Beg
Beg for your life you give in

Feel so dead inside I can't feel my hands

Can't see a reflection
see empty air behind a glass pane

So dead inside I've forgotten my name or the meaning

Can only ***** in a gutter, wanna cry but for what
Count to eternity until I'm found,  lost and found spinning around in madness
Who was I, and why does it hurt so much but still feel like nothing.

.
.











***,,,*,

Feel like I'm floating. People talk but I don't really hear. Bought a cat cause I'm lonely but now I despise it because it needs.

Windows have frost, maybe vitamin deficient. Jack it to memories of a faceless  beauty on a night that cared so long ago.

But now I'm haunted. I'll see it soon. Just wish I could be alone; truly, truly, truly alone.  Where no light shines but withers

82 iq blues

  START now
What's for food. She melted the walls with her eyes. What of it . I talked to blind mice. Cadaver with a nose like pain. Begotten and strung by lines. We float on.  I kissed a girl and liked it.  I went alone through the wilderness like sissyphus and produced a bear. Age had me down. You took the number.  Ha . Keep the coins 999999999

888

85th presidents
Parades for flags. Bombing children and eating ***. Where were you then?
Keep your ******* hallelujah. Keep your hypocrisy. You're not my brother son. You're my shovel and this is our grave

looking onward towards death. Nothing in my head but rain. Nothing in my heart but shade. I know who i am and it took only a few years to know; no more searching,  just becoming

](ķ*&they walked back thru the street of snow and ice with whispers in fog. It took too much to stay but we couldn't leave so we lit a f ire. I didn't mind. I was somewhere else   ⅖

8 8
99
8. ٪&^٪[9⁸⁷⁴⁹²²⁴⁶ 6⁶⁷⁶³ ⁵ ⁹ ⁹ ⁰ what happened to grieving

Writing while half awake & dealing with ***** trash
slide down the slide see the blue sky
I've opened my heart to no one but the night

Starving til i have a 6 pack.

Fat pigs sleep in hay
I've rolled in the dirt and want my fix

To see my ****
To see the veins writhe. No love being a blob.
I want to cease it all so it can make sense somehow. Drop the spoon' pick up the knife

Blocked me the second there was push back
the second the cacophony of your own voice was met by another

I'm a lot like you. It's easy to be yourself when no one is watching
Don't sell out

The line at the post office stretched for half a mile and it made me sick
Now this is contrived

Now this is about humanity

Now the ravens flock around the eviscerated mound
My jacket was black & i had 3 like it
No line is too long when youre dead inside

'Crazy' people dont post goofy poems on some poem sharing site to exalt their 'genius'
They just **** in a hallway or cut their **** off

Ooo ooo ooo oooloooo crazy
Im crazy
I'm depressed and I've since made that distinction a while back
Catch up

I get dumber by the day
Pretty soon I'll be too dumb to understand
Drooling in the wind with my
Eyes wide open

My face doesnt fit my head
My shoulders don't fit my legs.
My clothes don't fit my back
My chest doesn't fit this this shirt

I d be fine being ugly if it didn't matter

And i wish I could wear your smile

Went through the forest and sat on a rock in the sun. There was no life there but a barking dog
I walked back through the mud
and uploaded a picture
What next
. .
I see an invisible door
I peak through
Weary and bored. Fresh air

everyday feels like a breakdown

blue

indigo

Black
In the pan

Covers and heated beds. Making up stories for morons
liars awake them

Keep dreaming of death
and dismemberment

The death does nt phase me.The clean up, annoying

If it goes on like this
what will the neighbors say

Awkwwrd thoughts

Lol

Bbo

Ki

O.lol

****

Rolloing in filth with the feces scraping the light



Look out

Kek

With a balll and fist

Get waht you deserve

No fun now when it's all for keep

What used to be hard is now soft

& what used to hurt feels like laughter

.



If you push it in maybe it will

Work

divided in two skulls two lives

2 eyes

2 tongues

2 hearts

2 livers.3 fingers

5 hands.6 legs

13 faces

14 teeth

16 parasites

and green roses on your table

and breakfast for the

dogs. I walk along the embarkadero. Feet in cement

funeral Mass will be celebrated for Margarita "Maggie" Iglesias  at 1: 00 p.m. , at Sacred Heart Catholic Church today, November 28, 2020. Burial will follow at Palm Valley Memorial Gardens Cemetery in the Ceballos-Diaz Funeral Home of Edinburg. Sadie is in charge of arrangements.

As theyre relieved so are the patent watchers said the director.
No need for nose bleeds or salty iron. Count your pennies, Stew shine on rain
Had enough of ***** casualties and stringy viscera. Eat your own ***** and your own ***** Fish.

   An age of time