how could you be so cold to a young man,

so cold to a still growing heart?

so cold to a confused stranger,
so cold
to someone that treated you with  respect.

I just
make a sandwich in the dark,

and cut a heart into the belly,

and bleed.

I am so tired,
and the internet has killled me,

and the hellopoerrts
and instramgrams
and facesbooks

and reddit
and goggles,
tired.

what even is human anymore? am I a human, or am so program?

I wanted you,

you wanted the software,

I wanted to be a glitch in the data.

I dont float,
I betray myself, I am nothing, I was something , I am nothing, do not haunt me,

do not haunt me. I do not exist I will die alone and inadequent,
and with unfulfilled desires.
the earth keeps spinning

**** THE UNIVERSE.

**** ANY ONE WHO CAUSED THIS,

I was      too     soft for this.                too soft for this     /l,//,/,/,//,,/,/,    h,lo -=o=o-gfko[sj[gdfj[gj[fdojo[gdfjogdfoj[hj[od]jphdfgjp]df

I want to **** myself,

but Im so tired of talking about it. lights out,
and nothing more.

solid glass,

and bleeding into a sense,
with my brains smashed.
I ******* HATE LIFE.

why can't I have more.

I cry every night,

I try to be strong,
I try to be the 'hard guy'.

I can beat any ******, but I'm tired. I want to die,
I want to lie down in dirt
and breathe nothing.

you've hurt me,

and I've hurt myself. you've told me to hurt myself and so I have.

I have no more dreams, I sleep until 5
,

I work until I die,

I make money just to die,

I live just to die,

I sit down
and **** a girl and **** myself afterwards.
I love no one,

not even myself.   I want to drawn, and the last 30 people that want me to go,

I've already left.


walking on the pavement on the hill, in the sunset I see 30 high rises,

I see a cathredal and parted clouds, the birds speak my name,

I jump and free the god that haunts me.

the god that haunts me,

and I no longer cry. I am
free ,        free,         free , free from the strange sorrow and strange


confusion

I'm such a *****

my love is just a fake

it's not even noteworthy
nothing

a fluke
a flunk

a ******* evaporating **** stain cloud

but her
eyes
haunt me.

and I hate that.

I hate that it has seeped into my soul. I was too strong for love.
too strong
for emotion.

too strong for vulnerbilty.

but she wants
to flaunt herself naked to the world. and flaunt her love interest, and flaunt how great
her life is
all the while she cries
when I call her out.

I love when they cry.


I love when you ******* cry, knowing that you've been wronged.

you've FUCKIGN WRONGED ME

I loved you, I don't even believe in it;
it's an illusion, a chemical imbalance,
but you've affected me,

you've made me believe.

how dare you.

I don't want to reach the sky,
I want to feel you,

I want to touch your neck,
and wipe your tears,

you wear the rock in the withered
dune,
you were the floating

island,

I am the abyss. the dead, the searing, the withered, the hopeless, the blackened.
I loved you.

I loved you Amy.

I was made whole, I felt human, you wante the admiration, but the
dirt is only so deep.
Im just grateful,
that I have air.


I have great skies, and the blue air,

nothing to hold me back, but the sea. god may not be real, but the universe smiles nonetheless.

I've been hurt,
so many times that it doesn't;t matter. maybe there's truth to the silence, and the gray graves.

you were
a part of me,
and the part of me now blooms. I love you,
love to be told by no one.

dead, dead, dead, dead ,dead ,dead ,dead

eye less,
just like heaven , my hippie love, my uncertain love, my old love, my love too good for the '*****', my love which sleeps in sand, my love now buried,
I promise to be myself.

I will be myself, and so much more. love love love love love, so much more,

the end is just a comma,

, ,
,
,
,  
* Amy


Amy

A simple twist of fate_. Soles in a tree hue.
Blind noun had to speak about your flicker.
Forward to today
And I told you how you hurt me
And how you're too old for attention

I'm young I don't try
I begin with an angry lunge.

Twirling your hair in the rain and wrinkled brow being swept
I hear a collision.

Notes to you
Notes to you
The grass still grows and is indeed green

You didn't die today there was a rose on your hand

A rose that didnt wither. You existed in me for a solid year I packed my bag in my empty house with the door ajar.

I floated forward
Forward to a sand that blinks

Forward
To keep moving I don't wanna stsy
hear

Forward even if it hurts forward even if it's nowhere

I miss my ******* stray cat
Just wanted food, and was honest.
I loved that.

Now he's dead since the winter.

******* tired
, Another human that dies every 2 seconds.

You read about it everyday, watch videos of it,
Decapitations, rapes, flaying, burned alive

Another human
Talking to the wind

Why do we go through this?       I hope you make it 2

We are the universe,

One day we'll win

Crushes me
Rolls me into a ball and flicks me into a dirt mound
I stay there and breathe
dead silence
Hum

cute girl, why do you stand there
Why do you talk about your son's
I'm here and I talk about blue
Shadows
Why do you go that way?

Why do they ****** me when I'm 12 and 14
But want nothing to do with me now?

I know my hair ***** and my nose is big and my eyes are crooked and my skin is ****
But don't expect me to be just sitting here happy

I'm not 'entitled' im a ******* human being

I don't
want to see a grey cloud
I want a *******


Blue sun, blue ocean where no one feels pain

I pluck my eyelashes
You talk 2 Jake. Blued eyed Jake. You've ****** 1000 men but you won't **** me.

I am real I am here, I FEEL


I drag the load. If it means scratching the cell doors , I'll destroy the universe.

You don't exist.

This pain is all thats here and now like infinite  subtraction

pig hands wrapped in  your ****
  I lick It off  , whiel you squeal and your child
sits in the corner,

she laughs.
I cut her ,
  she laughs      and the rain drains down the sewer .

I plunge it deep into your head , ******* your brains     until your eyes bulge out,
no longer singing to your crow.

where is your god when
he goes on holiday?

''Wednesday is a good today,
maybe tomorrow?

maybe tomorrow?"

just say never,
I 'm tired of lies .                 I will no longer walk on grass,
                  I will peel ornages for their scent.

I will eat you,                 and you will see what it means.



daylight , 2 soon.

I don't want this anymore,
so I cut myself, and spill the blood from the fat. Crying in the mirror
big man
with gashes
like

               a                         angry mouse.

I wont tell you
what to do,                       just don't tell me lies.


                              no                             lies


no *******    LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII­IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS­SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS /,,,,,,,,,,;L;L;..//. [


[P[PP[[P[L;L;;LL[O-

why even write

                         I don't need to explain.

I watch the windowpain,
I  dip into a black sun.

what the **** is the problem,

yu drive me home ******* 6 times? and call me a ******* sweetheart and you're too busy? just to spend a little ******* time ? you dumb ****? I ******* hate you and hope you ******* burn in hell after I cut your ******* head off you ******* *****

                               took a shower,

laid in bed,
drinking some JD I don't care.

first time in about year,
I 'm boring and have no vices.         life is boring .
                     I should have
been

a killer,
I would have respect.

                                 I  don't need                                              

this           any                                                 more


heart
like                           solid ice

Thank god there's no afterlife
Just nothingness

No more hoping or praying
no more dreaming

No more people,
You just go where the worms go when they die
The ultimate Justice,
The last laugh for the mocked and ridiculed
Paradise away from you ******* ****

Dumb

the serial killer speeks

and he listens to Debussy,

and red handle in the stairwell,  a knife to the back  and a single sigh.

the moon is bright tonight,

and the shoveled snow
makes a puddle in the driveway
which seaps to town.


3 nickles on the windowsill, half a call to your shadow.

''I want
to dance''

She dances and it's beautiful.

if only there were more than 5 minutes to the day and 5 seconds to contemplate the buzz in the air.

sweet dreams,
  I don't need
to say more        , your smile says it all

I envy those who cry

I only cry when I'm drunk or high.
I just end up laying here lonely and empty in a literal cabin in the woods where I walk to my **** job to work with other miscreants and talk about dull Netflix movies.
I was a child with dreams. I wanted to be a rockstar before I started to hate what it all means. So I just sleep instead.
I sleep without dreaming
I talk to no one.
I don't even hate anymore.
I just sit like a shell and eat my trash and stare outside.
I want none of this
I just want to lay down for good

I think if this beautiful girl I knew who used to be my first crush. She would give me back massages in class and had beautiful purple eyes. Then one day I asked her out. She said "no" and it hurt me.

Anyway she's been dead for the last 6 months just checked Facebook. I had deleted my Facebook so I didn't know.
****** overdose. 23. Gone.
And what will it all mean.

What will I mean.

I will cut my neck open
And draw on the walls.

I don't care if summer comes.


I dream about flies and maggots.

I *******
Feed The wide     Hole



I dance   on the street
Screaming

Screaming for more

It is so quiet, it is so still.
I look up and see eyes, I roll over.
I don't care.
I am in a glove, poked with a knife.
Now you try.
Weapons with no ruler. I gave it to you like ******.
Neck in my tie I dress in grey. Back from the show. How is it. I'm stopping

I'm stopping now.  Said the lost kid

Gliding past me and tapping and tapping and tapping, who said there's
Only one excuse ?

I break the bone for the marrow, so sad
So depressed I can't cry.

The cold talks to the trees and I hear the siren of a work truck. Downed power for the last 6 hours.  

I often speak of suicide, I won't.

I just lay down , and go to work, and workout, and eat and drink, and dream of nothing.
I dream of nothing.  I dream   of









.

{.     } [.    {.  ] ]. [.  ].  [.      ].   ]. pacing up. a driveway in spring-air
']][[[[]]
cylinder among
  a muddy beach '''[[[[[]][[[.  pupil dilated
to  a satellite[']][[]]][[[]]][


fork-tongue ;
inebriated
and half-alive ''[['';]]][[.  strewn across 13 lots in the cold black[[[;;[[

she tears
off her hand''[[[[[[

I scream for a second[[;[[
the window calls for seconds'[[[[[]][[ ]][. last seen today[[[[]][[[[]][][]

]][[
some things to be considered[[;[[
some things
to  be

][][][][][]][]][forgotten[[[[]][[]][][[][][][][][][][]

sheer heart attack

syrup

whats your address. I found you yesterday. play by the sill,

cut it up now. babe,
hens in a row,   fish -bat carnival.  ''2 will do''


So I wrote a story about some guy bob and he didn't want a noose


shelled out a 40$.  thatll **** you for an hour -

I love it,
love is like  a  dark glass zoo

you died 50 years ago,
you sing a perfect day.

you drink san-gray in the park,
such fun.

I pray to a green sun,   in a grass, with a woman who wants a spirit that is broken but
still fights on.

I DON'T
  WANT TO SEE YOU GET

HURT.


pines, burnt

and 1000000000 now crying out.

there's a lung In a bedroom
''speak to me''
''speak to me,

I don't want to die,

I don't want to die,

please
comfort me,


comfort me''.


I close your eyes,  and kiss your head. I say a prayer,
  I don't believe,

but you are
a grey tongue.   no need to say love.


love is here,
love is in 3000 districts.

I tear a line in the sand,
your children don't know,   'cause they've taken  their lunch.  

Don't be so



silly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :]

I stroke my ****
I stroke my ****.  I stroke my ****

a good 6.5 inches.

I don't ******* care.

I don't care.

    I have no family.   I ****** a Bird and ate spinach. I watched some grandma on instagram
with purple make-up,
she said ''NO''

I said ''  by golly the light is A COMPASS''.


bought a lantern
and 2 twenty bills.   no god, no singing, no sliver. **** my *** with a big strapped up electric bill.
working on a book after I find my head.


so I told you about the fifth?

take it now.

  she cute,  oh yeah .   I wrote it before and now I stoop to you.  the ***** is dying on 14th street. wiped with a green slime her **** hang like 6 plums. god tell me she's fine.
I don't know.

nick where are you. ? I have your number you stopped calling. I love you, I loved you like a sun.  plug it up.


dead berry rune,

scraped up.

you sit by a bridge,   itch it up , itch it up ,

you're nobody, just like everybody

else here.

        ;)

I sit in a can .    I listen to a Dylan.    I preach to  a paper bag.  I reach out to an anchor and squeeze out 13  nickels.  I pray to a half-baked nun that rides upon a lawn mower.  I  **** a ***** on a grass knoll and she squeals like a god. I  affix a bill upon the altar. I snap a band on the seal. I don't try to cry. I cry in a dead -air.

4
-5 -5-5 -5 -5 -5 -5

LISTEN UP

LISTEN UP.

  Someone had a chance when there was nothing made.
now I squelch it.

Dirt upon dirt upon dirt,

a rusty spoon, arm abscessed with ******, blacked out
with the soot
of a 1000 clouds.

I cry
,

I speak to my dead cousin,
my dead friend, sitting there all alone.   painted white, white in a grave, white without a friend, without a mother,
like a ladder to the night.


   faces upon a change-  saw,

  half- in a jar,
you could be the last,

there is no more sighing.  Dylan is dead.  I saw the last,  **** "U",

I am still here.  

I still can type the letter 6

dimly lit room                                 ;  I hear a cloud pass by;           tip toe
down the planks,  drip.


Stirring in some salt -         3 hours on simmer, touching  a blank canvas,
seeing through a haze after the fog
has rolled away.

You ask '' for whom?''      you're enshrouded by a black husk, contorted like a cashier face.

plugged into a jet-stream, forward moving, forward thinking,
backward  living, one of a billion concurrent movies projecting  an old worn out film.

I walk around a while.


I go walking in the woods and crunch the leaves. Cars pass by and I walk past.  A broken-shed, with broken windows, but no life.

no liveliness in this walk. No chirping, or buzzing,  just some hammering in the distance.

I sit down and pick up a stone. A crystal.   It gives me a faint-energy.   I  rub off the moss,
  and I toss it into the
mist .  Nothing in my head. I  don't want to be here anymore

I've killed myself countless times -       I pull the trigger and lay the gun down on the desk.

I peel my brain from the plastic-film,  and draw with crayons.

I seep into the carpet, and I feel a warm hand on my temple.
She walks in
and disrobes

and I see a hole in her.

a deep gray hole  that blends in with the air.        blue light--  and a song
about living in the hills whilst young.


pull out a ******* sandwich,
who told you?       Sit down.  sit over there.          pass it to me.

puzzle piece -- hand-drawn,  lips pursed with heat;  

9-9=  3

I   am still a child sitting   on the bench  ,

and I still hear a crumbling          sun          and   it flows through me without
prejudice

the beautiful boy


the beautiful boy,           now.   a memory
wagging a tail

forced to sell
   weeds
                                  listening to a stale
noise,

        in a tin can.


I HAVE a 2-day pass to Wendy-

fork
with. no expectation.


BREASTfeeding.  the. nine-month old in a hot bench whilst people walk bye.
      facetattooos- and excitacy with the ****** firmly plugged in.

drifting away
driftin away

I am dying

I am dying literally, I.    feel the pulse fading.
1 2. 3.  4 5. 6 7. 8



pidgeon jesus,  Muhammad ****** my ***, buddha lives in LA,

cut out my heart;
ventricles
blues
.

I have no one

I have. NO ONE.       NO ******* ONE.
BUT A SVEN in Norway;

blackened by the bite of a hand.


recluse,
no more.  forgotten. my last name is EARNest

I DONT' care anymore.  idon't care anymore. I gave up,
I moved. 50 degrees south,

I'm drunk,
I'm high. I 'm a nobody

just someone who wanted to ******* LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE


I feel the breeze

bleeeeeeeeeep
FOR THE MOMENT

FOR THE MOMENT


CAN'T WITHDRAW

CAN'T OBSESSS ----- HALF BAKED. ,, ON A CRUMB ,, 3 YEARS AGO,

WHY'
WHY

HALF 2 A MOON

and then I listen.

packed in a gross cage.

love like  a zebra.

I **** the clover,  I **** her deep, like a pulse in.  July.

no more sleeping.


hanging from your blum
.

god told me no lies .                                      stained

hurts
                                                                         in  a puddle

of spit
and dung,

hurts.
cuffed behind -- you've already bled out-- - you already made your stand.


1,000,000 hours didn't mean anything in that
1 second.


now you're nothing. how I envy you

always a nice little resolve at the end to make  the prior  words have more context and make up for the drivel

               1 egg here
another   in the garage  behind   your trophies

1 kid in the tub

the other  in the grave,
and the other missing its head.

forward thinker
progressive -
savior of a nation called peru. mosquito dusk    woman  of   glass-shrapnel

receipts?  on the
desk,
forward now.  I have work today at 8.
how are you?

"good"

park it  and fill it    with all your hate--  tie the knot an extra time  so it  looks good  when it

splats

back and forth
back and forth            back and forth   back and forth  back and forth
back and forth
back and forth        back and forth   back and forth
back and forth  


                     pinch  your ear  
  and  pause   in a sun-hat                  corners


like a  sponge

I feel like I've suffered brain-damage and it makes me feel bad.  maybe too many nights alone does it.  my vocab is bad  and my thought process is dull and stiff .  I splash water  and burn up a little.
too  think I had it all  .

I   can  still point  at  saturn

rose on an  a leaf  removed by 3  pinches.  
  heard of the game
called emaculate tension

or no rouge
   for  Thursdays.


squashed on
a stick   in august heat and running up a dried-up spring to maybe call on your ghost .

My dreams are  dead , But sitting here gets boring

ok

no

why

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,,.,.,
I can write circles around you

I can do laps.

I can breathe the poison

I can be the 'bad guy'.

I can be the 'hero'.

I can be the nobody.

I can be  the trash bag, with grain rice and 3 rotten fruit.

I can jump rope on a train

I can sing the alphabet.


I can **** the mouse.


I can spill the guts.


I can zipline to peru.

I can  feel the crevice and eat lettuce on a 2-day basis.


God-given rights
are not sacred.

Just

believe in yourself.


& stop telling me    I'M NOT WORTH IT.



:::::_)   ::::)  :::)  :))) :) :) :) 0

his head was the shape  of a triangle

his jaw  sat there  like  an indifferent  feline

his cheeks were the color
of plums

his ****** hair was light, but present nonetheless.

he was about 6'0,  thus above the cut-off range for ******.

The women would come in and talk to just him for minutes at time,
holding up the line,  but the customers didn't care;  they wanted to talk to him too.

& he would dance around,
and pop his Xanax in the bathroom,  and his dealer would come in and hand him some **** back when it was illegal--
and in plain view of the owners.

''Don't you see what  this ****** is doing?" I'd say
in exasperation- - but they'd shrug.

His beauty was good for business,
even when he was slurring   and   in a near-comatose state--

those eyes,
and perfectly sculpted brow,   and hair like an 80's detective   put  everyone in a   daze.

& one day he got in my face,   so I threw him over a counter,
and his elbow whipped back violently,
and he made a little  whimpering sound,
and I was promptly fired.

& I went and bought a beer
and jacked off

& I thought of those eyes, while so afraid.

and then I started
  putting in applications  for another **** job
a day later for Sears

the guy sits
by        the window       as a car  drives by   and the rain pours gently
on the  street.

he says

'' I'm tired of waiting here'

and then promptly
pats his own shoulder.

the light  dimly  blinks  ,  and fly buzzes in the corner;
mildew collects under the sink faucet,
then in
walks the  nurse.


''I HAVE YOUR PILLS ready MR. DOVER''

''why thank you m'lady''.

mr.dover swallows the pills,
black and shiny.


''ahhhhh  thank you m'lady,  just what I needed''.

The nurses' face remains pulled tight and she nods and walks back out into the lobby where she then interacts with another patient
morbidly obese and frothing,
then the door closes and mr. dover is alone.


''hmmmm,,  what shall I do now?''

Mr. dover looks around and notices a magazine with a CUTE ******* the front. Asian, of about 14 years old, or maybe older; they all look young.

'''AHHHH yesss.''


He then tugs on his 12 inch ***** for some time,

and itches his *****.   the light flickers dimly as usual,
and truck passes by.   A scream is heard in the distance,  and mr.dover times his ******* accordingly;

then without warning,
the nurse reappaears.


''MR. DOVER. I HAVE SALISBURY STEAK FOR YOU?  WITH GRAVY I PRESUME?''

'uhhh yes mam,  yes mam'

She drops the steak directly on his crotch and pours the hot gravy on his belly where it pools into his naval.

''My god! woman! directly into my naval?!! why that hurts!!! OWWWW!!''

''I'M SORRY MR. DOVER.  I APOLOGIZE! I APOLOGIZE!''

the nurse then pulls out a luger
from her back pocket and loads it with a round.  Mr.dover and the nurse maintain eye-contact for about 20 seconds
, before she pulls the trigger and her brain matter is projected onto a market board behind her.

She falls to the floor and a blood pool forms and she convulses violently before all movement ceases within a manner of seconds.


mr.dover, with his gaze fixed at the body is unperturbed,
and calmly spoons a bit of salisbursy steak into his mouth.

He collects some of the gravy and mixes it with the steak and eats it some more.

After he is done, he washes his plate and pats the nurse on the shoulder.

''you had such lovely eyes,
too bad you settled for this ****.   But it was all you could do?''

The door opens,
  and Dover steps out,
then eventually finds himself in the parking garage.  He gets in his green Toyota
and drives off whilst loudly belching from the Salisbury
steak and gravy as the
rain patters     on the   window.

this site is too limiting

but the only place where you assume there's an audience
even though  it's someone
clicking and then promptly leaving .


I had   a   3 way

          with a         lantern           at the bagel shop  but still  forgot to tell you about the   overdue movie.


a reference to videostores
which are now extinct;   blades of grass,

chopped up by the pound.


I   cried
3 times.            

I wrote the same **** 100 times.


I keep writing the same ****.


i'm bored.       ****. a bad word.  a racial slur(the worst one)


a crisp and  a dead  giraffe
painted with stripes   and still walking home .


I pull the covers to sleep-   and it is profound

I  pace back and forth  in  the pink room   and pull the blinds    tightly.

Ashtray in the corner
near the sink.

Radio   by  the door.
hammer on the  bed.

fork in the socket.

rose in  the glass.


eyes in  the ceiling .     ***** in  the   shoe.                hair in    the   bowl.


kissing  my  lord.

kissing  it.
it all.

so much.


the  leeches  know now ,  everything,  everything, everything since before time since before birth and before the creation. SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
SHOULD HAVE
******* LISTENED TO THEM

YOU ******* FOOL!


......

4 DAYS
go by-
I hear bug.

message without a voice.
crying at me
as though I  could have known.                  a handy device  like   maybe for to  the cleft  in the dry hand
back  wards?   for the purse-chase,-  casted by it now?


I speak

to you

.


I  want an answer.

plasma

  on the wall



a           few tears for the ones who   didn't make it


.


i can't hate.

i can't hate   anymore.


I hurt myself


i cursed my self,

i sabotaged    my own  life--

and threw away my opportunity.

i kicked out people
who cared-
and   insisted on  fighting for me.


But  I thought I knew better.

now i'm paying for it --   and the dull ache     in my head  haunts          me  ,

and the dim
shadow


  entices   me

back up

a  test.

12  on the dot

as it rains

turning    into  mist.


alive no doubt

this lonliness will **** me

It's interesting writing poetry  in  a content and non-neurotic state.
I just feel so good,

and maybe it's not profound,  nor even reads as poetry,

But I just had to document this moment


so I remember that things sometimes do

get better.

bing bing  bing bimmy

blimph
   foo  
ku-   tooo--ooo --booo -


tteee   teeeee
   teee              teeeee           n
cone-shape  blac  
dual
cab

              smack  -head
pinched ­ in  fun- tal
ban   backed pack
  breed
            big   fo   kid ****

hap
  in hull
  
3 skims
socky    low - loo


pump

I could  write 1000  poems

and get a nobel  prize  ,

but at the end of the day

there's no closure.

i'm in this ****  hole,


it's cold.

i still idealistically believe that  the 'right person' could change things when we all know it doesn't.

I hope   i don't wake up this time.

I hope  
  everything goes away


good night

Of all time  in history I could have been born,

I'm here on  a computer talking to imaginary people
in   a box
with  wood-grain carpet

and a tv with a   nondescript latino face.


What does it even mean to be a human?

What is pain?

What is genius  when it all takes     is a **** salute,

or saying the obvious?   Or just loving one another?


Why does hate always get a bad rap?


Where  is  the exit?

where is   the promise,

   where is      the sensitive eyes        in     the    deadair room

with 3 chairs


where is my   participation trophy?


where is my  diving board,
my knitted sweater,
  cellular phone, comatose giraffe?


who's back do i scratch?
who's bed do i make?

where are you parents?

where is  

the end

I'll forget this in an hour


just   like  a dead rose on the table,

or a box     of  
wrist watches.


I'll forget
I even wrote

''Jupiter   in bloom makes
for a                                   lovely  airspace''

Running shoes,
just like   the profile   ,  and the pictures,
and the posts,
and the blood  ,  and membrane
and procedures on the   cranium

baggage   without   ever carrything anything.


the load is yours.

& you'll   either live by it ,
or you don't.

      I choose neither.

It's sad that this all just goes into a  box.
just like a music genre.

it's metal,
it's pop,

it's progressive jazz,

it's Spanish celtic gypsy music,

electronic
banana  
avante garde.


Into the box it goes,   locked away   ,    and enjoyed

carefully

highly evolved

highly advanced

16 cents in the pants  --  at the laundromat --  
with a taco   from   Jorje's

pinanpple
soda
and a churro.

   2 crows staring at you.

someone going on about the 'poison'.

''I HAVE A TUMOR''

and     creak your mouth  in general sadness.    washed hands in the grate outside  behind the lot behind the 2 ft  statue   of a civil leader.


backbending,
trying to lick yourself,
and succeeding.

up to 30 pull ups -- when the average man can't do one,  nice.


cold fingers
space heater

darts at the board.


sexless,-
******* 16 times--

dating profiles
half-open smile
sultry
eyes

3 toes
amputated ,  one in the box,  one for Christmas,  one for new year,  and one for now.


I  pull myself *****.

You shield yourself.

you  walk out.

you   kiss     the dead man ,  after  he succumbs to his afflction.

you provide the warmth.

you read  a magazine.


you   put on a   flowery dress.


you  call up   your   mother.


you dance in the afternoon.


you  rise with the
sun

nothing is shocking anymore which  is perhaps a good thing.
That means we're getting back to content.

I love death metal  -
but pure shock is empty.

******* the fetus
with a screwdriver and bashing it into a pulp
while I feed the mucuousy remains
to my mother---


okay
i said it, now what?

heil ******.

okay?


I'm glad I got it out of me when I did.  It certainly made a noise--

and that's important when
no one is listening

12       hours  is all it takes  for the shore line to recede and return into

a crumbling abyss
overlooking an  albatross prairie.


if There was no alternative
then what is your  choice?

I see she is a baker ,,   and      a mincer and maid   and protagonist
to a fairytale.

she is tall
and weary.

the nicest eyes ---    but still so  malevolent.

I take a bath in the cold air,   as the leaf  sits like a balloon  on   a gush-geiser blowing crystals 3000ft into the air
no room for the  wanderer.


I PICKED UP THE TOME

I read the last chapter.  

What you said about throwing your own book into the night
weeping for what may have come to her
struck me as profound.

not a lot touches me.