Sometimes I take all of my regrets
I make a fist
And I smile
Shoving them behind my teeth
I ball up the sadness and I fit it into the hollow of my over bite
Because it's just enough to where it makes a perfect little space
I take the tears and I let them run over my smile
The salt white washing them and bleaching them
Brittle enough to break
But the pressure has been under
Just under enough
To where they stop bowing
And they straighten back
Or as straight as they'll be
They've told me before
That if I keep things in
Like sadness or regret per say
That it will turn me into its own personal feast
But with this cleverly tailored smile
I've made sadness the butter on my sandwich of regret
And I've learned to spread a napkin over my lap
And turn it into lunch
The crust perfect
Fresh
Vibrantly decayed
Breathing in the black mold
Hoping in some way that it'll flay through my lungs
The lungs that get fatigued sometimes
Tired of rising
Heart a beaten horse who's never been revived
Maybe eating my own literal feelings
Wasn't a good plan
But with this shotgun wedding of a brain
It seemed fine at the time
Instead of taking my heart out of my chest
And giving it over to a new black vat of a home
The living room curtains fluttering happily
On a wind of calculated despair
Some symphonies are never perfect
But even in their chaos they construct beauty

I sliced through my ring finger
Stopping at the nerve in seventh
Seeing you is kinda like that sometimes
A not so good tingly nerve pain echoes through that hand
Going to that insignificant part that still cares
You were my first love how can I not
In faerie you've got to make due with what you have
I looked into iceberg blue eyes
Deep sea blue
From electrified gray
But only when there would be a storm a brew
Just my own tears I knew there wouldn't be any gentle voice
Laced with concern knew so well that there would just be an annoyed look
But now
I wake up to a deep forest green and a voice that's drowned in concern
Like tea steeped too long coating my worries into stardew for the sun to melt
Lulling me back to sleep a molten silver when you ask how my day was
A soft blue liquidized with worry when you heard me crying last night
It blended into a glowing cobalt after I told you it was stupid
I know that if you were here you would've tilted my chin up
And told me that nothing I could ever say would be stupid to you
And when I told you
You just told me that it was the sweetest thing ever
To know that I had a soft and caring heart
It shouldn't be
With years of crusted plaster over it
You seem to be taking a hammer and ice pick
Slowly cracking through those layers
Tender sunset kissed flesh beneath
A healthy heart
That isn't entirely shattered
I tried to keep it safe for as long as I could
I think
That it worked
Because the blood is still rushing
And I wake up to you
Asking me how I slept
And my heart speeds up
So I guess I did something right
In ending up on this twisted road to you

Sun rays shimmering
Champagne days glossed over
Caramelized love
A mere damper on sadness
Thumbelina through the looking glass
A smile on the other side
Wind swimming through the field of your laugh
In the end did these memories even matter?
Or were they just supposed to teach life lessons?

If I lose my memory
Tell me
About the love I lost before that
When I lose my memory
Remind me that I always loved your smile
When edges dog ear
Crease
And
Crumple
Slowly wearing down
Remind me what snow smells like
Remind me that I gave my all
To watch it blow away
I want you to tell me that I opened a door during a game
And you were behind it
Granted you were trying to stab me
How romantic
Show me
That sometimes our all isn't enough
And that people can't change
And that's alright
Because some pain isn't eternal
That some of these scars will fade
It just takes time
Tell me because I don't remember
That when the hands of time fall off of my clock
And the pendulum stops swinging
Your laugh picks those hands up
And slowly starts making them tick again
And your smile starts swinging my pendulum heart back and forth again
Remind me
When I'm a little bit older
And If I lose my memory
That you'll be there on the floor with me
Head to head
Cupping my trembling hands
Tucking that loose strand behind my ear
That you'll be there
To help me remember
That I loved you
Show me how to love you again
When I lose my memory
Remember
I've loved you from the second I met you
I didn't know
But it was there
Just remember for me
I love you

I've  been spending my nights
Sipping whiskey tainted delights
Weaving together loose threads
I bet that if we dusted my heart
We would only find your finger prints
Finger prints
No indentions
No cave ins
Like you were trying to hold onto it
For fear of losing it when it tried to walk away from you
If you splayed your hands out
You would be able to find my heart beat
Stretching across the first two lines
That join when you put your hands side to side
You can see how it speeds up when I hear your laugh
You can see how it slows down when I think something might be off with you
You could see how it speeds up when I think about your eyes
Writing is the finest paintbrush
That I could ever use to try and impress you
Words sealing seamlessly together
The vibrancy from them mesmerizing you
Convincing you that maybe
Just maybe this once
I'm worth wasting your time on
And staying with for just a bit longer
Along this waltz
Of a waning summer's eve
A speckled splash of falling red
Emerald green joining in the dance
Gold leaf gilding your laugh
Droplets of gray underlining your smile
Only flaking when a saturnine willow weeps
Just for that smile to come back out
The gilded joy of your laughter
Echoing through
Crimson fades
Blue delays
And I find
I get to be stuck here with you
Except I'm not stuck here
I'm happy to be here