I hurt myself today,
Not it any physical way.
Except for maybe not sleeping.
Except for maybe not eating.
But I can't compare, the feeling.
To the pain of the body.

For I know I ache from impulse.
Not in a regretful way.
Because,
I tried to wash a feeling away,
I tired to tie myself to different woman.

And silly me, didn't think.
That I would begin to think,
About how much, it really does stink.
That that woman wasn't you.

Terrified of confrontation.
Bad experiences not remarkable.
Yet when you withold all you have is bad experiences.
You would think it better to let it out.
To stand your ground, and make things understood
But rarely do things change.
So you are either forced to accept them,
Taking the back seat... Again.
Or you take the risk, and make yourself heard.

Frustration, that's what I feel.
Your time seems laxidazical.
You have five days a week of freedom.
Yet you sleep. You lay and watch TV, lay and read books.
Leaving responsibility to the last second.
I'm left alone.
Forced to put my self out there.
Hoping for a response, trying to make plans.
Something you rarely do.
I feel like I am the victim,
Suffering a wound to my heart, where the hollowness awaits.

Yet, here I am, taking the backseat again.
To afraid to change.

Often, I ponder the consequences of life.
The illustrations we paint,
Choosing to splatter yet another color across the canvas.
Often, I watch as color turns dark.
Ceasing to exist, the suns light dipping under the horizon.
And here we are, in our truest nature, staring into the shadows.
As a man stares within his own soul.
What purpose can we serve when our lives our haunted by wrong and right.
How can we, navigate the lightless landscape, when all can be shattered by one action.
The weight not mattering, the intention disregarded.
For any and all actions pose the chance of error,
of tumultuous failure.
This world we inhabit, and the society we love so dearly,
so fragile.
Often, I ponder the reason of those around me.
of the weight they throw with their actions, and how assuredly
they hold themselves.
Often, I wait to see them tumble, never again to fully make it off the ground.