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"It's not the constant adventures,
But everyday gestures

It's not what you bring to the table,
But bring out in your partner

It's not proven to the world
But to each other."
From Noelle
It's time for me to go
I've been struggling so hard
For so long

It's pointless to keep trying
When I'm just going to keep feeling the same way
Why would you care?
You weren't there when I was smiling

No one cares
Unless you're pretty or dying
Why the **** do you want to be my friend
Now that you know I'm suicidal
The second I get better you'll leave
A terrible poem. I know. I don't care.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Hidden more and more often.
It seems that I never come out.
Shame and need, habit and sickness
stay with me and they encourage
Locking the ones that care out.
one door when locked indeed
brings four more around
so nobody needs to see
me at my weakest, breathing poison
work in progress...
 Oct 2015 Eka Chollokava
Liam

a life I never owned,
a sacrifice I never tried,
a fade away dream
I never step
upon
.
Lost in trail
craziness in a mess
blown away on unexpected things
I let go of the dream
I just couldn't
have
.

collab with Pax
A large stone sits in front of my brain. I can't move it, no matter what I try. A Granite bolder blocks out the words. I only feel a pounding pain, nothing else can be heard. I chip away at the corners of the stone, trying to squeeze out a few lines, but nothing will come. Some may think it is funny, but surely I do not. It always frustrates me when I get this writers block.
Your true love is someone who you won't be able to live without.

Well ever since you've been gone, I can't really say that I've been living.
1 pill
2 pills
3 pills
4 pills
How many more till I can't feel?
Maybe 5?
Possibly 10?
Who knows..
1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4 cuts
How long till I drift away?
After 5 cuts?
Maybe 6?
Probably 10
but who knows?
Who knows the pain?
Who knows the self hatred?
Who knows what it feels like to want to die?
I know, but why haven't I let go?
I can't let go of my hopes, my dreams, my family.
I can't leave them behind to deal with the pain..
I can't let them feel the way I do.
I've tried getting help, the pills don't work.
Hours of therapy and where am I?
I'm still stuck here..
Drowning in my sorrows
Feeling sorry for myself..
How long till I get better?
Who knows..
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