your ink
      has
indelibly stained

my
    unwitting soul;
we are now

together,
      forever,
         
--irreparably ruined*




●○
°

She lays awake at night listening to songs that remind her of you. Because you broke her, and she will always remember that.

Most days I am sad.
Most days I am swallowed whole by my emotions; Most days I am consumed by the darkness.
But I cannot leave.
I am enamored of the silence.
I am obsessive about the sorrow.

I could quit if I wanted to
But I don't

a family is as strong as the disciplining hand of their parents. don’t coddle your children.

a family is as weak as the desciplining hand of their parents. **don’t abuse your children.

i made love to the idea of leaving my footprint on the world
without looking into the idea of my foot getting caught in quick sand
getting lost in dance for a while
but i could never dance the urges off of me
unsee the things i had to see
the insecurities spewed out into my toilet
it took me a while to realize bulimia is almost always metaphorical
and for a while it became a necessity

i forgot how to fix these things inside of me
my rather apathetic way of getting threw things
and after a while
my father's anger
got the best of me
there's this numbness in my chest
i can no longer think
i can't think knowing the secrets of my family
i can't think putting all their mistakes on me
i can't think knowing my parents rejected my hurting
and i can't eat
i can't eat with all these pains building up
inside me

i made love to the idea of leaving my footprint on the world
but i left a footprint on my soul instead
right now i'm barely beautiful
my urges leave me dead

i used to be an open book. Everybody saw my horrible handwriting. My story was no secret, and it was no secret where i was going. I was an energetic kid, i told myself everyday how awesome i was, and i got happier and happier by the minute.

*It’s funny how i don’t remember these days. My childhood is a mere mystery, waiting to be solved. i don’t remember anything before i closed the book. i’m no longer open for reading…

I wish I was sorry
I wish I cared
But when you've broken somebody
Gotta leave the pieces there

Let them carry themselves back up
To mend the pieces together
Give them time and space to heal
But know they'll be wounded forever
Like me