I hold onto love
Like sand
It scatters easily
In my hands
And I will attack it
Probe it
Interrogate
Intimidate
Isolate myself
Until nothing remains

All this
To prove
To those who love me
That I am unlovable

She sits naked on the floor
Picking songs and sipping
On her warm beer

I smoke by the window
At a new lover's distance
Watching her intermittently

The city is still
It's 3a.m.
Our bodies
Are spent on each other
The bedsheets still wet
With our sweat

After the fire
We separated
Into component pieces

She combed her hair
In the mirror
As I poured cold water

Over myself
And ******
With the bathroom door
Left open
My ****
Still a little hard

I could hear her sing
As I toweled myself
Watched the last of the water

Fall into the drain
And for the first time
I could remember

I did not have to try
There was no rush
There was nowhere

I needed to be

Don’t let the *******
Get their foot through the door
Say yes once, at the wrong time
And you’ve said yes ten thousand times
Soon they’ll be taking the hours
From your life

It will happen slowly
Creeping up on you
Like glacial tides
Like choosing a Pope
Like *** cancer
Until one day you are consumed
And struggling only pulls the mud
Further up your throat

They get you with all the necessities
Food, water, beer, clothes, and cigarettes
It takes POWER to say no
Not a lot of people have power
At least, they say no to the wrong things
They’ll say no to a mid-week ******
And yes to the slow death of 8-5

You see the injustice in their eyes
You see they are looking for an escape
You know, though, that they wont
The ******* move in

They claim they already own the place
That they never moved in at all
They’ll start rearranging
The furniture of your life
Orientating everything in their image

Don’t let them in
Don’t even open the door
They’ll take everything-
But it’s yours to keep

To keep so long as you
Love their cruelty
And allow them the last thread
Of consciousness
That leaves your body before sleep

It’s yours so long as you
Turn up on time
And stay late
Punch the clock
And throttle all human smell

It’s all yours
If you give yourself to them
They will use up your patience
And then start on your confidence

Until they have you
Decorating your iron bars
With raised, clenched fists
Declaring loyalty to those
Who would drop you without hesitation

Soon, they’ll **** that spark
That Blue Moon spark
The one you feel when the sky
Mimics colours of happy memories
The one you feel when
You wake with movement in your bones
The one you feel when
A balloon swells in your chest
Or when ecstasy fills your spine
How the wind at the back of a motorbike
Blows the cobwebs from your mind

They’ll take it all away

They’ll take it all
Compensate you with a paltry sum
For all of your hours
For all torn relationships
You have no time for

They’ll turn the vice
A little tighter each day
Until you turn crazy-
If you’re lucky

If not
You’ll be there
Spent on purified sugar
And a lack of motion
To your days
You’ll be there
A hollowed shell
Of violent potential
Lost

Lost in timesheets and long weekends
You’ll take pictures
Of days spent in the sun
So that in your luxury
Your geriatric, loose-skinned luxury
You can look back
On your small life and say
“Hey, I did everything expected of me”

And that will work
For no one

Don’t let the *******
Get their foot through the door
You have no POWER to resist
You won’t be you anymore

When did it get so hard
Just to talk, not to run
Well I’ve been here before
I know all the signs
The dead ends

Just know that I’m still here
Patiently waiting for a sign
Just to hear we still share
The same Earth, the same stars

Ever since we’ve been apart
There’s no light on
But I’m always up

There’s no one here
To pick me up
To calm me down

And the Earth
It don’t spin
No it just throws me
All around


I’ve grown jaded, I know
Nothing’s changed
It never will

So I’ll play the middleman
For a few weeks more
Then I’m gone-
If not before

She used to bite her lip
Arch her back
As she sank down on top of me
When she reached my ***** bone
My **** felt like it could break in half

Still, she’d lean further back
And in the throes of ecstasy
My **** became property of hers
At the mercy of her spine
And how she chose to undulate it

We would lay there
All hot and stupid
In our cigarette smoke
We’d both derive pleasure
From my pain

She taught me how to kiss
She taught me how to really kiss a woman
Kiss and ****
Alternating between closed and opened mouths
The neck, collarbones, the insides of ears
“Oh baby…” she’d whisper when we were done
“Kiss me all over…”
And I did.

I’d start on her toes
She had a mole on her fourth toe
Right at the knuckle
And the cutest ankles you’ve ever seen
I’d never noticed feet in any capacity before
If the nails were painted and she was clean
I’d take my time down there

Next I’d work the calves
Always massaging a little further up
To where my lips and tongue were
Working in tandem
I could taste our *** on her skin
As I kissed between her small, pointed *******
Her pale skin – she’d faintly utter a sound

Her diaphragm lifting
Her swimmer’s body
And hairless ****
She’d whisper “baby…”
As my hands work her hips
And my lips move to her neck
By the time we’re making out
I’m inside her again

All the guts and gore of routine love
I could feel my *** run out of her
Like a broken yolk
Nothing beautiful about it aside from the feeling
******* her so soon was like
Screaming after a smoker’s cough
**** all swollen and hungover

Still, she looked beautiful in the half-light
Of the early afternoon
Curtains closed
Till the street lights come on
These moments where 2 hours sail with ease
Without drinking, smoking, or killing something
Inside of us

Though the *** was full of heart
It was all methodical, strategic
Making love to the one we hate the most
Nothing hurt more than my numb life
But I’d forget it in these instances
Of endless restoration between her legs
We’d sit in bed and smoke and drink
Too spent now to ****, the evenings
Were for ourselves
Though we were never apart

Somewhere along the way
*** was all we had left
Fight
****
Drink

Soon enough we’d stare across the bed
Nemeses waiting for the other to crack
“God, I hate you,” I said once
As I pulled back her hair
And kissed her behind the ear
She shuddered
“You repulse me” she said

“don’t stop.”

My country is in chaos.

seats of power are exchanged,
unelected come-down
and steep fog of uncertainty.
The poor are painting their signs;
others lock their doors.
Tear gas spills in streets
far from Suburbia-
on the shoulder of Europe.

I struggle for sleep.
Not for tragedy,
but missed calls
and lack of shelter.
For you and your darkened corner,
bleak winters-
the last time I saw you in the sun.

Petroleum fills
the lung of the sea.
Swarms gather in luscious greed,
footfalls over concrete:
the peace sign,
white poppies,
paper cranes.
Stubborn **** in the rock,
the busker with fingerless gloves;
the nightclub spilling over
into violence.

I strain my eyes,
not in tears
but in chemicals
and lack of vitality.
For you and your
elusive path through life,
your over-complicated strides.
Simple, temporary medicine

that is the comfort
and never the cure.

The stars blot out
one-by-one.
Each neon skylight
fractures the night
in pink clouds:
flowers die over the railings
where they could not
save his life.

I contain my breath,
not in calm
but poisoned blood
and lack of air:
I can barely breathe
without you here.

My country is in chaos.
Earth spins in a slow disease.
Still, all I can think of is you.
Whether you are thinking of me.

Brexit and Trump
mass shootings
and bombs in
schools
mosques
churches
streets

These are things that happen
when people forget
how to
talk
to
each
other.