I sit there in my room each night
Wondering if this is what life is supposed to feel like

In my room, I cry alone
Just wishing I was ever known

I sit there on my comforting little bed
My safe place, crying till my eyes get red

I have a family, friends and more
But feel like i'm locked in a cage behind my door

I sit there on my bed every night
Just praying for me to feel alright

I put a smile for everyone there
Pushing down this feeling of despair

What’s life is like for others, I wonder every night
Just dreaming, in my bed, trying to feel alright

I sit there in my room each night
Wondering if this is what life is supposed to feel like

we are all made of stars
cast down from the heavens
and turned into
a form we can recognize.

perhaps
we are not all made for a life
on this planet
and should have stayed with the stars.

maybe that is why
some of us look for a way
back to the stars
because we were not made
for this.

always surrounded by people
but I'm so lonely
always trying to talk
but no one hears me
I try to explain
but no one understand even my family
I'm so tired no one sees me

I bite.
Not with teeth.
with silence,
with sharp glances,
with walls built higher than your reach.

I’m not cruel.
I’m just tired
of being kind first
and torn apart second.

You call it attitude.
I call it armor.
Because being soft
never saved me.
It only made the fall hurt more.

So I speak less now.
Agree less.
Trust less.
I pull away before someone has the chance
to walk out first.

It’s not that I don’t want love.
I’ve learned that even “I care about you”
can come with conditions.
Even soft hands
can leave bruises
you can’t see.

I bite
because once,
I didn’t.
And it nearly broke me.

And I'm cold in my bed
Tired
Pillow covered in tears because that's where they're used to falling
And I just want to be loved

And I know I am by my friends
And my family
But I want to be stuck in someone's head
And I want them to rub my arm and make me a little bit less cold
And maybe have my tears land on their shoulder instead

I want to be the poem and not the poet for once

On the mats against a bigger opponent
Trying to make it through the round
Not tap out finish strong trying to escape
Free from dead weight not pinned down
Wiggle out of this tough situation
Find an open area away from pressure
Make the person work for the submission
Keep working till the alarm goes off
Exhausted burnt out onto the next round
Sweaty definitely ready for more

my goals :)
-take breaks when needed
-spill EVERYTHING out on paper
And read it before hitting “send”
-post AT LEAST 1 a day (if I’m not taking a break)
- take care of myself
- write something happy at least 2 times a month