I made myself believe,
Believe that I was jealous
Of her being with you.

Maybe that wasn't it
I was jealous
But not of her being with you

I envied her for being her.
Pretty girl with the beautiful smile
Thin and smart, something I'll never be.

I guess the truth is,
I envy her for being the girl
I will never be.

We crave what we can’t have,
what we are unable to obtain
— but why?
Why do we always want what other
people tell us we can’t have?
Why does it feel like a neverending cycle,
where you belittle the ones who do
like you and are belittled by the ones you pursue?
When is there a break in this cycle?

Sickness
Is it the mind or body

Disease
Is it the mind or body

Is it real or an illusion
Is it population control
or is it part of Government economics

What started this
Was it God or Satin

Was it made in a lab
Or an experiment gone bad

Is it the first of the four horseman
Revelations: 6

The white horse, pestilence
The red horse, victory, war
The pale horse, famine
The black horse, death

Is this something that's real
Think about what's going on in this world

Ebola, ISIS, North Korea,
And now Russia on the verge of collapsing

Think about it

But before you go I just want you to know
that you have caused me to love you so
that nothing will ever compare to what we were,
not even the stars, nor the moon,
nor the roar of a waxing shoreline
for I have known no greater feeling than
the warm embrace after a long drive home,
or our interlocked eyes as we stare in silence,
or the time I caught you crack a smile
when the snow fell from the roof onto my eyebrow.
Sadly, I've learned, that these moments must come to an end
and when you finally realize that time is now
you'll find a tear running down your cheek
and words caught within your throat
and with all the strength you can grasp
you must walk out the front door.

I went through the entire day,
I was fine, until I saw the date.
The 28th...
*******, why did you walk away?

pavement scrapes beneath my feet
high on hash, howling at the moon
drunk on gasoline—
drowning in it.

i’m just trying to make it
to the promise land.
ya know,
where there is no road
and everyday is a ****** up holiday.

so i drag myself through the 3am swoon
with money on my mind
when i’ve got none of it.
its hot
i’ve been counting my
teeth with my tongue
and i am searching for god
in the cracks on the side walk
but i’m walking alone
and the blood runs thick.

When you get home,
I hope you know
I've noticed you've been stressed out lately
I intend to correct that posthaste

I've got your favorite on the table
waiting for you to eat up
I said no to hanging with my guys
so tonight my attention is all yours

I laid roses out for you
remember? Like our first date?
I hope you think of that night
with every step you take

I put on some music
lit the candles that you love so much
those weird minty ones I think
I just want you relaxed tonight, right before we make love

I hope you liked those pics I sent
I know you like when I model for you
just know that all of this is waiting for my queen to take her throne
all for you, when you get home

You tell me to chase my dreams. Though you're in them.
You say Don't allow anyone to alter my  dreams.
You don't want me.
You've made up my mind for me.