when i think of you, my brain fills with white noise
like the muffled static on a TV screen, you were always something
that filled the void, that kept the emptiness occupied
but you're gone and i'm left here wringing my hands together
when the chorus of your favorite song comes on the radio, and
i cannot breathe, i cannot breathe, i cannot breathe
with all of these words draped around my neck,
with the weight of a thousand sharp memories that
still sting despite the thousands of times i've tried to demolish them

i used to dance endlessly to the beat of your heart,
but a music box can only wind so much, and now
i'm stuck listening to the same silent scream of
i want you, i want you, i want you,
i'm still addicted to every part of that familiar old voice
though i swore i was finally clean

every day that passes feels like the last page ripped out
of my favorite book, not even worth reading anymore
because i wouldn't want to waste my time reading a story
that ends without you by my side

Be smiled at and appreciated
by all the inhabitants on my world.

You would
be honored and noted
if you floated to my ocean
upon my shore on my island.

With palms bowed and coconut drinks
our festivities would be unlimited.

In a country I ruled, we would go physically hungry,
but too full with love,
we would not notice.

So we starve with smiles and  hold onto skeletons.
Is that any different?

my feet are cold
but i can't seem to to gather the strength that it takes to go and get a simple pair of socks.

i'm tired
i'm alone
i'm sleepy
and i need to finish my college applications.

why don't i have my life together yet?
why do my counselors expect me to?
i'm just a child.
i still cry when I watch scary movies.
i still need my mom to **** spiders for me.
i still have stuffed animals
and after years of knowing You
i still need Your approval.

i guess it's all my anxiety taking over,
but i've begun thinking about what i'm going to do when i leave,
when You leave.

what will happen?
will i cry?
will You?

i seem to cry lot lately.
i wonder if it has anything to do with our impending graduation.

i've had better days than this.
it's a shame they all involved You.
i'll never be good enough will i?
that's alright.
i've grown accustomed to Your rejection.

sad, isn't it?  
because no matter how hard i try,
all of these ****** poems will always lead me back to You.
i don't think You could care any less.

You make me want to die.

I love the colour of his skin,
And the warmth in his eyes,
I love the freckles dispersed across his nose,
The mark under his right eye,
I love his his brutally embarrassing dance moves,
that he calls me "my girl"
I love How he can throw me over his shoulder like a doll,
how he makes me feel beautiful, brilliant and ****,
I love How he calms me when I spiral,
How he makes me laugh so much I cry,
I love his clear ,crisp, distinct voice of reason,
And The little things he does to supprise me,
I love his road rage,
And How he makes me feel brave,
I love How hugs me when I cave,
His smell when I nuzzle in
I love how we never run out of topics,
How the day can fade away.
I don't love that he loves not just me,
The pain I've caused him,
Spit Roads to uncertainty,
I don't love how I fear he can sink and drown,
And I don't feel strong enough to rescue him,
To bring him back to safe ground like he could do for me,
I'm not qualified in that field, like she.
But what I don't love the most is even though I would try my hardest to save him I'm afraid he could drag us both down.

All three together, rock bottom searching for stable ground.

Poetry
Music
Sleep