I wage war
That's never been seen before
Is sanity worth fighting for?
I'm not really sure

Insanity?
A calamity?
I call it individuality!

Who is Society
To create this hypocrisy?!?
It seems like such a tragedy
To waste such ingenuity
To dull the creativity

Finding myself tired and uninspired
at least the bed left me today.
I did my laundry
what more do you want from me
I can't think of much else
in this haze.

Sometimes,
the passions stop.
I no longer see the sputtering
of yellow lines down
a highway

as something I could recreate
into a beautiful composition.

The sky is only grey
and no longer the keeper of
nostalgic malaise.

My feet only move me
when bothered for the trouble
and howl and moan
every mile of road
they encounter.

I don't have a real position on
the matter
when my thoughts scatter
and I'm left with hollow eyes
and a succulent consciousness
gone dry.
I don't have a snarky reply

just another useless day
I unwillingly offer up
to the unforgiving clock
and a loss of sentiment.

C.e.m.
3.10.15

I've been hiding for so long,
I've always been here.
Waiting for somebody to notice me.
I smile, I curve my lips,
But nobody gives me a second glance.

That real smile weeks ago has diminished to a fake,
A mask, I wear,
Concealing my true face.
They've pushed me to the sides,
As if I had never existed at all.

Since they didn't care for the real me,
This is who I've become,
A fragment of their nightmares.
That girl nobody cared for, she's crying,
The tears running down her face.

"nobody cares" "shut up"
They've all said to her.
Nobody gave her.... nobody gave ME...
A second glance.
I was a girl nobody cared for, the one swept underneath the bed.

Don't look under the bed at the girl with the hidden face,
Her face streaked with tears,
A broken and shattered heart.
She used to be real, but they turned her fake,
Nobody ever once cared.

But SHE looked.
That one girl... with the short dark brown hair,
Her eyes flicked with gold.
She looked under her bed, where the outcasts were sent,
And she actually saw me, instead of seeing past.

She had a smile that even a billion words could not capture,
She looked at me and said,
"Why hello there. I care about you."
And again the girl under the bed started to cry...
But this time it wasn't from sadness.

You said you were my friends,
You said that you'd tell me everything you thought about me,
You made promises to me that you couldn't keep..
It's my fault for believing you.

I believed every lie you said,
I even thought you were my bestest friend.
I loved you like a sister,
I thought you were my family.

I trusted you for the longest time,
But you've always been keeping secrets, haven't you?
You left out how much you hated me,
How much pain I caused you just by being near.

Were all your kind words and laughs... were they all fake?
Was I living a lie that I thought was right?
All I've ever done was wipe the tears from your cheeks...
But I was the one who caused them, wasn't I?

You told me ever stupid thing I've done wrong,
You yelled at me and shattered my heart,
You made me look like a fool in front of the entire class.
You laughed at me when you saw the tears in my eyes.

I learned the truth this day, this very day,
That every kind thing I've ever done was ridiculed.
That two of my best friends talked about me behind my back,
And pointed out my every flaw.

When you pointed out all my mistakes,
All the pain I never tried to cause,
You grinned and I cried.
My heart broke while yours grew stronger.

Nobody spoke up to defend me,
They just listened to your every word, believing every bit.
I can't even look myself in the mirror now,
Without my heart crumbling to dust.

All my friends that I've ever loved....
Why do they tell other people what I do, instead of coming to me?
Instead of telling me that I should fix it,
They talk behind my back... stabbing me with a ****** knife.

I've lost all control know, I can't take this pain anymore...
Why have you done this?
Was your goal, from the very beginning, aimed to break my heart?
I think, I understand now, whose fault it really is...

It's my fault for believing all my friends when they said I could trust them.
*(True story that happened about a month ago.

How she really feels inside,
She will never tell you.

The feeling in my heart was gone,
I had lost the will to live...
So I came up with a plan.
Slowly, and surely, I would push people away from me.
If everybody hated me, and nobody cared,
I could leave this world without causing heartache.

So I pushed my friends away, I shut down,
I made it so I only depended on myself.
The thing that made it worse,
Was that nobody fought back.
None of my friends ever asked if I was okay,
Nobody wanted to hear what I had to say.

The friends I believed were my own family,
They shrugged off my pain as if it never existed...
They didn't care if I pushed them away,
If I was cut off from the world.
Nobody spoke up. Nobody batted an eye.
So that was it. Now, I could finally be free...

But, if I'm still here,
Something must have happened.
If I'm still here to speak, to type my feelings,
Something must have changed my heart.
I can honestly say,
It was something I never expected. Something 'my plan' did not include.

My internet friends wouldn't let me die.
The friends I had never seen,
The friends I had never felt,
The friends who I'd never heard their voice.
But that day,
I heard them loud and clear.

I never met them,
But they felt more real than life.
I could feel their emotions, they connected with me,
They loved me for who I was.
They changed my mind about life, about death,
Something I never thought could ever happen.

I feel like I can hear their hearts through the keyboard,
I feel like I can hear their voice speak to my heart,
I feel their hands in mine when I need a friend,
I feel their fingers wiping away my tears when I can't hold back,
And I feel them take the knife from my hands.
They're building me up faster than I can tear myself apart.

Those friends...
They are REAL.