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 Mar 2015 CloudDreamer
xx
She does it with the water
She does it with her pain
She does it as her run
It's her best medicine

She's too weak
Her heart's very weak
Belittled and stomped
She's getting more bleak

Her only sunshine
Is the darkness
In the pits of the corners
Is where she sits with coldness

Her only nightmare
Is the light of the world
The more she's seen
The more she's haunted

She wishes her sunset
To come all at once
And leave this day
Leaving her not even an ounce

Though the medication
Is meant for a lifetime
Her dosages just won't stop
She's delirious and existing
Shallow breaths,
tight chest,
blurry vision,
No rest.
*******
by my thoughts:
make it stop...
‘give it all you’ve got.’
Head spinning,
hope dwindling.
Skin burning,
bones chilling.
Drowning in air
a sinking ship;
dying of thirst,
and I don’t get a drip.
Surrounded by an ocean
and I can’t see
anything.
I can’t hear
for the life of me.
This feeling
I swear
is killing 
me.

Whispering:
“give in
don’t get up
stay home
you’re not enough.
Even if there’s nothing wrong:
walk out the door
and harm
will come”
This ubiquitous feeling
draping
over me,
enveloping
everything,
wet,
and weighted...
bet you’ve never hated
someone so much
you’d stab them in the chest
and without a moments rest
grab them at the throat
so tight they can’t whisper a note
and leave them wondering
if they’ve even given their best
after their whole self feels negated.

**This hate,  
this punishment 
or something,
draped
over me
so viciously
is known as:
Anxiety.
Darling, look at what we've done
The mess we've made takes more than cleaning up
It takes time to disappear
or we'll no longer care
About the words we said
Like where we'd be when we are dead
Or how our daughter would hate her mother
And I'd be her sweet, beloved father.

I had this dream and I was me.
More importantly the person I want to be
maybe I saw you there with me
I'm not sure. I'd like to think
It was you and me

When you left, I felt the change
And everything is making sense
I understand but not inside
Our bodies were meant hide
What we fear the most of life
Where am I? Who am I?
Did you ever exist?
Or was it all a dream?

Hallucinations of you
And him.
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