It seemed reckless and harsh
The way I led you on
The way I told you I care for you freely
But it was never that
I was in shackles and I never let myself slip
Oh imagine what we could’ve been
You were a dream come true
You were what I wish I could be
Passionate and poetic in every sense
Oh the way you cared for me
And the way I never felt I could be anyone but me
But I held on to the whisper of my past
What if this was an obsession like any other love I’ve had
What if you lost interest in me
and left me be the shell of a person who had hope in better memories

“ I am fading just like your colors do”
That’s what I wrote in the middle of it, in the deepest whole depression can dig
How could such bright colors represent such pitch black mood
Thought coloring will help, but coloring won’t do
Now looking at it, why do i still love the color blue after you?

To feel fear and not write it in your words
clinch and grind
To slowly try to swallow and speak despite the choked throat
To form words and intentionally write them wrong
You know that only you would read them so why make them instantly lost?
Confess and tell yourself
What is it that you truly fear?
The absence of someone who was truly there?
To only touch the surface? And nothing beyond, of someone who was truly there.

You’ve always said to me “keep your eyes closed; I don’t wanna see your misery”
And you’ve said “ cry out loud cry out loud to the point where I don’t hear”
So I cried loud enough till the moon heard me and I talked to the echoes where my words faded into silence.

Why am i loving this feeling?
Buzz, the killing type
Don't know but, in a way I know exactly
What's going on
Trying to interface, between I and the photos that you call real life
Gathering actions, it takes me a few minutes to understand.

Barely catching a breath
Nearly falling of the edge
So close to finding yourself
So far away from knowing it.

**** they're playing him sad songs
Sad songs for a warrior, songs, that mess with his head
So even when he dies he'd think he deserved it

Just like chalk and paper,
Soundless sounds i hear
Just like the lyrics you write,
Feelings that don’t exist apear
Red flags, yellow flags and all of the colors
But, i see only grey up here.

I knew, I knew, I’ve always known
You’re not here to stay
I’ve been writing poems since the start
I’ve gotta comfort myself in the end
I’ve always wished, the peace is in the end
What we lived wasn’t reality, but we tasted the bitterness, we cried together
I stayed for yours
Mine wasn’t enough for you to stay
Either the druging highs or the numbing lows
Ours wasn’t meant to be in the between
We were that weak
Don’t ask me if it was real
The numbness for sure was surreal.

You are you to yourself before dawn
You are you to yourself when you are waiting for sunlight to be sunshine
You are you to yourself when you climb the mountain you fell from
You are you to yourself when a laugh end with tears
And most importantly, you are you to yourself when the beautiful sea
Makes you wonder why are we even here?

I don't care
That's what my mom says
It's not fair, that's what my heart says
justice? Who does it these days
I’m ok but my heart disagrees, you know it's only good when you say it's good
Don't calm me down, don't even say it's okay cuz those tears never fall with out me saying “no please no” so i suffer then i let them go
But you will never know, that's the way I choose to go
Don't cry baby don't cry, just wipe your tears and fly, it won't be easy but, at least
You won't die
So I hope you try it's a trip to haven.