God, what I would give for one more moment with your lips pressed against mine, your hands running down my spine, but the thought feels so sickening. A sickeningly sticky sweet fantasy.

Every waking moment is a reminder of your departure.

I still see you in the window, the wind blowing the curtains behind you, your silhouette perfectly outlined by the morning sun. The scent of your perfume still lingers throughout the house, as if you had only just left for work. You should have quit working there a long time ago; they didn’t treat you right, so why did you feel that you just had to keep smiling and put up with it?

But nights are the hardest. I can’t stop hearing your laughter as I try to sleep, but the bed is so cold without your warmth. My dreams are plagued by your face, but even so, I’ve noticed it’s begun to fade, so much so that I feel I can only see you in the pictures that hang on our walls.


I can’t keep from wondering what those final moments were like for you. Did you think of me or did it go dark in an instant, quick and painless? Why does he get to keep on living when you don’t? He is the one who messed up, so why did you have to pay for his mistakes? But he walked away, so intoxicated that he had no true grasp of the situation, yet neither did I. Would I have known, I wouldn’t have…

It doesn’t matter, not anymore.

You were the one shining light in my life to live for, but now that you’re gone, I’m left without a reason to keep going. But, I have a plan to see you again. After all, I have nothing I’d regret leaving behind. I know what you’d say about it, but let me have this one selfish wish; this is the only thing left that matters to me.

See you soon, my love.

So your sitting there talking on the phone
but in your statement your standing all alone

You can’t play the game of a one time mistake
you’ve done it before, so we know it’s all fake

A defense against an attack never made
you were the one who started the charade

To pin the blame on those that you hurt
put all those around on heightened alert

A stalker, a hater, a bully and the like
the names you called, putting a friendship on strike

But it never seems to be that you think it through
cuz every single one only applied to you

I may not be
the perfect little angel
made of stone and clay


And I may not be
The right one for you
But there's other fish in the sea

So why
So why do you keep coming back to me?

We fight all the time
Is it not clear we weren't meant to be

I really can't lie
It's getting hard to try

But you don't stop
And neither do I

Because in the end
I love you too

Don't Talk to me
You put me through misery
I can only see your face

I still see you in my dreams
you know what you did to me

The perfect little angel
Lost it's wings today

How can you fly without your wings *****


Were you so caught up
In beating me down
That you never heard
my cries to stop?

I wanna watch you crumble
I wanna watch you burn
Hurt yourself and fall to the floor

Just breathe you're doing fine

Why can't you see me too
Time moves on without you


Cuz the pain in my brain
is drivin me insane

Try to enjoy yourself
cuz you won't remember a thing



If you hurt me, I'll hurt you too

Why can't I seem to forget you



Just breathe, you're doing fine

I know that
they love you
So I cant help
but notice
I'm talking
to myself
again


But at least
I am trying
To make it easy
But you can't even lie
You don't try
But i'm still losin my mind over you
-------------------------------------------
you said that you're sorry
but I'm still stuck in your mess

and i tried so desperately
over and over again

to forget that cold heart
without burning hatred

I'm crying, you're lying
get out of my head

and I'm feeling so hopeless
all over again

i cant help that I'm tired
i just wanna lay in my bed
------------------------------
I can't stop it
I can't stop it
I can't stop it anymore
------------------------------

I speak my mind
And I speak my heart
I'll live my life
And I'll play my part

So what about you
With your laughing'n smile
Couldn't clean up your own mess
Do what you want and leave it to the rest

Cuz girl you did me *****
You closed your mind
So close your mouth

I can't help the fact
That I keep hating you
But every time I try to think
My thoughts keep coming back to you
-----------------------------------
you said that you're sorry
but I'm still stuck in your mess

and i tried so desperately
over and over again

to forget that cold heart
without burning hatred

I'm crying, you're lying
get out of my head

and I'm feeling so hopeless
all over again

i cant help that I'm tired
i just wanna lay in my bed
---------------------------------
I can't stop it
I can't stop it
I can't stop it anymore


I can't stop thinking about you

Don't get mad
I want you to stay
I can't stand
to be so far way

Don't feel bad
I can't hear no more
You know I couldn't
See you anyway

What is it like
To be you
When they fall over
But you can't hold on

You play it cool
As you strum your guitar
And music fills the room
And that's why I'll always
Look up to you

What is it like
To take a step in your shoes
But there's too much to fill
When they are two sizes too big

Trapped in our own worlds
That we can't escape
Wondering what fate decides
But everyone knows
That curiosity killed the cat

What is it like
When you look at me
Who am I to you
Did you ever think of me as a friend?

I need to leave here
It's too intoxicating
It's too distracting
I come here too often

Everyone who became
A big part of my life
Has left
Except for you
You're still here

But why?

We linger on in this world
Of dreams
I waited for your words

I checked
And I checked again
This empty feeling
Here is where it began



Searching for purpose
Waiting for someone to realize
That I'm here
I've been watching

When you are excited
And when you cry
I want to talk
But I don't know how or why

We used to be so close
The world
So lively to me
Even though your face was never seen

You meant the world to me
You were always on my mind
But now you are gone
I don't know
If it's even worth it to try

In the past I reached out
With only a simple response
In return
Because before
You were a friend
Who I could count on till the end

But now I wonder
Do you remember me?
Do you know that I am still here
Longing for you to speak
To me
Late at night
Or in the day
I don't care
If it's lighthearted or deep
You were the last one left
But then you turned away

It's not your fault
Our lives moved on
It's different no
Perhaps I'm the one
In the wrong

So I say goodbye
With little grace
Because I still see you
And even if you don't find me
I will always find you

Loud

Too loud

One Breath

Now Another



Red

Blue

Red

Blue



My lungs strained to breathe through this fiery hell

I can hear their screams now

Too late

It’s much too late now









Your eyes

Your eyes

No

That’s not it



It never was





Lying

Stop lying to me

I know you didn’t

You never did



It’s fun

It’s fun

But then you left





I can’t help

I can’t help but wonder

Why

Why you left me?



Caught

Red-Handed

You lie so easy



You know

I know

Can’t change

Can’t change



So stop

Just stop

Never listened

Never cared



So stop

Just stop

Can’t hear

Can’t hear you anyway



Eyes

Eyes

But they aren’t yours

It’s a light

It’s a lie

It’s all over now

I’m over the moon

Falling for you

But I’m still stuck here

Daydreaming about you



I saw you standing

Up high in your tower

So why can't I be

Your knight in shining armor



If goldilocks found

the perfect porridge

Then why can’t I be

The right one for you



And jack climbed his beanstalk

But I’m grounded on earth

For your heart is the dragon

That I must slay



And peter pan

Took the kids to neverland

But I’m still dreamin

Of the things we won’t have



If goldielocks found

The perfect porridge

Then why can’t I be

The right one for you



So let’s just live

You and I

Just the two of us

In our own fairytale

I don’t want to be here

But I don’t want to go home



I want to have friends

But I want to be alone



I just want to be myself

But it’s me that I hate



They said to hold on

But that’s longer than I can wait

Forever a war

Between two souls

Who never meant to hurt each other

Who lost their minds long ago



They yelled and screamed

And got lost in the fight

Their nations fell

And they came crashing down together



(Together they fall)



(Together they fall)



(Together they fall)

You took my light away

And let me stumble in the darkness

Why do you do this to me

I asked you to stop

But you dragged me back

Kicking and screaming all the while

I’m drowning in the flood

That you created

Oh, to be a kid again

Aloft in a blissful dream

But now I have lost

The ability to speak

So now I can only watch

As the children go by

And wish I could be happy too

They yell at you

Avoided like a plague

But you never did anything wrong

  

Because they're blind

Like a deer in headlights

Oblivious to the inside

  

You're just a fox

That's all they see

And that, they can never look past

  

Your light that shines

Never given a chance

Never given a chance to prove yourself

  

B e c a u s e   y o u ' r e   j u s t   a   d i r t y   f o x

The kid is talking to themself again

And gets called a freak

But they don’t care

Because they always have someone there




“Your friends aren’t real.”

Said the child’s mother

The kid covered their ears and ran

But the friend only smiled




The laughs that cried

Out into the night

So their parents came

To shut off the bedroom light




“It’s time to grow up”

Said the father

But the true friend offered an escape

And reached out their hand




The darkness shifted

To the world of dreams

And then they ran

Hand in hand




“You child is lost in an illusion

“They need to get rid of it”

Tears in their eyes, not wanting to let go

But when they turned around, there was nothing there




So they grew up alone

A life now forgotten

There was no one to talk to

So they cried themself to sleep




“Just make some real friends”

I told them

But then I realize

You were never there all along

I’m tired

Of trying all the time

Even when surrounded by people

I feel so  a l o n e




A body without a soul

Leave it behind to rest

Let the world carry on

Without me




I listen to the same songs

Over and over again

Because nothing else

Is loud enough to drown out the pain




Oh, to be a kid again

With no need to overthink

To see the light again

Without drowning myself in the kitchen sink




I want to leave behind

This heavy heart

And fly away to my neverland

Living my life inside a hopeless daydream




I want to be held in your arms

As you talk with that calming voice

So I drift off

And fall asleep

When their eyes meet
And I wish I was you
I'd be holding your hand
Oh what would I do


I can't see the world
When covered in cloud
Will everything change
If you lift up this shroud


You fill my dreams
On the lonely nights
If only you were here
To shine down your lights


I'm hopelessly chasing
A dream I can't pursue
My head is spinning (a)round
Trying to find you


I can't walk straight
When you aren't here
But I've long since accepted
That you'll soon disappear




All I want
Forever no more than a dream
Is to know what it's like
to be loved by you~

For those who didn’t make it

and couldn’t handle

when the cruel world

came crashing down upon them




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




When the time came

that your fantasies ended

and reality

showed its ugly face







They hurt you

When all you wished for was peace

And the daylight

seemed so far out of reach




They said to stay strong

And they told you to fight

when you had nothing left

when you couldn’t find

anything

to fight for




Because it’s just a problem

something to fix

just give them some pills

and make them talk




Shallow words

give little comfort

when all they say is

e v e r y t h i n g   w i l l   b e   o k a y




They said to stay strong

And they told you to fight

when you had nothing left

when you couldn’t find

anything

to fight for




Everyone just needs time

they said

but it was too late

to save you

A child

all alone

in the darkness

a time when

their world of fantasy

no longer there

to support them




As she walks on the unstable ground

all she wants is someone there

to keep her from falling

in this pool of confusion




But she couldn’t speak

The words don’t come out right

So instead she learned

not to talk at all




It worked

for a while

When the bottle broke

She could only blame herself

as she picked back up the pieces

ready to start all over again

Why wish to go back

when you can take a step forward

i reached out my hand

but you denied




I get it’s hard

I get its new

but i’m here for you

for when you are ready

to move on

and travel down

the path

of life




After all

you are just a kid

a kid who doesn’t want to grow up

a kid who wants to stay

in your world of fairytales







But when reality

came crashing down

you were unprepared




we all warned you




for some

it takes longer than others

some don’t take much time at all

to co-exist in this world

where we have no room to dream




But in the end

everyone must find their own way

their own way to keep living on

all I can do is help you along the way




Sometimes it’s hard

Living life this way

I look back at the simple times

but we all have to grow up someday




So i want to lend you a hand

If i can’t stop from moving forward

i want to extend my reach




I feel so far away

It seems we are on the opposite sides

of the universe

But it’s somewhere in between

that’s what kept us together




Don’t be afraid

to try new things

maybe you will find

your solution




I want to show you

this new world

all you need to do

is take

the

first

step

Warning: Suggestive Content
TV Girl Inspired song


Laughing

the party

it was a bit too loud

but we didn't care




The smell of cigarettes

the warm humid air between the bodies

we were young and dumb

maybe that's all there was to it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had too much to drink

and so did i

one thing led to another

and the door shut behind us




You liar

you fool

i gave you what you wanted

is this the harsh truth




The next time I saw you

you tried once more

but you never looked at me

for i was long out of your memory

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I figured out your plan

but all too late

you think your smart

but your actions cause hate




I can't stand to see you

and your stupid smile

You play around

for you

there are no consequences




You keep breaking their hearts

It will come back someday

When no one is left

to play




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had too much to drink

and so did i

one thing led to another

and the door shut behind us




You liar

you fool

i gave you what you wanted

is this the harsh truth




The next time I saw you

you tried once more

but you never looked at me

for i was long out of your memory

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







\\\\\­\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

You talk and talk

but you never do

you call me what you want

but you never pay attention
to who you *****

so now you blame me

for your broken heart

but on the other side

you always did it too

what a pitiful hypocrite

did you not listen

or did i not make my intentions clear?

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had too much to drink

and so did i

one thing led to another

and the door shut behind us




You liar

you fool

i gave you what you wanted

is this the harsh truth




The next time I saw you

you tried once more

but you never looked at me

for i was long out of your memory

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







You *****

I bet it wasn't your first time

your first time abandoning

the one who loved you

Why do you ignore me

Do my words mean nothing to you

I told you to stop

But you never did




If you have decided

To keep going

Then go off your own way

And leave me behind




I want to scream

I want to cry

It was never my intention

To say goodbye




But even with

Your intentions

That I never know

If they are good or bad




You made the choice so easy




We tried to ignore our differences

And leave the past behind

But no matter how hard we tried

We just couldn’t take it off our mind




You can say what you want

But why should I listen

When I showed you the darkest parts of me

You tore me apart

And left my heart

Broken in two




I tried to be so open

But you just couldn’t accept

When I didn’t think the same thing as you

And tried to turn me

Into another version of you




It doesn’t matter anymore

I guess it’s even now

You hurt me

And I hurt you

The broken promises

Pile up in the corner

Left behind

A feeling of guilt

Evaded

Because no one can remember

The oath once sworn

When lost to the power of time










The unfinished ideas

Flowing freely like a river

Always starting

Quite plentiful

Until all that’s left

Is a trickle

For all things

Are forgotten with time




Words on a paper

Mark down the past

Yet it only takes

A single act

To go away forever

The shredded pieces

Fall before your eyes

Maybe one day

They say

You will find out why

The reason you are here

But that will have to wait for another time




When the act began

You found no way to stop

Backs turned

Eyes glared

Curses flew

And all towards you

Thrown to the side

They don’t remember you

Wishful thinking

That it was just at the wrong time










A word once spoken

A commitment lost

An excuse made

I was busy

It wasn’t my fault

Because no one can admit

That they forgot

That they never even cared

Knowing that one day you will forget

Because nothing escapes

The power of time

The sky above me

Exploding with colors

Eyes filled with awe

The ground shaking beneath my feet




But when you close your eyes

And hear the exploding bombs

It reminds me of

The war

They fought

For our country







A document signed

on the fourth of July

A pen gliding

across such

an important piece

of our history

our lives







A birthday celebrated

across the states

does anyone

stop

to think




How did we get here?