I
am
nothing
like
my
dad.

What would it be like
to die on the vine?
"You spin and you drown
searching for a rhyme."

I know there are many here who pray,  
So if my words aren't yours today,  
Please turn away, for this is mine—  
A truth I carry, yours not to define.  

When they speak of God, their voices pure,  
I can't take it in, can't feel secure.  
For God was not there when I called,  
In moments dark, when I had fallen.  

I search for answers in the silence, deep,  
Wondering why I was left to weep.  
So when they speak of faith and grace,  
I question if it's just a trace.  

I don’t deny their right to believe,  
But in my heart, there's a different weave.  
For God was absent when I needed light,  
Leaving me alone in the longest night.

Eyes on me
Ones that I can clearly see
It gets creepy once I notice multiple of them
Look, I know I'm pretty but that's a bit too far

I see your eyes trained on me
As if you were a nasty beast
Ready to pounce on your prey
It makes it weird since all of them are eyes of a adult
Making me more uncomfortable

Following me to my car
Following me to my home
Following me afar
Following me til I roam

Unsettling
They all seem to have lust in their eyes
Looking at me up and down
They ain't doing it with a frown

Leave me alone
Just a young 12 year old minding my business
If you have a certain bone
Don't talk to me
Simple

it's a long way down
but i'm good at waiting for the end
in the myriad sea of faces
i don't think i see a familiar friend
sometimes, i feel so terrifyingly alone
please, can you fix this feeling of despair
and free me from this never-ending nightmare?

Once you drew me naked,
And I did not recognize the man,
A stranger in my skin,
I couldn’t trace where I began.

& really, do you even mean what you say? why do we feel like a trap, you were never supposed to be a prison stay. in all actuality you freed me. i mean, at least that’s what i used to think. now i guess i just feel used. finding myself wanting to go back to the forgotten days. how'd i ever let it get this far? hell, where do i begin? your smile. your lips. a promise, never to be fulfilled. an ache, a need, a dismissed agenda. words cannot express the pain that forms when you say you don’t remember. is there something that i missed? i can’t help myself from going back. i voluntarily drown in our memories. you fill my lungs, take my breath, you can keep everything that’s left.