RyanMJenkins

RyanMJenkins Dec 2013

Tired of wearing your heart on your sleeve?
Then go sleeveless.

I took my whole shirt off,
But still can't iron out the creases

People fall like leaves,
Engaging in various releases

Some get carried away
Leaving behind important pieces.

That being said
Gonna meditate and lay in bed.
Drift off,
replenish my energy
With a divine lucid fantasy,
Not only through rhyme
...but in my eyes...
you can see what meant so much to me

* shuts down

RyanMJenkins Dec 2013

Secret adoration mesmerizing my intricate energies

Because of that moment, you were led here,
If that had not happened, this wouldn't be
Everything happens, making other things clear
Just never woulda guessed that you'd be so important to me

Simple little actions, fingertip movements, linked us into conversation
An open bridge was built that night for our souls to travel across freely
Emotionally jumped into each others' soulful arms, without hesitation
Each message read was like a piece of our heart that we were inadvertently stealing

Every time your face popped up on my screen,
My heart would nearly skip a beat
Right now, many miles lay inbetween
But in roughly two weeks our bodies will finally meet.

Already in you I've let myself be vulnerable, comfortably
The pictures we paint with words depict something I can really see
I feel each slightest touch as if you were here enveloped in me, effortlessly
We've already raised each others' spirits and expanded frequencies
I think about you being here, or me there, frequently.
Thinking of hugging you instills a kind of peace in me,
Call it tranquility...simple pleasantries.. call it anything..

~So long as it involves love~

You say I've done so much for you
But words are never enough.
Just symbols, to represent, stuff
Independent to the perspective

I just hope I symbolized meaning that was effective

How much I care.. I really meant it
Because if I didn't mean the content, I wouldn't have sent it

Hearts on the sleeves with arms extended
For any wound in your soul I wanna mend it.
Anything on your mind you can come to me and vent it.
I at least have a little bit of time left, I wanna come to you and spend it.
We're gonna have to take advantage of time spent, so to not regret it
Already deep within me you are embedded,
Talked so much in a short period, just know everything was true when I said it

Just as it is in the current, riding waves of light that'll promise us at least one night.

Frigid, snowy weather,
yet warm together~

It's our endeavor to better ourselves,
And I'll always be there for you when you need help.
I tend to move in stealth, but I make myself known.
My daydreams, embraced by you feels so at home.
If you're ever down, feeling alone
I'm here, pick up the phone, no matter the time zone
I'll send my electrified vibes flying through the air faster than a drone

Love,
some say it's tossed around too much,
But I say too little
They put rules and complications on it,
trying to find an answer to the riddle
I told you I could say it to strangers
But it's hard, romantically speaking,
as if there's impending danger.
But if the feeling's true we shouldn't waiver
For there's no guaranteeing there'll be a later

Even though right now I'm feeling blue,
I have nothing but love for you,
You make me think of brighter colors
Meshing energies like long lost lovers

<3

RyanMJenkins Dec 2013

My late, furry friend

I was riding high until some thoughts passed by.
Saw a few pictures and memories flooded the very limited space in my head
Levees feel like they're about to break through tear ducts, yet still afraid to cry.
But now, at this point there's been many I shed

Very sensitive connections kept us together.
You couldn't speak English, but still spoke through your action
Came by my side during storms that I could not weather.
I wish I knew how fast your time was passing

Sometimes I took your companionship for granted
Often not investing thought in the moment.
Stood by me, even when life.. I couldn't stand it
Now I'm thinking about your fate and how I wished I could've controlled it

Anytime I was home, you made me conscious of your calls
Whenever I was in my own bed you made sure to join me
It's as if now, without you, I'm getting withdrawls.
A bond beyond brotherhood draped in comfortability

The week I house sat for my mom, will remain with me always
Laying on the floor depressed, not only because you were dying
Still get choked up, knowing we showed each other love, before your next phase
But to keep you alive, some witnissed to see how hard I was trying

Weeks later after I moved, I woke up in Nevada thinking "where'd Austin go?"
I swear I felt you, and thought you were there, even though it may've not made sense
Know you're still in my heart, and were always so blissfully pleasant to hold.
I still feel you, and will always make room for your presence

You were the one cat I knew that would actually jump into my arms from the floor, on command.
You held on, never scared as if you didn't wanna let go
Literally wrapped your paws around my neck in a hug-like embrace, or should i say - little hands.
Spent more time together than most of the humans I know

I miss you buddy, and the feelings haven't changed.
Some may think caring this much about an animal is strange.
Truth is we're all animals, and I'll see you at the next stage <3

RyanMJenkins Dec 2013

Make love to life

Life is so, mmm~

Don't hold back,
Taste it,
Consume it,
Really Live through it - while it's here
Hold loved ones near, and smear memories on canvas.
Accept change because not everything goes how we plan it.
Love, completely with honesty.
So long as I'm around I'll only give you all of me.
So let's release in the breeze, plant seeds and watch family trees grow.
Life's a dance so manage to take chances, cuz otherwise, ya never know~

short and sweet, much like life can sometimes be~

RyanMJenkins Dec 2013

Creating a spark in the dark (Choose to refuse self-induced Abuse)

Somewhere along the line I broke my internal compass.
Already inhaled our poisoned water, fearful of not reaching the surface.
Never knowing the right direction, leaves me left alone.
Done so much to weather this body, not as clear cut as a broken bone.
I just feel I want to go that way.
Eye see what I want - stumble, blackout, and stray.

Script already written, but the characters are constant variables.
Knowing everything in our heads is all malleable
Reading in between the lines searching for guarantees,
Feelings come influx.. and then slowly flee

Anchor me down to anything.

Sinking into a black tar pit abyss, wondering when I'll leave.
But maybe my soul was always meant to roam foreign zones, alone, free.
It's in moments like these where to thoughts I feel shackled to, can't release.
It becomes a hassle to feel happy, struggling to properly breathe.

Maybe no world is the same as yours
Each path has perfectly placed locked doors,
That's as individual to you as what you soak into your pores.
Getting *****, but we still want more.

It'll soon be time to graduate from our physical capabilities,
But man, how did I go so long without seeing the synchronicities?

I bleed red, I'm tired, but true.
I can't bridge past the fact that I don't know if this is for me or you.

My monster of malice,
Helps me hold high, the aluminum chalice.
Knowing these roads don't help feed my head,
Left Alice in bed for the next adequate depressant threshold
Draining my spirit and the malicious comes back-
Writing down symbols, using me as a vessel.

This dream of a life can be stressful
My walls I am enclosed in has become a mess hole.
Halls with trophies that look much like alcohol bottles.. oh wait.
Little victories! - I'm still here.
Make the liquid disappear so you can see the skewed you a little more clear.
I make the art of dying look so graceful,
Just hoping before the expiration date I left you with something tasteful.

My genes are tearing at the seams.
Glittered with fractured beams of half- hope
Slipped down the rope before I saw the light
Shining down on disappointment.
Been joyously walking to the liquor store for my alcoholic ointment.

Too much cancer, fresh internal scars, and airbrushed perspectives.
It's too bad we mostly only look at our exterior when being reflective.
*** becomes a place where we can forget.
It happened for more than hormones, yet many tend to regret.
People can run off course and divorce themselves when ******* leads to remorse
But the choice is yours.
Then we develop new feelings whether intended or not.
A home for new wounds, just waiting to clot.

We're simply riding through life chemically imbalanced,
Happiness turns to madness, sadness, numb.
Jumping from this feeling to that, this person to them.
Firing more into the overworked synapses that overreact through connection
When you clash with your mind, and embody all it's destructive four course meals
It eventually takes control over your entire life, robbed blind, an easy steal.
Peel away each sentence, and bask right now in the surreal,
Make a deal to be your divine self and let the soul show ya what's real.

In these very limited bodies, currently, time is currency. *
With your unlimited potential act purposefully-
Spend the ticks wisely to enrich your soul.
Mind plays tricks from time to time, never let it have control
Open your third eye and dare to be bold
Strengthen vibrations with intent to share the love
and you'll be riddled with appreciation without deviation,
From the heaven within us all, to the heavens above~

But I trust our spirits know our way around the blueprint.
Despite the many unseen forces, forever at play.
Look deeper into the depths like an enthusiastic student
**Reality is just a matter of what you believe; namaste~

RyanMJenkins Nov 2013

Today marks 5 years

No one knows how long it'll last
But We all have a time limit,
This is why we can't spend too much time on the past,
But we should definitely learn from it.

Whether it be, the things we could have done,
Or the things we regret we did,
We remember those close to us but are now gone.
Kinda makes you wish you could go back to being a kid.

The carefree days,
When everyone was outside and played.
Even as a little me, I knew the people wouldn't always stay
Just made the most of the time i had with people, it was the only way.

But for my dad and I we never had a bond while I was growing up.
Not knowing, and even having a grudge against the man was surely rough.
I just knew, the life I had, it wasn't enough.

I always knew there was something more, something to look forward to.
I knew people would die along the way, but I didn't think it'd be you.
Nothing but a few myspace messages, a hat, and a picture will I have to reminisce
18 years is too long to hold a grudge, after all you n ma were the reason for my genesis.

I thoroughly enjoyed the conversations we had, finding out we have so much in common,
To you telling me how great of a person mom is.
You didn't have to tell me though, it was more for you.
It's too bad you were never here to watch as I grew.

I turned 18 November 2, 2thousand and 8
not a great day, but life was straight.
It was maybe a few months after our 2nd message convo
exactly 2 weeks later and our chances of meeting were no more

Said you wanted to fly me down, maybe around christmas
meet the whole family, clear things up between us.
you didn't say that last 5, but I definitely knew we would've
If the opportunity came up sooner, I definitely knew we could've.

14 days after that birthday
I get blown up on Myspace, to the news that you passed away.
Your sister, and your ex-lover both told me.
I was in shock, a whole range of emotions that no one would see.

Right then I had to write a letter of consent
To grant your wish, to be cremated
Nowhere did i go, or even turn to anyone to vent
Regretting my lifelong grudge, that I had created.

Justin would've done it, but I was the eldest son
Clicked "send" on the fateful email, and my only gift to you was done
Well dad, while you were here I hope you had a lot of fun.
Too bad the stress and the powder ultimately ended your run

I have close friends, that wanted to go with to meet you
It's too unfortunate that your struggle had to defeat you.
We would've kicked it off better than either of us could anticipate
From that point on I knew you'd always be in my life, and participate.

I'm not gonna blame you for anything though, based on what I know now, you were a great person.
The one you never knew, is always gonna be a hurt son,
But i'm not gonna take my life for granted.
I'm gonna appreciate what I have and not fret if things don't go how I planned it.

Not gonna lie though, there's a void that'll never see closure
When I think about you it's sometimes hard to keep composure
You and me, we would've been good for each other.
You'll still live on though, through me, and my brother.

Accepting your loss, affects me more than anyone'll ever know
Can't get stuck, gotta look forward and grow.
It's extremely hard sometimes, but I know I must.
Just like you said on your profile "IN ROD WE TRUST"

Rest in Peace:

Rodney Poehler 12/12/70 - 11/16/2008

this poem's almost 4 years old, stumbled upon it the other day..

RyanMJenkins Nov 2013

Still hurts, but I know you're looking down with love

I have a friend that recently passed away...
saw an old post of his, uplifting, regarding father's day..
I could only muster this to say...

"man..

Brent, you raised us. Raised our spirits with your love and healing vibrations. You offered us so much and I cherish every conversation. Half the times I look at the sky I think of ya, but "Jah" already know this. Til we meet again, have fun surfin' those eternal waves of bliss.

Namaste, and unconditional love
From the heaven in our hearts to the heaven above~"

I love you man, I know you hear me when I speak