i saw him today
he was wearing grey
he never wears grey
he wears blues and reds
purple and beige
but never grey
why was he wearing grey?
i don’t know why it bothers me
or why everything he does still effects me
even though he left me
i’m angry that he’s changed
cuz im still the same
and i hate me that way
and why does he get to be happy after everything he did to me?
because i’m still crying about that random friday 8 months ago
i wish i could hate him
despise him
forget him
but he’s everywhere
he’s in the words posted on my wall
in the tears that i wipe from my face in the stall
he’s in my clothes, in my bed, in my head
and in the sky with every sunset
people say he misses me
but if that’s so true why did he move on so easily?
cuz he’s dating my friend

well we’re not friends
not anymore
that girl
i trusted
i confided in
yet she went in found him
said i lied to him
and then said she loved him
she made him leave me
resent me
hate me
yet i’m kind to her
i include her and welcome her
heck i even sit with her when no one else will because they hate what she did to me
but still she talks about me to him
blinds him from the truth
she’s saying i hate him when that will never be true
i miss him
i love him, not romantically but unconditionally
and i really wish he knew it too
but, yeah, i saw him today
he was wearing grey

she sees him
and her stomach flips

those eyes
and his smile
make her fall more and more

she never seen someone so perfect

he sees her
his heart swells

her gorgeous face
her kind voice
he longs for her

but to him, she deserves someone perfect

My scars re-open,
Every time I hear your name,
I wish that they would just heal.

You told me you missed me,
but that was a lie,
because the only thing you missed,
was the ability to play with my mind.

i have these voices in my head

with me when i’m awake or in bed
when i’m smiling and happy
they come and break my peace
telling me weird things
that make me lose my ease

they tell me i won’t get better
they tell me i don’t matter
they tell me one day ill be dead
so why not get it over with instead

the voices are evil and cold
but they comfort me when i’m all alone
they tell me to do things to myself
and be sure that no one knows

oh the voices in my head
they walk me to my death

How do you come to hate,
The ones you loved?
You don't.
They tend to turn on you,
Either that,
Or they weren't real at all.
I forsake any shard of regret I had,
From leaving you,
I regret any feeling I had,
From loving you.
If anyone lost here,
It was you.
Because you'll fall back into emptiness,
Trying to replace it with people,
But I, I will not.
I'll continue to cradle my own light,
Which you came so close to taking.
I'm done sacrificing pieces of me,
In order to receive nothing.

I sat in my living room, talking to Death
“Why are you not afraid of me?” he said
I looked him in the eyes and spoke
“I’m not scared to die — my heart already broke”

He gently lifted his head, and I saw
In his eyes, a pain — an emotion so raw
He looked at me and said through teary eyes:
“Once, my love, there will be peace and no more silent cries"

I cried and screamed, “Why not now? Why not today?”
He touched my hand and looked in a peaceful, kind way
“My dear, your life isn’t done, it hasn’t even really begun
You don’t live, but just exist. Please, my dear, try to live — I insist.”

Words, as beautiful as they are,
Can't capture the feeling of relief
After harming the skin you were given
By "God".
They'll never capture the guilt
After putting the tool away,
The feeling of being cared for while you clean your own cuts,
The promise of never doing it again,
And the betrayal of your own words