A star you were,
A star you are,
A star you shall always be,
Forever in eternity.
I got to know you,
Know you true,
Accept the good with the bad,
Because that was you.
Forever a piece of you shall remain with me, because you were my Grandmother and shall always be.
(Dedicated to Star Horne)

Sometimes there are just no words,
to describe that empty place that we feel inside,
that place we go when we want to hide.
It's when we feel a great loss,
a pain we cannot place,
or maybe a memory we'd rather erase.
The impulse of deprivation,
followed by agitation.
An impelling force of sadness
that if only we could describe,
maybe we could navigate some release
allow ourselves to let it go and find some peace.
In this moment I have found no words,
it doesn't mean I don't hurt,
it doesn't mean I'm without regret,
to me,
this place does say,
that without you I feel empty.

I wasn't supposed to say what you did,
I was supposed to let you walk on me
because that's what you made me feel I deserved,
to put you above myself.
Truth be told what you did was wrong,
you toiled with me to bring my guard down,
I was unnerved by your song.

You hurt me,
I didn't see it coming as I was hypnotized by your melody.
Telling myself I expected nothing,
but I gave everything.
Why the game?
Why pretend that my feelings shouldn't exist
when your actions are the shame.

You lifted me up high
so my fall was so much deeper.
You romanced me and made me feel like I was a keeper.
You ignored your own song
and mistook my love for weakness,
now you know I'm strong and your song echos cruelness.

Truth be told the trick is over,
I won't fall again, my voice is bolder.

In hiding I bare
Addiction has brought me their.
It's snare is dark,
The devil so inviting,
Whispering, "I need it"
The trick is he's lying.
Just a swallow,
Feel my burn,
As life ticks death in turn.

You **** my sweat and tears,
All you require is to ****** my life by years.
You bleed me dry,
Nothing I can reach, not this high.
I must admit I've given up this try.
It circles, it toils and deeper it groans.
It smothers my mouth and I hold my breath.
Nurtured I am not.
The snake bites at last.
Last round, but I know I'm lying.
It's almost a welcoming darkness,
Playing a fools game, slowly if not quickly I am dying.

The game is a slippery ***** with nothing left to loose but my life.
For my kids sake I try,
But this has left me behind.
One foot forward,
Two steps back.
Enough hope to live right now,
But my actions cry,
Death is calling.
That's why my last words I pray.

Sweet kisses knock on my door.
Tears are dry not like before.
I swim in this water of catastrophe.
Every decision stolen from me.
I'm exhausted from this demon that haunts me.
This whisper that was me before it claimed a grin of tragedy,
Always reminding me.
So today I drown this liquor, or it drowns me.
My ending decided without a word from me.
But addiction didn't smother quietly.
At the end of today my addiction has an audience of an addict and my words are tried but true.
That's why I'm writing you.

The air, the warmth, the spaces inbetween,
surrending to your nurturing love in this haven of earth,
We're floating, I'm flying, we're swimming, we're climbing,
But in this cloud with you we drive our own getaway,
We're asking eachother to stay in every adventure hand in hand.
This isn't Kansas Anymore.
From the streets and the lights,
from the drugs to the fights,
Nothing missed, not here in the hills, dark soil, green grass
a beautiful landscape by the mass.
Life is simple, a beauty in itself and what people say is held to a higher thinking, that maybe life CAN be this way and it's not that we're dreaming.
I'm not in kansas anymore...
You stole me away with your first smile, since then our magic carpet has led us here, what's next?

Restlessness makes my nights sleepless
Overloaded thoughts make my lights stranded

My mirrored reflection affects my emotion
Finding the old me, now lost in the sea, never ending
Waves that never cease my ease, bewildering

Kisses pushes me to the dark,, hugs causes me to bark
Stars from far above filled this emptied love

Voices Rant, faceless haunt, memories taunt
Goodbyes are beginning, the ends are starting


© Pax

In a moment I knew I am cold
I began to prolong
The things I got used to
Never minding the numbness
And  the blasted frost bite.

I guess I got used to this feeling
    the make-shift of emotions,
Never falling.


*© Pax