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Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I offer a helping hand to others
Though fleeting, It brings me joy
I'm so depressed
I can hardly manage a smile
I can hardly manage a heartbeat
I'm falling.
I'm falling victim to my thoughts.
I feel alone
I feel alone.
I feel alone.  
Feeling is so hard these days.
I don't want to fight anymore.
I don't want it to be winter.
I don't want this.
I don't want this.
Save me
Save me
Help
Help
Help me.
Please.
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I never understood God.
Maybe I still don't.
On second thought,
I still don't.
I never understood how anyone
Could follow something they can't see.
Something they don't truly understand.
I'm starting to think God is around.
I'm starting to see the beauty of life
Maybe because I'm at the bottom
Maybe because this winter has been especially hard.
Maybe because I have reason to look to the cosmos.
Who knows.
There isn't a temple I'd set foot in.
But God,
If you're listening.
I'm here.
I need you.
Something beyond other's words
Prove to me things will be okay.
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I'm learning, ever so slowly, what people mean when they say I'm "rough around the edges"

I'm becoming softer
The heavy, angry punk music that used to play from my iPod

Has become softer, slower
More hopeful

Is this what it means to find peace?
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I guess I'll go back to bed.
Wake me when the winter ends
Wake me when smiling isn't a chore.
Wake me when you don't want to fight
Wake me up when you can talk to me
Wake me up when I'm not wasting your time.
Or
Just let me sleep forever.
Let me sleep until I decompose
Let me waste
Let me sleep forever
Let me sleep forever
Let me sleep forever
Just **** me
Because
I can't do it on my own anymore.
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
10w
But baby I don't know how to ask for help
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I'm lost in my head.
My brain is an infinitely expanding sea
And
My spirit;
A squid.
Much like the depths
at which
giant squid swim
The preasure is extraordinary
The darkness, laughably stereotypical
I've been swimming for ages
But has it been
The same circle
All this time?
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I've decided that from here on in I will write a poem a day.
My joys,
My indifference
And
All my dismays.
I'll voice my feelings
Electronicly
Forgive me my past but I have to move on.
Get ready my future
Because here I come.
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